Kai Lane: Beginning

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Kai was a simple middle school student. Unfortunately, he was not destined to go to high school. Kai encountered a different side of the world he lived in during his childhood.

It became a decisive element in the war between cultivators and hunters. While he started out as a spoiled and arrogant child, his maturation required a heavy price.

It is a story where emotions become a path of growth. It contains a different system than normal Xianxia, and its world is inspired by myths and legends.

Even though it is my first work, I recently made corrections on it. My native language is not English. Therefore, I would appreciate it if you pointed out my mistakes. So I can fix them.

Information

Status: Completed
Year: 2023
Author: The Writer Mea

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 3.9/ 5.0
Followers: 81
Views: 97,405

Reviews

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Community Reviews(10)

DabossUnberogenRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
It was an entertaining read, with good pacing. There were some errors, but not ones that impacted the story overall. The characterization was intriguing, and the somewhat unconventional adaptation of the specific genre made it fresh and unique. In total, it was well constructed, with a clear story line and good planning of the writing. It was a bit slow at times, but that was not really that much of an issue.
A.CrowneRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
The story is good, great even. The pacing moves well, and understanding how committed the author is to updating and correcting any mistakes in the layout and grammar of the story, I can't help but give them the benefit of the doubt in that market.
The author is doing their best to craft a compelling and interesting work that wraps the readers in its' embrace. In all honesty, they are succeeding in this. Like in all other things, there is room to grow, and I won't deny that.
I think if you give this work a chance, that you will not be dissapointed.
L.E. FrenchRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Style: From the author notes I read, it seems like this is the author's first book written in English. I am so impressed with writers who take on the task of writing in a second language. It really is such an incredible endeavor. While I do feel that the author is in the process still of developing their style when writing in English, I was excited to read this early work. It does read a little step-by-step, as in that there can be a repetition of sentence structure and action beats. The writing would benefit from more exposition and from spending more time revealing the inner feelings of the characters. But all of this takes time and I could see while reading that the style was improving.
Story: I enjoyed the themes of the story, especially when it comes to bullying. Everyone can relate to how it feels to be attacked or to see someone going after another person. It built a great deal of reader sympathy in me to read about the characters experiencing issues like this and to see how the author dealt with it. The story has plenty of action and continues along at a good pace. I feel that story is a strong point for this author.
Grammar: I noticed that the author shared that English is a second language and that there have been edits to address grammar. I do still see a great deal of issues with grammar, such as writing as switching tenses, or issues with formatting, especially with dialogue tags. However, readers should be patient as the author continues to work on the grammar in the story because it is a worthwhile story and it is so difficult to write in another language. I would recommend the author teaming up with a few native English speakers who would help with proofreading.
Characters: I enjoyed the cast of characters, especially Kai. I can tell the author was very thoughtful in creasing this cast. I would have liked to get deeper into the thoughts and feelings of the characters, or even to see a more complex view of them. But it's clear that the characters are
Littlegiant7Royal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
I can tell the author put a lot of time and effort into this book. The story is engaging and has a good pacing.
The world-building is a little slow in the beginning but it later picks up. The characters are lovable and also enjoyable to read.
All in all, this is a story with a lot of potential.
I definitely recommend it.
One Way JusticeRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Story: Very cool plot – Kai Lane is set in a believable modern-day world, which makes it instantly relatable. The reveal of his not so relatable (unfortunately!) powers in an unexpected setting makes for an emotionally engaging start to a story, which then rapidly takes off. I will not delve into spoilers too much, but the weaving of supernatural elements (xianxia style in unique quirky take) with the normal world is intriguing to say the least.
Characters: Kai is (was?) just an ordinary teen until the world gets turned upside down for him; it’s a cool mix of typical teenage angst with a whole new level of physical/magical prowess thrown in! Despite this, the fact that Kai is kind of also figuring things out and trying to keep his moral compass straight, makes him a character you can root for. Also: great interactions with Sam. Side-characters are generally believable as well, instead of merely cardboard cut-outs for the MC to act against.
Style: An accessible writing style which really lets the story shine. The prose deliberately takes a backseat to the action and the worldbuilding most of all (real humans with real human emotions!) so that you are drawn in to the story pretty much from the start. Pace/reader engagement is good throughout I found.
Grammar: Occasional little phrases where clarity could be improved by punctuation, but nothing that pulls you out of the story.
Florian HannemannRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Kai Lane: Beginning is a story with great potential, and I can almost feel the passion the author has put into the work. There is something about it where I can feel how much the author values their work, and that makes me appreciate it even more. However, there are a few small things that could be improved upon.
Style: The style of the story is pretty straight forward. The author uses clear and descriptive language. The dialogue feels real and the way the characters are described really makes them vivid. However sometimes the author seems to focus on things that are a little strange to put that much emphasize on. Like the blond hair, blue-eyed character trait. Although maybe I'm just not far enough into the story to understand that. What I really found myself enjoying were the action scenes. Clear and engaging. Good job on those!
Story: The story starts of a little slow, and the author takes their time to build it. The first four or five chapters are mainly laying the foundation before things kick off, but when they do, stuff feels like it's about to get exciting. For some people the slower pace might be a little off putting, but I like those stories.
Grammar: This is the somewhat weakest point of the story. There are a few typos or sentences that feel a little weird in the story. Some of them in the blurb already. I think the story could use another round of editing, although, as a non-native speaker myself, I have to give the author probs for what he has achieved. I know myself how hard it can be to write in a foreign language and I think, all things considered, that the author is doing a fantastic job.
Character: The characters seem real and alive. Their interactions are pretty strong and make them all shine. The author does a great job of painting characters through their dialogue and interactions. I found the MC relatable and likable. He tends to be on the "perfect" MC kind of side that is quite common, but that didn't bother me too much.
Overall I can recomme
PawnsRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Style: I commend your attention to detail in maintaining cleanly separated paragraphs and consistently using quotation marks for dialogue. Your writing carries a clear and distinct voice, making it easy to engage with. I appreciate the occasional use of italics for dialogue, but it would be helpful to understand its purpose, whether for emphasis or internal dialogue.
Grammar: Your courage to write in a non-native language is commendable, and I believe your skills will undoubtedly improve with time. It's understandable to encounter challenges in grammar, such as word choice issues and tense fluctuations, which even native speakers face. While I admire your dedication, there were moments when I felt a bit confused.
Story: I'm intrigued by your focus on physical attributes like blonde hair and blue eyes. While character description is crucial, emphasizing these traits may be worth reconsidering to avoid creating discomfort for readers. The inclusion of pre-pubescent characters in intense situations raised some concerns. The plot gains momentum with the introduction of the Academy and powers in later chapters, but the magic school genre feels somewhat familiar. Kai's more villainous perspective is a unique touch at least.
Characters: The characters could benefit from greater depth. Kai, though a capable protagonist, follows a somewhat standard archetype. Sam and Jack, as Kai's friends, could use more agency, and exploring their daily lives outside of Kai's influence would add richness. Seth's role seems somewhat one dimensional, primarily serving to showcase Kai's abilities. The sudden romance with Lily feels abrupt, and more exploration of Lily's individuality beyond being Kai's love interest would enrich her character.
Overall: Your efforts in writing in a second language are admirable and elevate the story. I hope you continue to find joy in writing, and I look forward to seeing your progress.
Sandaru JadeRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Overall: The story is like a coming of age story, where a young adult with cool powers starts a new life away from home. It's interesting to see how he will be handling that. I reccomend to be a nice read.
Story: This is the strongest part, and it's filled with secrets waiting to be discovered. The worldbuilding wasn't much discussed in the first few chapters, but it's going to start as the MC is introduced to a new world.
Characters: Young and a bit confused, hot headed characters with a lot of space and time to grow up, and learn from their mistakes. I think MC (handsome and strong) is well-crafted and would like to see him grow.
Style: Currently, I feel the style is good, as the events are not too hard to follow.
Grammar: Grammar is the weakest part of the story, because of the major problem of pronoun swapping. The MC is a boy, but many times he was referred to as she and his things were referred to as her things. It happens with other characters too, making the story, characters, and style all a bit confusing. I informed the author and the author is going to edit them, so, it would be fine.
zoog1157Royal Road
★★★★ 4.0
The author's writing style is immersive, effectively conveying the intensity of the scenes and maintaining a suspenseful atmosphere. Descriptive passages vividly depict the physical and emotional aspects of the story, enhancing the reader's engagement. The incorporation of supernatural elements, such as Kai's changing eyes and the mist reflecting his emotions, adds a layer of mystique, contributing to the overall appeal of the narrative.
The plot unfolds with a skillful blend of suspense, horror, and mystery. The pacing keeps the reader on edge, as new threats and revelations emerge, weaving a captivating narrative. The introduction of the axe-wielding murderer and the subsequent scenes of violence create a chilling ambiance, effectively heightening the stakes.
In terms of grammar, the writing is generally polished, maintaining a smooth flow that aids in the seamless progression of the story. However, there are occasional moments where sentence structures could be refined for enhanced clarity. Minor grammatical adjustments would contribute to a more polished reading experience.
Overall, the story displays promising elements of a gripping supernatural thriller. The character depth, writing style, and plot development create a captivating narrative that holds the reader's interest. With minor refinements in grammar and a bit more exploration of character psychology, the story has the potential to evolve into a compelling and immersive experience for readers.
SkarabraeRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Style: The story's word choice would create a good feeling of tone; however, its formatting is very strange. There are gaps that are too long at certain places, and dialogue is mixed into paragraphs rather than being separate. This can make the story very difficult to read at times.
Story: The story's plot develops at the rate it needs to; however, its pacing can be a bit strange at times, which holds it back. The story itself is very interesting. It is a xianxia in a modern setting, and at the point I've read up to, it is about the main character suddenly getting powers in his day to day life. It deals with the gradual consequences of these powers and how the main character deals with them.
Grammar: The story's grammar is not very good. There are numerous grammatical errors, and they can be quite distracting. Most of the errors are punctuation, rather than spelling, errors.
Character: The characters, main and side, are well depicted and realistic. However, not all of them are 3 dimensional. This is fine for a story like this, but Royal Road's review criteria have 3 dimensional as a category for the character score. So, I'm judging it based on that criteria. Aside from that, the characters are all interesting and memorable.