Exalted Warlock

Information

Status

Hiatus

Author

Abdirah

Reviews

Community Reviews(10)

• AnthezarRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  Review given after finishing chapter eight.
  STYLE:
  I can see the style amidst the grammar issues (will talk more on this below) and I think it’s great. It’s raw, yes. Very raw, but I can see and it has fantastic potential. I know some reviewers have mentioned that it switches to the second tense and that technically is true; however, it’s more reminiscent of the fourth wall being broken. Whether or not this is intentional is another duck, but I’ve read works that have done this and it can be funny. It has a quirky feel to it. It’s different. I like it.
  STORY:
  There’s a lot of fluff and that’s not a bad thing, per se. I understand this has been stated in the description, but I feel there’s a lot that can be improved upon. The prologue set up some things that had me excited. I was wondering about it and was drawn to the concept of the giant world tree. But then the story ambles along with Magnus, never returning to the enormous tree. Perhaps removing the prologue altogether might be best. Like I said, the slow slice of life pace isn’t bad – I write a lot of that in my stories as well – but I wish the dialogue and prose had more foreshadowing within it. I love fluff and I love writing it, but it also needs to work harder to justify its presence on the page.
  Nonetheless, I’ve enjoyed the story so far and I think it has great potential.
  GRAMMAR:
  Here’s where most of the issues lie, unfortunately. I hate giving it three stars, but this needs work. It doesn’t feel edited, only a first draft – because of this, it feels clunky and unpolished. I would advise tightening the exposition and dialogue. Find your style in it. There’s a lot there, but it’s encumbered by a lot of unnecessary words in the prose. There are also a lot of problems, namely: punctuation, grammar, tense changes from present to past, and plenty of typos. I would study punctuation, mainly the Oxford comma. There are TONS of commas in all the wrong places and not enough in the right places. Less commas, I beg
• Mind sentienceRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  Story has some good potential. It's flows pretty well and reads just as good. It might have some flaws here and there, but it's definitely a gem to keep an eye on.
• CherShootXRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  I don't know if it was just me or I feel that the story set a little too back from where it should be. But how it was set up at the prologue and the first chapter was attractive enough.
  But overall is good, some grammar problem here and there but who's free from it?
  The style's sometime inconsistence but already good.
  Character are told descriptively so it was clear for anyone how to imagine it.
  Although the amount of chapter for now is still a bit lacking for me to know further.
• Elliot MoorsRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  This review applies up to Arc 2, Chapter 4.
  STYLE:
  The style is simple but perfectly readable. One downside is that the story tends to linger on certain beats for longer than it has to, with descriptions that feel overly long without adding much of value. This ends up making certain scenes feel longer than they actually are. I believe some editing in this department could really shape things up, but it's perfectly serviceable as is.
  GRAMMAR:
  A noticed a fair number of errors here in terms of punctuation, sentence structure, and general spelling mistakes. It's not enough to pull you out of the story, but it can get distracting. Like with the style, I think a good, rough edit could make the story flow more smoothly.
  STORY:
  This was the high point of this work for me, definitely. The worldbuilding given is interesting without being too obtrusive. Superpowers crossed with mechs is a really fun combo, and the transition to a more traditional fantasy setting was intriguing as well. I wonder what the author might have planned for the story.
  CHARACTER:
  The characters are a little bit on the two-dimensional side at this point in the story, but the traits they're given are quite fun and exaggerated, which makes them interesting to read about all the same. I have faith that the author will expand upon the characters and make them more fleshed out with further updates.
  OVERALL:
  It's a fun story with some neat worldbuilding at the forefront. It could use a polish, but it's clear that the author has a solid vision of where they want the narrative to go, and it seems like it'll only get better with future updates. Recommended for people who enjoy action, lots of sci-fi/fantasy elements, and an active protagonist.
• TimothyMcGowenRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  Overall: I like the idea. I feel like if you can overlook the strange style of narration and many grammar mistakes and misused words you will enjoy the story. After three chapters it became hard to read, so I came back later. I made my way through it all ( 10 Chapters currently ) but the style really grated my senses.
  Style: I took two stars off because it just felt like little thought was given to style. You have a strong story and if you make a choice in how you'd like to tell it and take your time it would be awesome!
  Story: Full marks, I enjoyed the ideas behind the words.
  Grammar: Yikes, so I am not a grammar nazi and far from perfect myself, but it was noticeable. I think if you would take some time and re-read before posting you could avoid 90% of the misused words.
  Character: Your characters seemed real enough for me.
• AzakenRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  Here I am, responding to the review swap request!
  Anyways, I really did like your story!   I think this concept seems really great and original, and I already feel like I care about what happens to the characters.  However, maybe the prologue just needs some resolutions or fixing up, or maybe its just me and I need to re-read the earlier chapters again, but I felt like I was a bit confused at parts when some things happened.  That said, the grammar was really good, or at least, I didn't notice any grammar issues, so I think you are really putting good effort into it!
  Hope you keep going strong!
• SigurdRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  Style: 4
  Paragraphs, wording and dialogue structure are done correctly for the most part (albeit not always). I don't really get if the story was originally indended to be presented like a diary (chapter two brings up a date of the events, then it never does it again) or if it's just a way to introduce the reader to the time of the setting. Also, pasting links into the main text is something that should never be done. There are spaces at the top and bottom just for that. It's properly done after chapter one, but for this to be a proper review I have to say that everything looks a bit like a draft.
  Grammar: 3
  The author uses a very simple English. It's not a bad thing per se, given the fact that it's probably not a first language for him, but can definitely scare away most readers. Tenses are mostly ok, but punctuation is sometimes misused and there are many, many repetitions. Really needs an edit as soon as possible. A pity.
  Story: 4,5
  Easily the best part of this work. The vivid landscapes of this fantasy space opera are crafted expertly and manage to stick into the mind of the reader even with the so-so writing. Without spoiling anything, I really like the premise of what's happening on Earth in this fictional future. Bonus points for how the author builds up tension and relief in the scenes. Very good.
  Characters: 4
  Magnus is an effective protagonist, surrounded by a secondary cast that never gets too elaborate. It's a good thing because it takes a short time to get used to the new characters each time they are presented but might make the story a little predictable on the long run. I will give this section the benefit of the doubt, because it's still very early to tell.
  Overall: 4
  Give it a read, it might surprise you. Even while the grammar could use some love, it's definitely an interesting story. I hope the author fixes the issues, it has potential!
• B. A. Baker (Thedude3445)Royal Road

  ★★★★ 3.5

  This story is a decent sci-fi premise set in a somewhat-near future world, complete with AI assistants following you around and cyberpunk bars to hang out in. The story's... not really gone anywhere yet so far, but the setup has some mechas and everyone likes mechas. However, so far, we are also given a lot of writing that is kind of hard to get through, with lots of grammar and syntax errors. It's better in the most recent chapter though.
  One thing that worries me is the plot synopsis and the prologue... For all of this sci-fi worldbuilding, this almost seems like, 50 pages in, this is all prologue for some fantasy isekai harem story and the sci-fi slice-of-life kind of world is going to disappear in a few chapters. As someone who would like to see a more diverse use of genre on this website, I hope I'm wrong about this!
• LooseLeafOolongRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 3.5

  First the good part:
  This story is easy to follow: there's only one main character (so far) and the events build a picture of who this person is.
  But some comments:
  Unfortunately the shifting narration style (is it second person? third person? at least first person wasn't thrown in there too) and some missing words disrupt the flow of the reading, even if it doesn't disrupt the story itself.
  It would easily be a higher rated story if the grammar was fixed and the narration style was unified - presumably to third person.
  The dialog is also more along the lines of how people think versus how they actually talk. The characters are often "saying too much"; the lines could be cut down to more natural exchanges.
• EvanarRoyal Road

  ★★★ 3.0

  The general story & setting is what shows promise, with a few bits that can really draw you in.
  But that's about it. The main character is one of the more frustrating parts. When you list everything about him, you should come out with a pretty interesting character. However with everything that happens and the way it's written, he still manages to come off as a whiny brat.
  The introductionary  'arc' has way too much happen for a simple introduction and is too long. So either it needs to loop back to that world, or the story spent way too much time on characters that do not matter.
  The story goes for emotional stuff, but after ending up in another world, time is skipped and only later you get a few throwaway lines on what happened when he arrived.
  He's been having nightmares, but not about his mother who was brutally murdered and who's funeral got stomped on. No, about the random people who've been close to getting him killed themselves.
  Some the writing falls flat or fails to deliver the intended message in a meaningful way. When trying to describe a woman that really screwed him over, he calls her 'the Bitchiest bitch of bitches'. Which feels like something a child would say and jarring with the seriousness of the relevant paragragh.
  So far the lead character also feels like too much like a victim, reacting to things and running about, chasing at the tails of solution.