John's worries about his Harem

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Synopsis:(John's worries about his Harem)- John, a boy who greatly mistrusts the sincerity of his unbelievable "harem", stumbles upon five mysterious men by accident. They captured and forced him into cooperating with them, signaling the start of his life's greatest change.

[Author's Words as of January 5, 2017: I appologize to everyone for being gone without a word. I know it is inexcusable, but please forgive me. My laptop died so this happened. Right now, I'm done re-editing the available chapters. I plan to release chapters again once I've completed writing all of PART 1. I'll be releasing 1 chapter a day once that happens.

I am already done with arc 2, and arc 3 will be short, followed by the finale.][September 2019]The story will continue soon.

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2015
Author: revengeZN

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 2.6/ 5.0
Followers: 46
Views: 43,306

Chapters(20 total)

Reviews

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Community Reviews(2)

FruitsellerRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Can I start by saying I liked this story, it was enjoyable to read and it really did hook me. That being said, here’s my review.
First starting with technical details:
>missing words- there are whole sentences that simply don’t make sense because of it e.g. “During the preparations earlier, they it took out from wherever they hid it after Ivan ordered them to.” -This doesn’t happen very frequently, with maybe one mistake like that in almost every chapter.
>outside of that there aren’t any real problems in terms of grammar, spelling or punctuation. Its clear that you’ve reviewed a lot of your own work and its nice to see that kind of diligence.
Now, for Style:
>Little/ lack of any description- its almost upsetting how many locations your narrative brings the reader into without the slightest hint of description. And even more alarmingly, everything that happens, happens without description. Onomatopoeia is often used but outside of that nothing. As a result, everything feels plainer then it should be, and it’s a real shame. Writers are often told to “show not tell” but in this case there's a lot of information that your not even telling. Granted this forces the reader to fill in the blanks with their imagination a process I enjoy, but lending a hand in that process wouldn’t hurt.
>Using dialogue for exposition- when done well, you share valuable information about the environment or the relationship of the two people talking, while seamlessly continuing a conversation. Unfortunately its done so often, that you inevitably end up doing it poorly, with some conversations being clunky and weird for the sake of exposition.
>The influence of Japanese society and anime- This is actually not uncommon on this website and might even be a pull factor for some readers. Personally, I have very mixed feelings about this, on one hand (considering the names of most characters) it feels half-arsed and almost cheap, go all the way or not at all. On the other hand, its almost cringe ind
RoknarRoyal Road
★★ 1.5
Sorry but this story is scattered all over the place. Not sure what's going on and to be honest not sure if I want to know. Needs cleaning up and put in some kind of order.