March To The Capital (book 1 of 2 of the Capital series)

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

They deserve what happens to them.Ever since they enslaved us, ever since they shackle us underground to bring them their ore or chain above ground to harvest their grain. We suffered, while they fattened their bellies. No more, now we deserve justice. We will ravage through their countryside, we shall burn their homes, and slaughter their young. For now, our rebellion has begun.The time of my people’s slavery ends with me for I will lead my people to greatness. The Cinari will do anything to stop me, with their ancient war machines and pathetic armies. But I will push them back and claim what is rightfully mine. We built their Empire with our blood and tears. It is time we take it back.When I was a slave, they called me M-24:6.But as a free man, they know me as Marak.

Content warning:This story mentions and features mature content. Which includes sexual assault, torture, gore, genocide, slavery, racism, and more.(Book 1 of 2 of the Capital series)

Information

Status: Completed
Year: 2022
Author: Elijah Talbot

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.3/ 5.0
Followers: 17
Views: 30,746

Chapters(45 total)

Reviews

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Community Reviews(10)

srwoodsRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
This story is about a slave uprising so it’s about as dark as you’d expect it to be. The world building is top notch it’s probably my favorite part of this story. It does contain graphic descriptions of violence as well as murder including the deaths of a few children so keep that in mind if you are going to be reading this.
Style: It is written in the first person from multiple points of view. The title of each chapter is simply the name of the person who’s view it is from and each chapters is a little farther into the story so it’s not confusing on what has already happened and what hasn’t. I personally found this to be easy to read and even though I’m a slow reader I was able to get through twenty-one chapters in roughly a day.
Story: The story starts off in the mine where we get to see the world from the prospective of the slaves. Without getting into any specifics as to what causes the slave revolt I will say that this feels like an accurate representation of what one would look like. The initial fight is quick and bloody and totally justified the second one is as well but the third fight well that one starts to make you question whether or not this is a fight for freedom or just a quest for vengeance. After that it dives into the pool of morally grey and swims around for a while.
Grammar: There’s nothing really wrong with the grammar maybe a miss letter here or there but it doesn’t take away from the readability of the story.
Character: Marak is a wonderfully written character you can feel is pain and anger as the story progresses. The other characters aren’t quite as developed yet and I just don’t find myself caring what happens to them as much as Marak. Hopefully this will change as the author releases more content.
All and all I like it and it made its way to my favorites list. I’d recommend reading it if you don’t mind some darker content.
Maya RobertsonRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I’m going to be as honest as I can be with this review and just come out and say it straight. March to the Capital was an absolute pleasure to read. There are only a handful of stories on RR that have kept me captivated until the end and this is one of that rare few. Why it’s not got more attention on RR, I really don’t understand.
The story telling is fantastic, the plot well thought out. The story is told in the first person from the POV of four characters (WHAT?! He’s head hopping in the first person? Lynch him, string him up, I hear you all cry. Well, bear with me on this one). It allows you to see the story from both sides and it works brilliantly. There were points when I wasn’t quite sure who the goodies and the baddies are and occasionally found myself changing camp from chapter to chapter. There is an obvious ‘just cause’ and an obvious ‘oppressive tyrant’. But both sides have likable characters and both have their grey ones.
That brings me to the characters. All have their own unique voices, they all bring something to the story, driving things forward with their own motivations and agendas. From the arrogant and slightly more complex than you realise, Volas to the industrious but perhaps morally naïve Alex.
The story is engaging and the pacing, while there were times when I’d have liked it to slow down and expand on events that were just mentioned and not shown, is on the whole very good.
Also keep your eyes peeled for Easter eggs. I have the feeling that the author is being a bit cute with us, although I didn’t quite figure out exactly what he’s up to. Perhaps I was imagining it, but the story seems littered with historical references. We’ve got General Rommel (an accidental name drop or a deliberate reference to the Nazi general?). We’ve got references to the Praetorian Guard (a direct callback to Imperial Rome, perhaps?) and other things that feel very Roman inspired. Slave revolts. A north and south Empire, perhaps a mirror to the East and West split
SopdrinksRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
March to the Capital is a dark, gripping tale of a slave uprising. However, far from its usual counterparts, Elijah's prose and harsh depictions are vivid and gripping enough to make sound parallels that feels rooted to reality in an impressively immersive way. It doesn't feel forced nor patronizing, and makes you care and feel pain for the residents of his world.
Essentially the beginning sequence reminds me of Paul Pierce's scifi novel entitled "Red Rising," but March to the Capital departs from it with a lingering focus on its original group of characters, its fantastical world, and Marak's passion for his comrades.
PROSE: March to the Capital's prose and narrative is above average of a usual RR novel, supported by a narrative that knows when to show and when to tell (a very important distinction that starting writers are unable to achieve).
WORLD: The world of March to the Capital is vastly ambitious, the creatures are diverse and the culture between them is solid.
CHARACTERS: The characters are distinct, with their own voices and features. Albeit, I am still waiting for them to be more fleshed out beyond their usual stereotype, which I have no doubt will be resolved towards the later chapters.
STORY: The story is frighteningly real and gripping, each chapter knows how to make its own point and contain its own sequence of events, while being engaging enough to keep you on reading. The pacing knows how to play with its Chekov's gun, and when it pops, well, it really pops.
I recommend this for everyone who's looking for a narrative that doesn't sound detached and a character that actually follows his ideals through action.
Alto WatsonRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
A convincing portrayal of slavery, and rebellion.
This serial features good writing and yet is fairly brief and to the point. The story creates an atmosphere through a convincing style. The Author progresses the plot forward by showing, and in the later chapters there is some really elegant descriptive prose. It features good character development throughout the 20 chapters, which caused me to form an attachment to the characters almost immediately. The circumstances the slaves were subjected to left me feeling really sorry for them, and hopeful that they would obtain their liberty. And i was not disappointed by the plot in this “Tour de force” and rich tapestry of characters.
IsoRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
March To The Capital is a story with dark themes of slavery, rebellion, and murder, that follows multiple POVs. The world was built well, and the contrast between the mine and what none of the slaves knew was outside really drew me in, wanting to know if they would ever see the light.
Style
The author gives depth to the world and the plot, moving it along at a good pace that allows me to enjoy the scenes and doesn't rush to get through the story. Some of the sentences and actions feel repeated at times, but minimally so. The descriptive worldbuilding and mood-setting properly gives way to the theme.
Story
It does not take long to understand where the story is going to take you. From the first chapter you have the idea that a rebellion is just around the corner. One terrible murder gives Marak the drive he needed to begin, and he does not waste any time.
Grammar
There were occasional grammar mistakes. Sometimes words would be missing from the sentence, and while it may be possible to figure out which one by context, it was something that discouraged immersion.
Character
Marak comes off as noble and honorable. He is a father and a good man - but one terrible event causes him to act in ways I could only assume he has never done before. I could feel his emotions on the page and watched his character develop into something wrathful. The other characters have their spot, but none shine as much as Marak does.
GhostcatRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
March to the Capitol is a thoughtful story about the morality of war. It has some great military tactics and strategies, plenty of historical nods, and some strong character types that are compelling. Some would compel you to punch them in the face, but it all works to craft a strong foundation.
Style: The author has chosen some styles that aren't popular. First person with multiple POVs. He has them divided up and the name of the character embedded in the chapter title, but if you're page-turning, that gets lost and you have to scroll up to figure out who you're following.
4 POVs. They do all serve a purpose, though. Each angle tells not just the character's thoughts but their greater perspective on war through their specific lens. Without one, you'd lose some of the clarity, since a first person POV offers bias.
PRESENT TENSE. A tense most distasteful to me, but in this case, it melts away pretty quickly in the narrative from the different characters.
Grammar: Highly legible. As good as, and in many cases, better than you'll find on the site. It needs another pass for spelling and punctuation. I'm a fan of partial sentences, but they didn't lend when they were used, which wasn't often or pivotal, so no big deal.
Story: Definitely good. The civil war of Cinaris is rooted in very real problems. The character conflicts are fully believable, because they represent people the way they are, not the way the author imagines they are. Sandwiched between the skin and bones of a war story, its mass is built from an understanding of sociology.
It's smart. War doesn't happen in a void. It happens because of power tension in social structures.
It also makes excellent use of tension within factions, and the multitude of choices made in the continuing effort of different characters.
Characters: There are many. The 4 mains have their own interactions with a large cast. Marak: the Dog that started it all. Alex: Marak's adopted son, who, despite his brilliance suffers from a kind he
Sickened FanficsRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
I am giving this review as a person who was taught American English. Therefore, some of my suggestions on grammar might not apply to the writer.
Style (3.5): The style of the writing changes throughout the stories. Chapter one starts smooth and steady at the beginning but becomes a bit rambling as it goes along which can happen with a first-person point of view. The narrative lacks personality, emotion, and creativity. Changing a few words and the use of a thesaurus might help with this. Now, chapter two starts with personality but toward the end, it becomes rambling like chapter one. As the reader moves to the other chapters it gets better. However, the writer should try to maintain a steady style throughout.
Story (4): The story is interesting enough and as a person who has an interest in all aspects of slavery, I can appreciate it. However, I am wondering if the writer has also read The Confessions of Nat Turner about a black American slave who killed his masters and stormed to the capital of the state while leaving a trail of murder behind. To be inspired by something, whether a real-life event or fictional, is fine. However, the writer should put a spin on it. Just simply building a fantasy world around the inspiration isn’t enough.
Grammar (3.5): Once again, I speak and write American English, so some of my advice on grammar may be ignored. What stood out to me is the lack of space between paragraphs. I don’t know whether the writer is writing directly into the chapter submission box, or they are copying and pasting from a writing program like MS Word, but the lack of space between paragraphs makes it hard to read for a person who has issues with concentrating or that may have mental illnesses that makes it hard for them to focus. Several times I could feel my eyes crossing and stressing to read the story. I also had issues with following along to the next line of text. Sometimes I would find myself rereading the same line. It is hard to tell the paragraphs ap
Forsaken FryRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
When I jumped into March to the Capital, I thought I knew what I was getting into. I didn't. This is a slave to rebel tale told in a raw fashion. I believe the author intended to use violence to stress the brutality of the slavers and the very concept of slavery, but they go far enough that if not wholly, I'd say at least tangentially, the writing falls into the realm of gore (defined as violence without a perceived purpose). I wasn't prepared for that.
Character: Full stars here. I either loved, hated, or had a healthy mix of feelings regarding one character or another, and I could feel the characters change in small and big ways as the story progressed. More importantly I could feel MY opinion of the characters change.
Style: There were a few things here that I liked and didn't like. Formatting wise the inclusion of only a few paragraph breaks made it very difficult for me to read and I found it threw off the pacing. That being said, even without the help of paragraph breaks to assist with pacing, I found the pace the author achieved to be a good balance between exposition and action. I also enjoyed the POV switches, they almost always added more to the story, but some tense errors caused some difficulty in some areas.
Grammar: I strongly recommend another edit run through the chapters. I found instances of "at" being used when "in" or even "on" were required. There were also many dangling or misplaced modifiers throughout. However, while the editor in me had trouble getting past the errors, the storyteller in me still enjoyed many parts of this story.
Story: I really enjoyed the story and how the author unfolded it. The only issue I had was information was repeated in what I felt were strange locations. I had to re-read to figure out if a Chekov's gun just dropped or if it was just set dressing. The only reason I marked off half a point is in some of those instances, I never could figure it out. Maybe that was on me.
Overall: March to the Capital is a brutal read
Louis Pierre SevillenoRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
March To The Capital has been a fascinating read of a story so far. Often in fiction when rebellions are a focal point of a story they are often portrayed as the sole focus of the story with all information being processed about the wider narrative being through that lens; however this story shows both sides with different perspectives on this main conflict.
(Review contains some spoilers for chapters 1-10, be warned~)
Style
I think, and this is just from my own personal stance of how I have mostly read stories, this is the main Achilles heel of the story. The style is done in a very long line-to-line format with each piece of character dialogue coming one after another in each line. This made it very hard to read as you have to commit to reading the entire block of dialogue before being given a break, if a chapter even had a break between the lines of dialogue. You very much have to sit down and intensely focus on the reading aspect of it, which took away from the enjoyment of going through the story and reading it. There is no real work-around for this as most of the story is told through the character’s dialogues with one another or with their own thoughts which the line-to-line format works for this role; it's just something that, if you wish to read further into the story, you’re going to have to deal with.
Story
The story is probably the thing that gets me the most giddy about whenever I read this. First and foremost you’re given the perspective of Marak, an enslaved Dog, and his leading of the rebellion from Dragon Mine. We get some expected tropes in this section of the story, overly-malevolent guards such as Balgazard, poor working conditions of the mines, general squalor living conditions, etc. The story of the dogs is quite fascinating in their own right as they have a lot of depth already built into their few chapters. The idea of them being slaves and having some sort of residual culture left over in the form of the chief system points to an idea of a “
NozoRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
Starting off with the first chapter, it is very lengthy but I can see that this was written with the intent of being a regualr novel with lengthy chapters. The first is a bit much though as it becomes overly daunting to the reader and I think it becomes more of a hurdle at that point. I can say though that after reading through the first 5 chapters I have to applaud the world building.
The style is rather slow but thats because the author really focuses on the development of every aspect. I found it a little too slow though, readers need to be captivated and the novel only had its first important set to action in chapter 4 (which is thousands of words later)
Grammar for the most part was alright but there were a few missing letters in words or weird tenses used in the sentences which didnt match. I just think a second or third edit would flesh those out though.
Story is pretty decent though, I'm rating it higher here than I did initailly because it only really picks up in the 4th chapter. If you want more viewers then you really need to captivate them early on. I think that the aspect of a story of freedom based on the theme of revenge is pretty solid and leaves little room for failure. The only important thing is to land that mark and make sure the payoff is good.
Character was perfect for me, they were filled with depth and life and I honestly belived the emotion put behind them. Nothing to complain about here.
Overall I would say that if the chapters were spread out a bit more it would make for an easier read. But the story behind that is really interesting~