marine (TRANSFERED)

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2016

Author

Pathless99

• chapter 4 choices and consiquences
  Feb 21, 2016
• short story 1 princesses pov
  Feb 20, 2016
• chapter 3 challenge
  Feb 20, 2016
• chapter 1 too overpowering
  Feb 20, 2016
• prologue the crash
  Feb 20, 2016

Reviews

Community Reviews(10)

• armokRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Does the name Gandhi ring a bell?
  I think it should, for at least some people. A lawyer turned guru, he successfully followed through an entire revolution and forced Britain to accept India as its own country - no small feat by any margin. Unfortunately, his continued struggles for India's rights were abruptly cut short when a Hindu assassin used the sacred debating technique of 'three bullets to the chest' to tragically end Gandi's life.
  However, some know this bald Indian not by his advancements of his country's human rights or even by his advancements in peaceful protests - these people, at the mere mention of the name "Gandhi," hear the wail of a thousand sirens echoing across the cities and forests of their beloved countries. Rolling around in their beds, they dream of all those times they pleaded with his unyielding bespectacled grin to stop, for god's sake stop I'll give you everything I have please that trade agreement from earlier it's all yours please I'll even halve the taxes come on just don't do this no Gandhi no millions of lives are at stake NO GANDHI STOP-
  I am, of course, talking about the video game series "Civilisation".
  But why was Gandhi a warlord? Well, the answer's quite simple. It's all got to do with the way numbers work inside a computer. When you add two numbers and the result is bigger than the largest number that can fit inside its container, it simply loops all the way around to the beginning; the same principle applies to flip numbers from the bottom of the container to the top.
  In the end, if Gandhi starts out incredibly un-aggressive (as he does) then slightly decreases it even further by simply following one game path or the other...
  You're going to get Warlord Gandhi.
  So yeah.
  This is kind of what happened here. Whatever this was, it was so absolutely fucking terrible that is looped the fuck back around and became one of the most enjoyable rides I've sat on in the past few days. Like, holy shit I'm not even kidding the last book th
• saoRoyal Road

  ★★★ 3.0

  I have seen worse stories in my young days so don´t worry man, you only need to work on the spacing and that would make the story  readable..look guys? one problem solved and  it´s even a normal problem to have as an amateur author, come on guys, grow up and stop hating!
  It seems like all of the readers have forgotten the point of this page, helping amateur authors ffs!!
  Another problem may be how the story dosen´t draw us readers in, it´s just one of the things in the endless list of normal problems with amateur fictions. you only need to try to make the plot sound logical to partly solve that so called problem.
  The style are also kinda important, to make the story feel more lively give the characters their own special vibe/personality!
  Everything i have just written may sound as simple thing to accomplish but they are quite hard to master! So try your best and don´t give up because of those shitty haters haha!
• KolderimRoyal Road

  ★★★ 2.5

  Hmmm... I'm not a good critic but if i just ignore the wall of texts and the incomprehensible logic of the story... I'd say that the Author has a nice thing going. I can see the direction he/she wants the story to progress but sadly it did not go as planned.
  Oh well! I did enjoy reading all the chapters... though I had trouble figuring out who's talking and I almost raged... well I did rage but I appreciate the courage and hard-work the Author put into it. I hope that you can get back on your feet and take note of the reviews above... Anyway Good Luck!
• Don_King_PupRoyal Road

  ★★ 1.5

  Well I’m going to be fair and say that writing a fiction is hard. But is it so hard to review your work at least once?
  The story starts out a bit cliché withe the spaces being nonexistent so that if you miss your place… your pretty much screwed. His grammar is horrible.
  The characters seem like a wacky inflatible tube man. You never know which direction they’ll go. Is he truly overpowered or is he just weak with only a few upgrades? He seems bipolar to me.
  It’s descriptive enough for me but that just goes down the drain when you repeat the same sentence over because of losing your place because of the lack of space.
  Someone said something about him improving with practice but how can you improve when you don’t take into consideration of what people comment on your work. I sure as heck know how to write but I suck because I lack the imagination that others have to write my own fiction. He has the imagination, just not the experience and grammar. Or maybe he's just some other 12 year old on the website trying his (let's be real here, we all know that mostly pubescent teens (or even younger)  are on this site, and want some way to put out their sexual frustrations by writing it out on this site only to ya- I'm not gonna say it since I might get another warning for something like, "bruh bruh, you can't say that here! There are kids on this site!"
  Like for real though, check up on your grammar and put spaces between paragraphs and then I’ll read more. I can read your work with trash grammar and spelling (believe me I can, after delving deep within this site… it changes a person’s outlook on life)  but just not the nonexistent spaces.
  Sincerely, The warned criminal.
• denied00Royal Road

  ★★ 1.5

  After reading the first few sentences I thought "is this a draft?!"...
  I actually became a little dizzy just by scheming the prologue. The idea of the story is good. But the execution of it, horrible. A lot of errors can be seen on plain sight. I suggest on rewriting this than dropping. Have someone to PR your work. Learn how to make the characters more life-like.
  And a lot of other things. It is rare to have courage and enthusiasm to write and post this thing. I encourage you to remake the plot and not do something ramdom appear out of nowhere. Create them with reasons. The cause and effect okay?
  Think about it more carefully and don't forget about the spacing and symbols.
• TadFROGRoyal Road

  ★ 0.5

  After reading this thing, I can't even read stories normally anymore. I can't help but think of the god awful grammar, and the stories I read turn into an incomprehensible wall of text, chanting: "Y-O-U  C-A-N  N-E-V-E-R  E-S-C-A-P-E (okay not really). " (quotation marks)
  *sob* *sob* *shakes gamerboy99's shoulders*
  "WHYYYYYYYYYY??" (quotation marks)
  "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!" (quotation marks)
  *mouth starts foaming*
  *collapses on ground*
  The End (send help)
• DryWaterRoyal Road

  ★ 0.5

  I don’t really know what else to say. You should probably do something about that grammar if you don’t want people bleeding from the eyes. Grammar aside, first impressions are very important if you want people to read your fiction and so far it hasn't done a very good job of that.
• RalyxRoyal Road

  ★ 0.5

  It takes a very special kind of something for a story to warrant the top three weekly reviews at any given time. Whether by design or by sincere, misguided effort, you have managed to create something that stands as an affront to the very attempt to read it. From the character design to the story to the grammar and punctuation, all are somehow equally nonexistent.
  As such, I must sincerely thank you for writing this piece. May it stand proudly on this site for all to see, for it is either a particularly genius, insightful, witty, humorous, and profound meta-commentary on the sorrowful mire of unoriginality and poor quality that often plagues the fan-fiction community, or else a perfect antithesis to modern writing that may serve to illuminate the paths of many other aspiring new writers by showing them the distilled essence of what to avoid at all costs.
• AdvonKoultharRoyal Road

  ★ 0.5

  This is so bad I love it, no capitalization, no quote marks whatsoever, absolute nonsense for a 'plot'. It's very existence is a blessing.
  Still awful.
• WizardfrogRoyal Road

  ★ 0.5

  Gather around the fire kids; Grandpa Wizardfrog is going to tell you a story.
  A tale of poor grammar, incomprehensible writing, and a wall of text large enough to keep the immigrants out.
  This is the story of the instant Royal Road Legend comedy classic: "marine by gamerguy99"
  Our story begins with our MC, Grim Silversmith, just your normal super genius special forces sixteen year old on a top secret mission. He is accompanied by Soldier 1, Soldier 2, and Soldier 3. Riveting characters full of nonpersonality. These three soldiers and the greatest edgelord ever find themselves caught in a lightning storm; they crash and SHOCKING wake up in a different world.
  Then some stuff with goblins happens. And a Elf girl falls in love with the mc but shes actually the demon lords daughter and omg its so crazy pew pew guns and stuff.
  Then Soldier 2 decides he suddenly wants to rape the elf. Mr.MC can't have some old dude blowing up his spot so he decides to kill his former best friend turned rapist for no reason.
  And that is the story of the marine; I just saved you a whole lot of pain. Now children lets forget about crappy webnovels fo a moment, here, have some cand-
  "Honey I found her!"
  "Susy get away from that man!"
  "Oh my god; he has my kid! Officer! Officer!"
  "Freeze dirtbag!"
  'Blam.' 'Blam.'
  ---
  And thats how you use quotations gamerguy99! USE THEM DAMMIT.