New Reality Online(legacy) DROPPED

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

***DROPPED***

This version of the story had been dropped. I'm re-writing it here: http://royalroadl.com/fiction/7684 Most people would say Ren Taylor was lucky. He grew up in a wealthy family with two loving parents, a younger brother, an older sister who he care deeply for. His life changed the day he push a kid out of the way of a runaway truck on his way to school. Now imprisoned in his own body, unable to see or hear anything and unable move or feel anything from the neck down, Ren dives into the new vrmmorpg Second Awakening to exchange his old reality for a new one.

Additional tags: Crafting

Information

Status: Cancelled
Year: 2015
Author: mossclaw64

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 3.9/ 5.0
Followers: 650
Views: 310,508

Reviews

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Community Reviews(3)

Devastator972Royal Road
★★★★ 3.5
Style– First person works well for these types stories but it needs more description. Story– The vrmmorpg story line is not for those looking for a main plot, as it is a story of life in a game. As far this plot goes at this point in time (6 chapters) i can’t tell.Grammar– i am not the best when it comes to grammar but so far nothing stands out. Character– the character building suffers as the story moves to fast in chapter 3 the main character meets a trio and befriends them way too fast, and author never explains why the mc is in love with crafting. overall i love it so far but it needs more in depth feeling the mc and side characters just move along and the world has no definition. i can see the word but only because it reminds me of RoyalRoad.
LegionOfDavidRoyal Road
★★★ 2.5
Your style of writing, though uncommon, loses points due to the paragraph structure. Of which points to an inexperienced person who doesn't know how to break a large paragraph in half. This is a horrible issue, and needs to be addressed as soon as possible.
Story wise, it is rather interesting, if a bit on the cliche side. The main character starts out getting hit by the runaway "Truck-san" everyone is so fond of throwing at their characters, but instead of dying, becomes a bit of a cripple and is allowed to enter a VRMMO. In this, he goes through a crafting phase (much like Weed does) and gains quite a few overpowered skills later down the line. Which is rather common, as is the concepts of gaining such skills.
The characters, besides the main one, are well thought out, if a bit on the vague side. Which is a good thing, as heavily leading the readers around in describing everyone's mannerisms and outfits can be quite annoying. This tends to a few stars to drop from the overall score. As to why I gave the "Meh" score for this? Well, it's rather difficult to discern everything about the characters when there's too much repetition of names and phrases in each paragraph.
Which leads to the poor grammar score. Up to chapter five, you have a few mistakes here and there, which only drops it to about a four, in my opinion, but still contains too much in the way of nouns repeating over and over again. However, it's in Chapter Six and onwards where I am seeing the major mistakes cropping up. Such as the paragraph with Ren and Rikers fighting one another in a sort of bout to see where the former stands in terms of martial arts. This one is a prime example of WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN WRITING A STORY. Not to mention the fact that you are missing key adjectives and adverbs throughout that chapter, and many others.
In other words, you need an editor.
SassnadRoyal Road
★★★ 2.5
The beginning even though quite cliche is engaging. It begins clearly defined he is playing the game like everyone else.
But for some reason a mechanic is introduced that would maybe makes sense in an a pure fantasy setting but not in a game. Apparently the game character of our MC has an clearly unfair advantage compared to all other players and even the NPC inhabitants of the world because of native traits.
He has done nothing someone else hasn’t done to explain why he got it. He has not found something secret he has not done a somehow really hard thing, he just get’s a massive passive bonus and an upgraded version of an apparently allready great skill for free.
Now I have to say that it is mentioned everyone can reach this state through training and time but he just gets it.
Now I would not play a game where I am clearly worse then someone else without rhyme or reason, so I must assume he would soon be playing in a quit empty world.
Aside from that it also makes me loose interest in the MC because they can’t explain that with a heritage a destiny or some other trope because he is just a PC in a VRMMORPG.
Now I would not have a problem with all of this if the story took place in a fantasy world but through setting it in a game the author has maybe chosen the wrong background for the story he wants to tell.
On another note
The author is quite inconsistend with chapter lenghts. In the beginning they are neither overly long or short. But a trend is seen for chapters to grow shorter and shorter ehich admittedly the author has noted before he began shortening them.
This is just a personal preference not a real criticism but maybe one could look into not calling 3 paragraphs a chapter but a subchapter or smething.