Proditum - The betrayed ones
Self-Published
Community Rating
Description
A world where the democracy show their true identity as a tyranical government, and the world seeks males as evil and opressors. The cosmos wants the destruction of the male and due to that they had been gifted by an entity to fight the cosmos, a world with difficult higher than dark souls
Information
- Status
- Hiatus
- Year
- 2021
- Author
- Ghabhrihel
Tags
Royal Road Stats
- Rating
- 1.8/ 5.0
- Followers
- 1
- Views
- 1,460
Chapters(7 total)
Reviews
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Community Reviews(1)
- AcusiontRoyal Road★★★ 3.0So, the title pretty much sums up my feelings for this story. It's kind of all over the place.
For starters, the grammar needs some work, which can be partially accomplished by running the chapters through an editor such as grammarly before posting. However, some of the sentence structure is strange, and words are missing in places that make it difficult to judge what exactly the sentence is supposed to be saying. Right now, it reads like a first draft, which is not a bad thing by any means. It's just something that needs some work.
There are also times where the author uses asterisks to insert an action (for instance, moaning) instead of describing that action. It's my personal preference that I don't like this but others may.
It seems to be written almost in a stream of consciousness format, with some sentences blending in to each other where they shouldn't, making things difficult to follow at times. In addition to this is a heavy overuse of ellipses (sometimes almost every other sentence) that are just out of place. I would suggest replacing some of these with periods and/or restructuring the sentences to flow together better.
Also, there is profanity in the story (though 'censored' most of the time with a @), despite not being a tag for it. Just something for people to be aware of.
Overall, the story has an interesting premise and could be pretty good. The major issues come in where the grammar and style need some work to get it to the next level.