Mana beetle

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

First you got a person that doesn't have any determination. Then give him a body perfectly suited for doing nothing. Then send him into the world with a title that forces him to do things.

Let's see how this turns out.

I'll see about having someone make my own cover.

Information

Status
Hiatus
Year
2019
Author
background character111111

Tags

ACTIONFANTASYADVENTUREMAGICCOMEDYSTRONG LEADMALE LEADNON-HUMAN LEADPORTAL FANTASY / ISEKAIREINCARNATION

Royal Road Stats

Rating
3.7/ 5.0
Followers
10
Views
172

Chapters(1 total)

Reviews

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Community Reviews(1)

  • ReneeWolfRoyal Road
    ★★★ 2.5
    Let us start with edits that I believe might help this out some
    You have:
    Spoiler: Spoiler
    1) "I tried to wiggle free from my self-made prison, in my Drowzee state to no avail."
    Drowzee is the pokemon; drowsy is the state of somnolence you mean. I would suggest either:
    'in my drowsy state' or rewriting (f you want to keep drowsy) this to 'I drowsily tried to wiggle free from my self-made prison to no avail.' Also checking your auto-correct as that might effect this.
    2) "I look behind me to see an ovoid shape shell. Behind that there is about 20 more similar shells.  I Crawl backwards"
    Maybe redo this as 'I look behind me to see an ovoid shaped shell, and some distance behind the shell there is about 20 more similar shells.' The difference is how you are using shape to describe something. Also using 'that' and 'there' next to each other is generally an example of poor english.
    3) "finally falling asleep do to exhaustion"
    the word your looking for is 'due'. Do is for action, not states or to explain.
    4) " I turn on the TV and start watching some news. before I can start enjoying it, I increase the volume so that I can hear it over the traffic"
    You might want: 'I turn on the TV and start watching some news but before I can start to enjoy it I have to increase the volume, so I can hear it over traffic.'
    The issues as is that you lack a capital letter at the start of a sentence and it seems choppy.
    5) "I live in a corner apartment on a busy street, because it was the cheapest one I could get. There was an another one which was a bit more expensive, but I really didn't think how noisy it would be.'
    a way to rewrite this could be 'I live in a corner apartment on a busy street. There was another option but this one was cheaper. I really didn't think about how noisy it would be.'
    The way you have it as is makes it seem like another corner apartment on a busy street was available, when what you mean is that there were more apartment choices. There is also a word left out of t