Promises

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Promise breakers are horrible, that something I can agree with Felix on, and quite frankly, there's no point in making a promise that you don't intend on keeping, is there? Felix had already made it quite clear that he intends to keep all of his promises. It's a unique thing of his, something that not many have the strength or will to do. But I think Felix can manage it. Felix is a keeper. A keeper of promises, and that's something I can agree with.First and probably only story - I apologize for mistakes and errors. Constructive criticism is welcome.

Information

Status
Completed
Year
2019
Author
Zelphar Oloxys

Tags

FANTASYMAGICTRAGEDYPSYCHOLOGICALSHORT STORYHIGH FANTASYVILLAINOUS LEAD

Royal Road Stats

Rating
2.8/ 5.0
Followers
1
Views
528

Chapters(1 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(2)

  • RznRoyal Road
    ★★★ 3.0
    The premise is simple, but this piece serves to just info dump an entire backstory with no later purpose. If something more substantial came from the long backstory it would have a payoff, but this does not. This essentially makes his like a role-playing backstory for a character and less of a story in of itself, or a story told with odd structure. The basic facts are well, far-fetched, given the MCs power and backstory. Also, the ending is a problem because of how it ends and the implications it gives.
  • MhmmRoyal Road
    ★★★ 2.5
    Interesting read. I can totally see this as a series, where we follow the MC through his trials and tribulations.
    Story:
    The series of events within the MC's childhood are interesting. The concept of MC's time magic as a combat magic is also fascinating. Good stuff.
    The whole revenge plot is a little cliche though.
    Style:
    There is a lot to improve in the execution of the storyline.
    MC's retelling of his past feels like an info-dump. Perhaps try fleshing out dialogue between the two characters,  with smaller paragraphs and more back & forth interaction. Don't reveal everything; being implicit makes the story more engaging. Let the reader piece it together. Perhaps have the MC explain his thought process a few times, but there is no need to justify everything.
    Most of the sentences are long. This makes the flow monotonous.  Try breaking up the sentences into a variety of lengths. Like this. Short, poignant sentences can help give a sense of drama and grab the reader.
    Grammar:
    The vocabulary and sentence structure is quite good.
    There are a few mistakes here and there - nothing prevalent. But be careful with the tenses, especially with the scene transition at the end.
    Characters:
    I appreciate that both characters had the same style of talking. The emotions, however, didn't feel very consistent.
    The MC opening up so quickly seems odd, given his traumatic experiences.
    Likewise, it seems weird that our interviewer would be piecing together facts that they should already know.
    Perhaps write it along the lines of  "the pieces were falling into place" or "the story was coming together" instead.
    In conclusion:
    Pretty good for a first story! There is a lot of potential here; I'm looking forward to any further works - either with this plot or something completely different - if they do happen.