Shardborne

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Trapped in a crystal for almost three hundred years, the former archmagi Ceriss must start over in a world unrecognizable from the one she knew.

She had awaken to find a realm riven by endless siege, a cold war of relentless vigilance against the dark powers. Journey with her as she seeks to regain her strength and find a place in this shattered future.

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2023
Author: TeddybearBlues

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.0/ 5.0
Followers: 2
Views: 2,018

Chapters(17 total)

Reviews

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Community Reviews(3)

The Jester in RedRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Overview
Shardborne is a gripping and intriguing adventure through the realm of Eldoria. It follows Ronan—a farmer turned soldier—who survives stepping in between the spells of two Shardborne while in the chaos of battle. I thought it was a pretty good start for setting up a grand plotline that follows Ronan as he descends deeper into the darkness to save his sister from peril.
Style: The Style is good, but there are a few hang ups on some of the descriptions. There is a far bit of telling before showing in the story, which is a shame because the showing parts are usually good enough to stand on their own. Pacing feels fairly coherent with my only real complaint being that chapter one is just really long.
Grammar: The Grammar is okay, nothing egregious, but a second or third proof read, maybe another set of eyes, would do wonders for the text. Missing periods, improper capitalization, and missing letters are fairly common. Sometimes Ronan is just Ron. Sometimes its his daughter, not his sister.
Story: The story is fairly simple so far, but that isn't a bad thing. The main character has a deal forced onto him and the only way to save his sister is to go along with it whenever they call. He has some cool new magic, and a mystery as to why he has a specific shard. Straightforward, but entertaining.
Character: The Characters are good. It is a small cast so far, and of the main characters, Ronan, Minerva, and Indigena, all seem to have a voice and stand on their own. There isn't any internal monologues yet, so other than descriptions, we haven't really peaked inside of any of their heads.
Closing thoughts: I think that if it is revised and given a few extra caring passes, it will be more appealing to the average reader and have little trouble finding an audience. It is a great start to a grand adventure, and will hopefully see a satisfying conclusion.
d.c.brums23564Royal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Overall: The narrative is engaging, with a blend of intense action, emotional depth, and complex relationships. However, there are areas where the pacing can be refined, character motivations clarified, and transitions between scenes smoothed out to enhance the overall coherence and readability.
Style: The writing style is descriptive and evocative, effectively capturing the atmosphere and emotions of the scenes. The use of sensory details is a strong point, painting vivid pictures of the battlefield, the Wildlands, and the characters' experiences. Balancing detailed descriptions with more concise language would help maintain a brisk pace and keep the reader engaged, I have trouble with this myself. It's a thing all writers learn to use. The extra spaces in the chapters can take a reader out of it as well. It's hard to tell whats a transition and what is a break.
Story: The plot is compelling, with each chapter building on the previous ones to create a cohesive and intriguing narrative. The introduction of the Tarnished, the exploration of shard energy, and the personal stakes for Ronan add layers of depth to the story. The conflicts are well-crafted, with high tension and emotional stakes.
Grammar: is generally solid, but there are instances of awkward phrasing, inconsistent capitalization, and punctuation errors. Attention to detail in these areas would improve the overall polish of the writing. Again, it's something all writers face, myself included.
Character: are well-developed, with distinct personalities and emotional arcs. Ronan, in particular, is a relatable and sympathetic protagonist, with his internal struggles and determination portrayed effectively. Indigena and Minerva add interesting dynamics to the group, and their interactions with Ronan are engaging. The antagonists, including the Lycorian chief and the mysterious boy, are sufficiently menacing and add depth to the conflict.
simplyleoRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Style:
It's consistent pretty consistent overall. The pacing is good, and the chapter length is the same throughout the chapters I've read. There were some odd cases with formatting, but it doesn't take away from the story and is hardly noticeable.
Story:
The overall premise of the story is pretty good. The worldbuilding is done nicely, and the plot is straightforward to follow. So far, the story is setting itself for the long run as I read through all the chapters that have currently been released.
Grammar:
Some sentences are long and chunky. This seems to be a problem usually encountered by new writers. There are also a fair bit of spelling mistakes; only one has made me question the plot of the story, but once it's fixed, everything should be fine. A good edit and polish will iron out most of these issues but overall the quality of the writing is good.
Character:
The characters are well thought out. We understand each other's purpose and thought process and how they interact. They are introduced in a timely manner that doesn't feel rushed, and each one serves a purpose for the MC and helps develop the plot.
Overall:
I recommend the story; the author does well writing their first story. Give your work a second read and take some time to polish and edit the chapters so everything flows well. The more you practice, the better you'll get!