Heroing With Benefits

Sir Rolex Might chased a hero's death. Got express delivery. Now I've got his body—barely used, one reckless owner.

Nice guys finish last. I learned it firsthand back on Earth as I died. Time to be selfish. Lost cat? Not in my job description. Evil king? Best dental plan in the Realm. Demon Queen? I can fix her, I swear (she's hot and only wants to conquer HALF the world).

But something is wrong with this world's logic.

I lift rocks for fun. The dwarf admires my brutal training. I flirt with a princess. My elf girlfriend cheers—hero needs many wives, she says. I charge a premium. The gnome is happy to learn that rocks aren't real food. I skip fetch quests. Guild master calls me efficient.

They think their hero grew up. Got wiser. Truth is, I just act selfish.

Somehow that makes me their perfect hero.