Heartburn
Self-Published
Community Rating
Description
When a young woman, Leah, attempts to escape her crumbling, dangerous relationship with her abuser, Marie, everything changes drastically.Surrounding herself with better friends and with her kitten companion, Leah takes a journey to discover herself and her dreams.
Expect to see LGBT+ characters and their relationships.
Information
- Status
- Hiatus
- Year
- 2022
- Author
- MissesFlare
Royal Road Stats
- Rating
- 4.0/ 5.0
- Followers
- 2
- Views
- 1,668
Chapters(8 total)
Reviews
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Community Reviews(1)
- TealiciousTeaRoyal Road★★★★ 4.0Good start!
Got to love a cat, I felt rage when the cat (and our mc) faced abuse. The character work is well done. A compelling hook for the next chapter to see the fate of the cat.
Nice work!
There is room for improvement. On style, story, grammar and character. We all start somewhere, and you have a good foundation. Space to grow is where you should be at for your first web novel posting.
The main thing I would point out is the paragraph sizes. It is a common mistake. When on RR, I often read on my phone. A medium sized paragraph on a laptop is a block of text on a phone. Posting a web novel is different from say submitting an essay. In the former, you are trying to attract the reader's time and energy. Readers read what is valuable to them. Give you money if you publish and they think it is valuable. In the latter, a teacher is paid to read your work.
Suffice to say it helps to make things easier for your reader.
Simple guide is one paragraph per Character/speaker/actor.
If the character is doing more than one important action then spilit them up. Character A cries looking at their reflection in the mirror and thinks self critical thoughts ... They pet their cat for comfort.
The emotional change from self critical to comfort could merit a paragraph change. (Or not) Both moments are important. They deserve distinct paragraph. One big paragraph becomes two smaller ones. Easier to read, and the text is clearer in the meaning you are trying to convey.
Read around other popular authors works on RR. For more style tips. How to present the story. There is a recommendation LGBT+ thread I believe in the forums. DM me if you can't find it.