Guardian of Isoraeon - The Original Sin

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

In the world of Isoraeon, there are only two races present. Meoons and Witches. The two have been friendly with each other for the most part apart from always being given connotations of good and evil. Three centuries have passed since the inception of the world and the two races seemed to get along. Despite the differences in their way of attaining their powers, they seemed to understand that no one is really there to hurt each other. However, they (their ancestors) made a deal to never breed with one another as they have no idea of what kind of being will come out. However, two rebels dared defy this rule during the fourth century. The being that came to be was coined "The Original Sin."

At present, the story follows a sweet girl named Keira who is curious to know more about the world of Isoraeon. Using her birthday as a chance to go to the outside world, her mother, Isolfar agreed to take her to the Meoons and Witches. Unbeknownst to Keira, Isolfar is hiding something very important about her daughter. And one night, Isolfar made an ultimatum that would forever change Keira's perception of the her and the world around.

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2024
Author: Odi Eris

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.0/ 5.0
Followers: 1
Views: 3,846

Chapters(15 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(6)

BachemonoRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
I was a little worried reading the other reviews but I have to say, this story has a lot going for it both thematically and world building-wise. I can see it becoming something truly special somewhere down the road as the author expands the world and the characters inside of it. The first few chapters seem to function as some sort of an introduction before the story truly begins in chapter 4, so I wouldn't judge that aspect of the fiction before reading at least that much.
Style-wise, I think the story could do without the prologue chapter. I understand why it was added, but I think it was a bit confusing to follow without later context. The first chapter is fine as an attention grabber, but maybe some polishing could help if it's really a concern (though it seems to have been polished since some of the older reviewers said anything).
Overall I think the author has a lot of passion for this story and it bleeds through the words on the screen. I do believe it'll get even better down the road as the world, its characters, and the themes are explored. Isolfar's character is great conceptually and I'd be interested in seeing Keira's goals solidified as the story continues.
TheJournalistRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
The story is both intense and gripping. There is heart and passion behind it which is driving everything forward, engaging the reader to want to know even more. Although there are some inconsistencies, nothing too serious, and I was engaged with the story the whole time, wanting to read whatever might happen next.
The style is a bit tricky and needs some work, but there is a noticeable improvement from the first and last chapter, a testament to the author's capabilities. The pacing could be improved, but as it is nothing serious, so good job there.
The main character Keira is very well written and seemed fleshed out with believable motivations, flaws, and strengths of her own. Her mother is even more interesting as another reviewer mentioned, and has an emotional depth that adds more flavor to the story. Their interactions thus far have been great and realistic, which up my alley as well.
The grammar is a bit tricky, although there aren't any glaring issues, there is some... The author is clearly not a native speaker but is improving at a fast rate. Overall I would recommend this story, it has heart, it has potential, and what's more to want. Thanks
Eli'sPencilRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
This story has so much potential, yet there are a few things holding it back.
Grammar: Unfortunately the grammar isn’t perfect. Mistakes happen, but I noticed a lot of tense switching, going from past tense to present tense, multiple times throughout the first 5 chapters. It’s still legible, it’s just really awkward to read, especially when it’s coupled with the other issues. Which bring us too…
Style: I mentioned before that it switches between tenses, which causes the writing style itself to appear wonky. I noticed theirs also times where it switches from third person to second person, making it more awkward to read through. Another problem I have is the way dialogue is written. The story is supposed to take place in a fantastical setting, yet the characters talk like the students at my college. To put it simply, they speak too modern/casually for the setting in my opinion. It sort of pulls me out of the story. The dialogue almost seems childish to a degree. Additionally, the author needs to work on describing things more often. For example, the MC will enter a new area but the new area isn’t described at all. This improves in chapter 3 and 4. Another commenter touched on this, but the author should also work on having the characters actually move about and emote throughout the story. As I read, I picture everyone standing around statically like a Genshin Impact cutscene since they aren’t described to be doing anything. It could be simple stuff like having their arms crossed or sipping from a mug. Adding stuff like that will improve those scenes where characters are talking to one another.
Character: The characters are actually pretty good. I find the MCs mother to be the most interesting character so far. In fact, she saved the whole story for me. I was sort of getting bored with the characters until a certain thing involving the mother happened.
Story: Overall, the story is good. The author sometimes will introduce something without explaining it which gets anno
LonebotRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Style: Right from the start, the story delivery is unclear and all over the place, with the main concern being that it goes too fast. My primary suggestion to you is to take your time telling the story. Add in more descriptions, because it currently feels like one chapter can be stretched longer, even to two or three at minimum. Because it is your story, you get to decide what you want to add, but just make sure the writing can flow nicely as you continue.
Story: One of the main highlights is how many good and interesting concepts you have put into the story. From the races, to the unique abilities, and even the characters. However, very few of them are slowly or carefully explored and are just thrown at us through full exposition dumps. To develop your concepts well, use show, not tell, or feed it to the readers at a much slower pace, because having a chunk of information given all at once rarely works and is prone to be easily forgotten by the readers.
Grammar: Still a number of mistakes, unfortunately. Proofreading is important, read through the story in your head or ask someone close to you to read it and check for any mistakes. Apart from that, there are also some grammar choices you can make to let the story flow better, for example in Chapter 3, you can change Isolfar's continuous name mentions into 'her' instead, you don't have to keep mentioning her name during all the action, the readers will understand what is going on as long as it's clear.
Characters: Keira as a character will have to be fully fleshed out more, because right now she seems like a very blank slate. Surprisingly it's the other characters like Isolfar and Asher that have captured my interest and I hope we can learn more about them.
Side note: I think your intro can be improved because right now, it feels very boring and unappealing. What I suggest is either a prologue teasing the events of Chapter 3 or one line to start the whole thing off, like 'It was Keira's sixteenth birthday.' Either w
FremdaRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
My review is that I and possibly others would enjoy it more if it were revised. I found the dialogue too stiff and the construction of the prose too unrefined to really get engaged in the characters or the story. Small things which I perceived as mishaps cropped up in the text often.
The story itself, in the broad strokes, is about possessive parenthood, recovery, and a pair of societies that I may have read as separating themselves to prevent cross-romantic engagement. I hope the end attitude of the story is that that is bad. But I don't know how close it is to being finished or what the ultimate conclusion is regarding those things. I think there's a lot you can do there.
There are a number of recurring activities in the text that I would like to address. These mostly concern how the prose is written. Some of these have already been mentioned by other readers, but I'd like to echo them and give some examples.
Tenses:
The most prominent feature is the way that the writing switches between tenses quickly, and sometimes in the same sentence. Like others I found it jarring, and I don't think it really contributed to my experience.
These are the ones I found the most noticeable.
Isolfar looked at Sylvia and smiles.
Her nose was bled from the punch.
Candles on almost every corner of the house and an animal head that looks like both that of a goat and a tiger.
She looked up and noticed that the moon is nowhere near full.
Asher attacked her from behind as soon as the shield wears off and smashes her with the staff.
Turns of Phrase:
There's turns of phrase that are technically correct, but I thought were constructed in a way that played a role in taking me out of the story.
This is a common phenomenon. Most of them aren't prescriptively incorrect, and if they were I wouldn't care. But they don't sound right to me.
“I’m willing to entertain further questions if you may have one,” Asher offered.
I think I expected any instead of one, given she's offering entertainment of mul
JDTHEGREATANIMALRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
Since I've finished your story, it's decent, but your story needs some work. Some of your sentences sounded choppy, and some of the sentences that were not the characters' thinking kept switching from past to present, which is jarring. There is potential in your story, but I think some editing can make the prose sound smoother and flow better — and with suggestions I've put in the first chapter.