Making of Paradise

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2021

Author

Azurath

• Chapter 6 - Discoveries
  Jul 2, 2021
• Chapter 5 - Failure
  Jul 1, 2021
• Chapter 4 - Danger Zone
  Jul 1, 2021
• Chapter 3 - System
  Jun 30, 2021
• Chapter 2 - Survival
  Jun 30, 2021
• Chapter 1 - New Years
  Jun 29, 2021

Reviews

Community Reviews(5)

• Ayer12Royal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  Overall, quite the interesting premise and mechanics. The system is a bit different from what I've seen, which adds a sense of novelty to the story. Didn't notice many grammar mistakes and no major ones, the story is quite readable and enjoyable. It's written in the present tense, so if you aren't the type to like that, maybe this story won't be for you.
  Ambros does feel like a pretty flat character, but the story is just beginning and it would be unfair to judge character development so early. He seems used to killing stuff, so maybe there will be an explanation for that. So far, no other characters have been introduced so there's not much to evaluate.
  My only issue is with the power structure. While it's not easy to grasp exactly how strong Ambros is and the impact of his stats, he also seems to be advancing rapidly. The power escalation is only justified if the author is planning quite the high power ceiling in the future. If not, maybe slowing down would do the story some good. Ambros is also the first to do pretty much everything, placing him at a solid rank 1 as soon as it starts.
  In conclusion, it has a lot of potential and seems it will become a very interesting story indeed. Will be adding to my collection and be waiting for more
• Bluelightning42Royal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  Review swap disclaimer.
  Overall I like this story and hope to continue reading it as it progresses.
  The style is eternally consistent and stays for the most part in the present tense. Gramatically there are very few errors - nothing to make it unreadable. The wording choice is weird at times in dialogue and seems less like someone commenting on their surroundings and more like a play? "cough cough" he coughed for example. Its a combination of grammar and style thats slightly off but not enough to take away from my enjoyment.
  I think the weakest point is the character score. It feels slightly unfair to mark it down this early so I'll try to come back and revise after a (dozen more chapters?) but its not just a backstory thats needed with a character.
  The MC is super calm/excited by the system apocolapse he finds himself in. Almost like he had been waiting his whole life for something like this to happen. And thats fine! A MC that fights monsters for the first time and goes "neat" is fun to read at times. That being said there needs to be a reason for his personality. He's super chill with the apocolapese but is also confused by the system initially.
  Is he a gamer? Does he have metal knowledge of system apocolapse stories or LitRPG's in general? If so why is he initially confused by the system and stats.
  I think depending upon how he's characterized further this issue will be cleared up.
• penoveRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  This one has a bit of a rough start, due to a couple reasons, I'll speak more of it in spoilers. After you adjust though this does feel like it's a very fun LITRPG set in the real world, the main character is likeable, although he seems a little flat in my opinion. As in, he has very generic emotions to certain things like killing enemies, and he almost seems a little too excited at times doing life endangering stuff.
  Ambros isn't a terrible character, he just suffers Protagonist syndrome. I assume he always wanted something like this, as it's hinted that he's a gamer and likes playing games with stats and stuff like the system shows. Although, he seems a little too good at killing these mutants, maybe it's just me. He does get injured though, so I guess there's that.
  Overall, I just think the story may need another character to join the plot, since it would allow for a better look into who Ambros is through dialogue, as a good protagonist needs to be relatable or at least have some weight, no matter what genre.
  In conclusion, the story is a bit messy at times and can leave you confused, especially with the ammount of information it throws at the reader due to LITRPG pop-ups in giant blue boxes that kinda of rip you out of the story. Otherwise though, it seems like its going to be a less serious and more fun and action packed adventure through this wasteland, with quite an expansive world with many oppertunities! I can't wait to read more!
• Strif3Royal Road

  ★★★ 3.0

  I promised a detailed review and by god, I'm gonna give a detailed review. Spoilers up to the fifth chapter.
  Style: The writing style is... functional. Azurath writes in the present tense, which may throw some people off, but it can be done well. It's just hard lol. That's not a criticism though, just an observation. The criticism is that Azurath doesn't use much descriptive language, just enough to place the character and set a basic scene. Of course, so far the only places we've seen are the pentagon and the smithsonian, two well-known buildings that I and Azurath are familiar with, but another reader may not be. It would help to use more evocative language in the story, in order to bring the reader into the world being created.
  Take this passage from Chapter 2 for example:
  As Ambros patiently waits outside, he starts hearing noises that resemble horses galloping. Soon the sounds get louder as Ambros begins to notice animals running on the streets, tightly packed together.
  “Aren’t those rats at the front?” he asks himself as he watches multiple grey-furred animals that are at least a foot tall near his location.
  Ambros picks up a jog as he quickly gets close to the rats that were at the front and quickly slices through one of theirs necks using the sword. ‘Seems like not knowing any proper sword techniques can be made up by having enough strength.’ he thinks as obliterates the nearby creatures with wild, overhead strikes.
  which could be rewritten as:
  Streetlights flicker on the empty parking lot as Ambros waits patiently, watching the countdown. A faint rumble disturbs the peace, Ambros perking up at the sound in expectation. The rumbling grows louder and louder until, like a dam bursting, a wave of mutated fauna breaks past the corner of a building, finally visible in all their twisted glory.
  "Fucking rats." he grumbled, resting his sword on his shoulder, as the leading edge of the horde was made up of nothing but grey-furred dog-sized vermin, each little plague
• MoctemmaRoyal Road

  ★★ 2.0

  The best part of the story is the system. It's clear that there's a lot of work behind the scenes on all the data, names, stats, and so on. Unfortunately all the work went there. But as a first story it isn't bad, the weaknesses are something all beginners do.
  Style. I titled this review "As" because it's everywhere. Most of the sentences are constructed around the word as. And that makes the reading dull and repetitive. Some people may judge harsher this category, but I took into account that this is the first attempt at writing by the author. Redundancy also affects this category. There are descriptions with too much information, and it's information we already know.
  Grammar. Because all the sentences are structured the same, there are less mistakes. I'm also glad I didn't see abominations like "you're" instead of "your", or the like. The grammar is good enough to give an enjoyable read if the novel had more variety on the sentences.
  Story. It's plain and straightforward; just grind and increase your level. That's enough for more than three stars, but the pacing affects its score. We skip and rush all the important or interesting stuff to continue killing mutations. At the beginning we're throw into chaos, which could be great if there's something to hook the readers, but there's nothing there because the main character doesn't ask questions. For us to know more, the character needs to care about what's happening. If he asks questions about what's going on, we get or don't get answers. There was a moment in chapter three where he did ask. But that was after accepting everything as if the apocalypse was the most natural thing. Which leads me to the weakest part of the novel.
  Character. He is no one, he wants nothing, he just obeys and everything is handed to him. He's such an unnatural character this is the only possibility I can think of for him to exist (if he's in a virtual world and his body is being manipulated by crazy "scientists" with drugs and devices to n