JUNO

Information

Status

Completed

Year

2022

Author

K.Asvoria

• JUNO [THE END]
  Jun 4, 2022
• THE KNOWLEDGE
  Jun 4, 2022
• THE ATTACK
  Jun 4, 2022
• THE CONCEPTION
  Jun 4, 2022
• THE METHOD
  Jun 3, 2022
• THE CHILD
  Jun 3, 2022
• THE EYE
  Jun 2, 2022
• THE CHURCH
  Jun 2, 2022
• THE DOG
  Jun 2, 2022
• THE PROTEST
  Jun 2, 2022

Reviews

Community Reviews(2)

• TealiciousTeaRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  My overall impression was a fun short story filled with personality and splashes of deeper concepts.
  Style -
  Very dialogue-heavy. I like a bit more description. I think it would enhance the already compelling dialogue. It doesn't have to be a lot. Even a line or two. Some stronger verb choices as well would help. But increasing that vocab range is just one of those endless tasks as an ESL writer, feel free to ignore the advice if it is me patronising.
  There is always tense switching in the description. Best to try and catch these on the editing stage, use Grammarly to help.
  However, what description is here, is concise and tells me the key details I need to know. So good 'spartan' use of description.
  But yeah, the dialogue is great. A breeze to read through and gripping so I want to take in every word.
  Story - the best part is it is an enjoyable and zanny ride. I wouldn't change a thing.
  Grammar - needs work, Grammarly can help.
  Characters - there is a lot of them for a short story, perhaps a little trimming but they are full of personality and dimension. Each fits the story and has a part to play.
  Thoughts -
  The first paragraph is a confusing one for me. Like it is fine. But it is interesting that you put the dialogue first.
  It does show the most important piece of information, however, you are then left with an awkward sentence after to set the speaker and the scene. If you flip it to "The head surgeon walked out of the operating theatre, his team trailing behind, "Congratulations…"
  It reads, imo, better. We have the actor put to the forefront, some more vivid verb choices and the scene info. But, the key information is shafted to the middle.
  I am not going to argue which one is right. I have written another possibility and hope it is an least an interesting opinion.
• Evelyn AdelbergRoyal Road

  ★★★ 3.0

  Although the moral implications behind the topics discussed in this story are interesting, there are quite a few narrative issues. This is especially visible when new characters are introduced, as they don’t often get enough, if any, physical descriptions, or any kind of set-up for who they are and their motivations. The same goes for background settings and locations.
  Since this is a sci-fi story, I would have loved to see more of the world it takes place in, and learn more about the characters before they get thrown into action.
  Style 3
  Story 4
  Grammar 3.5
  Character 3