Rise of the Demoness - A Progression LitRPG

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Alice had always dreamed of fixing the many ills of the world. Cruel nobility, increasing deaths, and the monsters that are growing ever stronger. A dream she thought futile due to her common birth—At least until a chance meeting with the devil offers her a new path.

What else is one supposed to do when given power but purge the system and fix the world?

Schedule: on hiatus

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2022
Author: ThreadofFate

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 3.9/ 5.0
Followers: 1,057
Views: 234,548

Reviews

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Community Reviews(10)

ViciousVicarRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
(5/5) Style: Devil's [Advocate] is written in third person past tense and the perspective generally follows Alice. Her thoughts are often present & written in italics, giving readers a good look into her character. The diction and 'voice' the narration takes on is lighthearted, which makes the story smooth to read through without getting bogged down in the broken world.
(5/5) Story: It's still fairly early in the story, but the basic premise and worldbuilding are solid. The main character is disillusioned by the state of the world and the nobles who run it, and the Devil gives her the power to change that. The more Alice journeys, the more she sees about how the world has failed common people.
(5/5) Grammar: No major issues—some syntax and punctuaction could be touched up, but there's nothing a quick editing pass can't fix.
(5/5) Character: Alice is the most fleshed out character to date, and she's written consistently and with a distinct voice. Her perspective is enjoyable to follow, she has opportunities for character development (and has started along that route already), and puts herself into interesting situations. Even before learning much about the minutiae of their personalities, the other characters feel unique in both voice and motivations.
(5/5) Overall: I definitely recommend reading this, it's a fun story with a good concept and the author seems to be improving as they find what works best for them.
1Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
As fair warning, the narration of this story includes internal thoughts, and it definately comes off as exaggerated. Example of this within spoiler.
""Oh no, what do I do?! I completely forgot!" She hit herself in the head. Stupid, stupid Alice! You don't need to give Mother and Father any more excuses to be disappointed!"
Personally, I like the style, it adds a nice tint of levity that is often so elusive, but I realize that some others won't, so I consider it important to say something about that first.
On that note, the actual story is exquisite. There's ominous system messages, character development with dynamic interactions, expansive worldbuilding delivered at a good pace, a blend of combat and magic, and dark mystery. I'm quite excited about this story, and reccomend it to anyone curious. Amazing start!
Killer NoobRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
the stories awesome main character is someone who for some reason I can connect to pretty easily in a way love the world build so far.
The stories awesome main character is someone who for some reason I can connect to pretty easily in a way love the world build so far.
I wish the author would continue writing the story because it is awesome and has a long ways to go before it’ll be even close to reaching an ending. at this point, it’s been nine months since the author has released part, one of the dungeon dive, and there has been a part two yet really looking forward to reading that
nghtstrRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
So far, this is a fun read. My only critque is that the chapters seemingly read really quickly, so I am left wanting more. I like the main character, Alice, but am left with a lot of questions that I am hoping are answered soon enough. I do have a question about the main character though. In the author's notes, they referred to Alice as a reincarniated version of a prior Alice. Do I need to read the prior story to fully understand this Alice?
ZobosoRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
That's why we have a foolish protagonist to burn things down, ignore the demons they are merely angels in disguise. they are here to help
Right?
Why would they harm you, if doing so brings them no benefits, and gives them a chance of fixing the world should they help. helping is good after all.
FlameBulletRoyal Road
★★★ 3.0
This story feels like confused mess of ideas that goes from greate to bad.
The Great:
The main character is well characterized in the moment, other characters are definitely unique and interesting however up until now, they are either wildly freindly or unfriendly no inbatween.
The premise, the world, and the main character's goal are all interesting and new.
The Bad:
Anytime facts about the world or the main character are brought up things make less sense.
First off all she is 12 years old has learned to read and write from traveling mechants who took pity on her, note one else in family can read or write. She also seems to have learned math and complex equations when young in two days from some random merchant.
The magic system seems to run off of math and equations but immediately after this explained her. Her teacher says she does need to know any of it because the system does all the for her. So why was it explained in the first place? In general as soon someone starts to try to teach the main character how to use magic they talk about magic but never how to actually use it.
The System there is a system however it feels mostly taked on at this point. The main character often gets skill, an level points but has not checked or used them, She got more skill slots at one point and they have not been talked about since. At times MC feels like she forgets info on her sheet.
The grammar is all spelled correctly, however their are moments where the main character seems to refence clalators, super computers, bullet trains, and TV shows. However I have yet to see any technology in the this world more advanced then a horse drawn carriage. Honestly I would buy that MC was a recantation at this point but that has not been explained.
All in all I am confused I like the premis and the MC. But everything feels off.
lixaxilRoyal Road
★★★ 3.0
I have no idea what I am reading about. No world building and 1/3 of a chapter is filled with disjointed thoughts of our MC. Who is 12 years old and has some form of an Isekai soul inside of her. The pacing is too fast and the first 5 chapters don't make any sense. For them to make any sense they should be twice as long with at least some kind of an explanation of the culture. This book could be much more if the author would just let the reader take a break and give more attention not to the adhd mental diarrhea of our MC but the world around her. Every chapter and every sentence you question the actions of our characters. Grammar is nice though and appreciated.
KorstRoyal Road
★★★ 2.5
The author has an... interest? Yeah, an interesting way of telling their story. To put it succinctly it's a 'I'ma write random stuff with minimal context and move on now' approach to story telling. There's consistency there, they don't contradict themselves, but they certainly don't eleborate or spend time on anything either.
This of course needlessly confuses things and things continue happening without any explanation as to how or even why. It's just a 'it happens, now move on' kind of thing and the reader really just have to deal without ever having their questions answered, not even in the comments.
Warning ahead for there are spoilers; not that they really matter because they make as much sense in context as they do out of context.
I had to stop after chapter 23. An entire village with some build up. That plot line ends in the protagonist bursting into flames and killing a bunch of people without prompting or reason. They just straight up gain a skill at random for no real reason, burst into flames and then have to kill/fight a bunch of people because they burst into flames and offended the guy in charge. The guy in charge who of course decided the protagonist needed to die for bursting into flames. Not only that, but the protagonist spouts a load of random stuff with no real meaning or grounding in reality to save these random kids they just met, who were cursed for no real reason, and left in her care for no real reason.
If you're seeing a theme, I salute you. It happens a lot in the story.
This was not an enjoyable read... and if I had any advise for the author, I would ask them to spend more time on their story. The reason they were in that village to begin with was to take the protagonist to someone who would teach them how to use magic. The protagonist got maybe a single short explanation on magic and then the story moved on and all that was washed away and forgotten.
In the end the reason they were in the village was no reason at all, and the events in
esotericistRoyal Road
★★ 2.0
i tried really hard to like this story, but it goes all over the place with the narrative in a fashion that makes it clear the author didn't have a coherent plan in place when they started.
first, the original narrative had the main character being from another world, but none of her behavior matched up with her supposed memories, and had little bearing on the actual narrative. so author went "fine, she's not from another world, she's just a 12 year old girl", but that doesn't actually fix any of the critical issues. (plus if you aren't going to rewrite chapters you should at least go back and put some notes on the affected ones)
the decisions made by various characters all seem terribly disjointed, and not even a culture gap can adequately explain how people flit from emotion to emotion, or make seemingly random choices that are never properly explained (or when there is an explanation given, it usually doesn't actually make any sense)
ultimately: the grammar and spelling are mostly fine, and some of the ideas with the system in place could be interesting, but the story flows strangely, characters don't behave in a consistent or comprehensible fashion, and the stark lack of a plot outline is pretty clear.
WondrousFoxRoyal Road
★ 1.0
I've read 20 chapters. The writing itself is confused and confusing, making it hard to really understand the plot and thoughts of the character.
That is exacerbated by the characters that are confusing as well.
The mc seems not to know that there is a system until she gets it. Then everybody knows about the system. It is never explained how what she has is different from what other people have. Why was she so surprised about it ?
She's got secrets, but is afraid of everything and everyone and seem unable to ask simple questions about the system that's apparently new to her, but that everybody already knows about, that would both help her tremendously and help the readers understand.
There is never an explanation as why she doesn't ask these questions except that she seems afraid of everybody, even the guy who picked her up when she was unconscious, healed her and took her as his apprentice.
i know my rating is harsh but I feel the story and characters are barely making any sense, and the writing doesn't help to understand.