Judah Judas Legacy

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Being a magician/wizard/mage in the Kingdom of Romania is not a crime like in other kingdoms which you can be punished with death or in jail for the rest of your life. In this series, you will find the story of the squire Judah and the warrior Fiona who are soldiers of the Royal Army of Romania and fight almost every day to make this Kingdom peaceful and have some good time by going into adventures, missions, spending time with friends and making some amazing adventures.

Note:

This story is also available on Webnovel, and I will be posting this story on RoyalRoad to gain some important feedback

Webnovel account name: Septic_Red

Webnovel account link: https://www.webnovel.com/profile/4311650220?appId=10

Webnovel story link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/judah-judas-adventures_16897122305661805

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2021
Author: Septic_Red

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.0/ 5.0
Followers: 8
Views: 49,042

Chapters(207 total)

Reviews

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Community Reviews(1)

Writer's ScienceRoyal Road
★★★ 3.0
I liked the premise of the story, but it was let down by the tense and character psychology.
Stylistically, this serial appears to be written in 1st person omnipotent. Meaning that the story is written in first person from a godlike view of the world. I have very rarely seen this pulled off well, because it has to make sense within the context of the MC's POV. So, if the main chracter were Death themself, I could see this working, but I just don't feel this tense is suitable for an MC who is a 10 year old budding magician
There also aren't an awful lot of, what I call, anchor points to help the reader get a picture of where these characters are and what they look like. I am a very visual reader and tend to think in pictures rather than words, so if things aren't well described I tend to be put off.
I have nothing to say about the grammar, that is perfectly fine and I liked the premise of the story. However it was let down by the character psychology.
In complete fairness, I am a trained psychologist and I'm therefore a bit more aware and picky about this than most, but hear me out. The tense used, makes the main character, a 10 year old, read as much more mature than is probable. the dialogue is also extremely mature for the MC and it's written in the same way throughout and all the characters written have the same voice. I would have liked to see more variation in dialogue from chracter to character.
In summary, I feel the story wuld have worked out a lot better if a theme of the MC looking back at his time as a low level magician had been made clear and in place in the prologue. tHat way, the idea of an omnipotent narrator could have been more comprehendible, while the dialogue could have been brought closer to the level of a 10 year old.