HEfTY

What if everyone in the world gave you $1?

That’s what Hefty, a fat and cocky 14-year-old computer hacker tries to do. He bets on Bitcoin, and becomes a millionaire. Nevertheless, it’s short lived because Hefty is under the beck and call of his BPD mom. Hefty’s mom has leukemia. After seeing his mom’s hospital bill, he goes full tilt on the internet, selling crazy things on the Dark Web, like drones, drugs, and guns.

And under his nose, someone’s been watching Hefty.

Before he knows it, he’s abducted by ISIS and transported to Syria. ISIS’s chief tech officer was blown apart in an airstrike. All of ISIS’s money freshly minted into Cryptocurrencies. The passcodes in his mind blew up with the airstrike. The King of ISIS, forces Hefty to find the passcodes. At gunpoint, Hefty can’t say no, but tricks the King. The King makes a deal with him: If Hefty gets the money off the server, he gets to keep his life (and 10%). Hefty agrees and sees the amount from his 10%: $1.1 Billion in BTC.

Drunk with money, Hefty joins the King and naively agrees to help ISIS, and starts buying everything he’s always wanted.

He still misses home though, and after a google search brings up his mom, he throws bread crumbs through the internet. He creates digital trails throughout the back end of sites he hacks so people can find him.

Even though his lifestyle is fun and exciting, ISIS starts to look less inspiring. Hefty sees the cruelty of ISIS’s cause and it disillusions him from thinking the Caliphate is noble. After some ISIS friends start dying, Hefty sees that war is dumb. Hefty tells his dying friend, on his last breaths, that he is going to take down ISIS. Mistake. With his last yells, his friend tattles on Hefty. Overnight, he goes from Multimillionaire to POW. The King gives him 2 options: blow up his favorite team on a game day of the Cleveland Browns, or his mother dies. Hefty chooses his mother.

Within weeks, Hefty covertly writes software to defeat ISIS, leaving enough breadcrumbs to attract the Chief of Staff of the U.S. Army, General Tarvish. Acting quickly, General Tarvish works to find Hefty and uncover the Brown’s Stadium plot.

Hefty finds a way to bomb the stadium, using an order that the president enacted putting all combat planes: no matter where over the US, had to be fully loaded and ready for war. Tarvish didn’t plan this into his counter measure.

Hefty has set up ambushes against the Caliphate of ISIS… but the joke turns on him when he forgets to delete his code, and his terror attack on Brown’s Stadium goes off. Hefty’s location goes live, and an air campaign against the Caliphate starts. The US President angrily tries to drop a nuclear bomb on Hefty and the Caliphate. Tarvish kills the President before he can order the attack.

The King flees by truck into the desert, but brings his cyber weapon: Hefty.

Fed up, unafraid, and frankly pissed off, Hefty grows some balls and kills everyone in the car, giving the King his just reward, and careening down a mountain in the process.