Nemidos: Tales of a Summoner

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2016

Author

Juan the Great

• Chapter 11: Soup of discord
  Mar 5, 2017
• Intermission: Fallen Angel
  Jan 26, 2017
• Chapter 10: Reunion
  Dec 13, 2016
• Chapter 9: Irregular Summoner
  Sep 25, 2016
• Chapter 8: Creation and Summoners
  Sep 21, 2016
• Chapter 7: The coming
  Aug 30, 2016
• Chapter 6: Dream of a meeting
  Apr 28, 2016
• Chapter 5: Red star
  Mar 20, 2016
• Chapter 4: The abyss of dark&white
  Mar 8, 2016
• Chapter 3: Aurora's trial I
  Feb 27, 2016
• Chapter 2: Aurora's trial I
  Feb 20, 2016
• Chapter 1: Veritas & Veritas
  Feb 18, 2016
• Prologue: The boy, the letter & Aurora
  Feb 17, 2016

Reviews

Community Reviews(2)

• TheCAWRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  To those reading this review here is the TL/DR version. The story needs a little work, some grammar and polish,  BUT it is an interesting start with fun characters in what feels like a vibrant and well fleshed out world. Hopefully there is more to come!
  (Long Version)
  Style- Lets start off with some style issues. First you avoid speech tags which is fine, but at times you can lose track of who may be speaking. Try using an action or reaction to set off dialogue if you don't want to use speech tags. The other main gripe for the writing style is you started offsetting actions instead of stating them *Infuses mana to the Orbstone* seems out of place because you change POV, and tense. Why not "she grabbed the orbstone and infused her manna" same tense, pov, and states the action.
  Story- The story is interesting and seems to be off to a good start.  You might want to be careful with how much exposition you are interspersing but at present it seems to be ok for the pace. The world feels well thought out and isn't just info dumped on us; so well done there.
  Grammar- Ok for those reading the review, this is still better than a lot of grammar I see on royal road. That said, it needs work. You have major capitalization and punctuation issues. "I" is capitalized, start of sentences need to be capitalized, and sentences need to end with punctuation (. ? !)  I know the exclamation and upside down exclamation are from using another language but you also stopped using it; so whichever route you go remember to edit for consistency. There are a few places where the wrong word or tense are used (come instead of came or another malapropism) Again still readable but you might want to grab someone to proofread.
  Character- Very early in the story for  critique but one thing you have done well is give everyone a voice. Characters are already starting to have a sound or personality (the main ones anyway).  You might want to make sure they have their own motivations and desires expressed go
• WatcherRoyal Road

  ★★★ 2.5

  Hi Juan,
  I had read the prologue and the first chapter this evening. I felt like that was enough. I'm going to be honest here and provide you a breief critique - mainly about your writing style, grammar and dialogue. I don't normally rate anything above three stars, unless I find it adequate. I'm sorry about this.
  Style & Grammar
  Your writing style emulate how a comic writer would draw his story. You are using interrobang and exclamation to show the character's shock or suddenness in a dialogue, and this is bad. Because you are not showing the scene to the reader, but telling.
  Your prose is also a mess and doesn't follow a continuous flow, making it difficult to read. Your paragraph often breaks at the worse possible place, and your sentences are grammatically incorrect. Don't worry though, these are pretty common mistakes for new writers, and of course for those who are not adept at writing in English.
  For this first part I will be focusing on the text below. I will show you how we can improve it as well. You wrote:
  In the middle of a road, a white flash appeared and shortly after, two shadows emerged, a pair of man and woman
  First thing you should notice is that you are missing a full stop at the end of the sentence. So let's correct that. Please always remember to end your paragraph with full stop.
  In the middle of a road, a white flash appeared and shortly after, two shadows emerged, a pair of man and woman.
  You also have capitalisation and punctuation issues, but I'll let you study that one out. I suggest that you research it.
  Next is the writing style. Every writer have their own way of writing. Some write long and descriptive paragraph, while others are concise. You have to discover this yourself.
  As a writer your job is to show the scene to the reader. After all a reader's job is to visualise the story with your help by guiding their imagination like how a director would at a movie set. You have to use the right words at the right time.
  Note that the differe