Description

Kolo's life didn't end when the man in the sabretooth mask ran his sword through her. It began anew. He was a disciple of the lost Iron God, whose power once kept the world alive. Now, she is too. With the whisper of this strange god in her heart and everyone looking to her for a miracle, she could build a new world...or a new hell.

Updates semi-regularly. Absolutely committed to finishing!

Community Reviews(2)

Aaron Sofaer (aka Pastafarian)Royal Road

★★★★★ 5.0

We've got what looks like an interesting cast of characters coming together, some interesting worldbuilding, and a bunch of mystery boxes. The writing ranges from competent to evocative. I'm looking forward to getting more! It looks like the kind of setting where we could wind up seeing either a lot of kindness-among-struggle or a lot of brutality, and I'm hoping for the former.

MachineCapybaraRoyal Road

★★★★★ 5.0

Overall:
I truly believe that, based on what's been published so far, this story has a great potential, an interesting premise, and so on. The devil is in the delivery, but that will surely improve with more practice.
Story 5/5:
Let's start with the best: I think the premise has a lot of potential, and even at chapter 2, we can see some intricacies of the world, which you managed to include without boring infodumping. It is too early to judge stuff like structure, but I haven't read anything that would indicate future problems with it. Hence, 5/5.
Grammar 4.5/5:
I've noticed some typos, but no truly major problems. I'd recommend using some (even free) grammar checking program, or one more swipe of proofreading.
Style 4/5:
I think that right now, this is the thing that could benefit the most from a reasonable amount of effort. You seem to repeat the same words and pronouns a lot, to the point that it bothered me while reading. At times it could be easily solved by introducing more variety to sentences construction, or eliminating some filter words. (For a start, try highlighting every 'she' and 'he', just to see how many of them there are). Then, you could think a bit more about how the characters would think of themselves - When in Kolo's PoV, do you intentionally avoid the use of her name? But then, it changes when she introduces herself. This would make great sense if the scene was written from Nana's perspective - but right now, it seems unnatural. Then with Azvalath - does he think of himself as the masked man first, and Azvalath second?
Still, there wasn't anything that made me want to throw the book away with the computer or to grab some eye-protecting glasses - so, 4/5 it is.
Character 5/5
The characters visibly differ between themselves and are quite intriguing. There was a lot of characterisation done already, and it shows a lot of promise for the future. However, there is one thing that I think you may want to do a bit differently in the future - when intr

Iron God

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Chapters(20 total)

Reviews

Community Reviews(2)