Edge of Freedom

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

The Arlin Empire has been spreading across the continent powered by magore, a dangerous material that is poisonous to life. In order to mine it, the empire uses slaves with magical aptitudes who are resistant to the effects of magore. North, a nineteen year old slave, finds himself with the ability to bypass the magic restricting cuffs that are chained to him. After his friend Sera is injured and given only sixty days until she’s executed, he resolves to save her and everyone else in the mining camp. With this new found power, he and the other slaves work together with an unlikely ally to fight for their freedom and escape the empire that holds them captive.

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Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2023
Author: CobaltWolf

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.3/ 5.0
Followers: 87
Views: 70,089

Reviews

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Community Reviews(10)

Tom Writing QuietlyRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
This review covers the first arc (through Chapter 32) of the story after I agreed to review around 10-12 chapters' worth in a review swap. I read more of the story because it's good - better than most stories I've read here so far - and I will probably eventually read through the end at this rate. I may update this review later accordingly. Updated: See below.
North is one of the only two survivors from a village genocidally annihilated by the Arlin Empire. They left him and Sera alive because they have mage potential, which makes them useful at mining the toxic magore used to power the magitech weapons used by the Empire in its conquests. Normal people die quickly due to the toxic effects of magore. Mages are poisoned more slowly.
When bored guards beat Sera so badly that she will be crippled for life, North sets out to save her life the only way he can: By bringing the whole system down, starting with the labor camp. He's not smart. He's not charismatic. He's not well-educated. He just has a rare magical talent that isn't affected by the magic-suppressing slave cuffs used by the Empire. This story follows his rebellion.
It's a great story with interesting concepts and setting. Overall, I'd say this story is a gem in the rough - there are a few rough spots, both at the copyedit level and the substantive level. Pacing could be tweaked a bit. It does feel slow to get off the ground and moving in the first few chapters.
It takes a little bit to get moving, we spend perhaps a little too much time in the main character's head, and a good sense of the secondary characters is slow to develop in some cases. We could call this a flaw of a narrator who is introspective and introverted, generously, but I didn't have as much of a sense of, say, Elric as would be best for the impact of the story.
Paradoxically, even though it feels slow to get moving, my sense is that this first arc could be polished into a full novel with a higher word count with the same plot and core action
LazieRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
This crab is reviewing the second arc now.
This story is very well done. As North, a slave harvesting a magical mineral spends his days plotting a revolution with the various complications that entails, the tension rises and rises as one would expect of a well-written story. The characters are all well fleshed out, and when the action finally kicks off, there is a resolution that is well executed for the overall arc.
For the second arc, again, this crab is well satisfied. There are wins and losses, dramatic building up and release. This author has a plan and is seeing it through to the end.
For the third arc, this crab is starting to realize how hard it is to write reviews without spoilers. Let us all just recognize that events are now popping off left and right. Revolutionaries are bombing, plotters are plotting, and North is in way over his head. If you're looking to hop in at three to see how things are going, check out the recap chapter after chapter 60.
The magic system is interesting in itself, and there appears to be a sentience of sorts to it based on what is told in the story. There is a lot that can be expanded upon in later books, but the foundation of the system itself seems to be logical and straightforward. Mana may be an oft-used term, but it is still a unique take on magic.
There is worldbuilding, both heavy and light, throughout the first arc. For much of the arc, there are little notes at the beginnings of chapters that build on lore, on top of lore bits interspersed in dialogue and interactions between characters. All of it is an interesting exploration of how empires build their power and write their history, though some of it will only be caught by people versed in how history of all kinds is created.
The grammar is on point, with a few errors here or there that may catch your eye. I personally listened to most of the first arc using a web browser with an audio attachment, but even with a robot voice, there were very few points that stuck out to
Sidney BroomeRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
The premise of this one is really strong. The main character starts with nothing, he is a literal slave–and he needs to work his way up and rebel. It's a simple premise. If you've ever read Stormlight, this is very similar to the situation with Bridge 4, or the start of Mistborn with Kelsier.
Story: The pacing is by far the strongest part of this story. The author put a lot of work into breaking up the story into small, digestable chunks, and there is no chapter where you read and feel like nothing happened. Also, the first and last sentences are always really well done. Beware cliffhangers... (but in a good way)
Grammar: 5/5
Character: The main character is a bit dim, but the author knows it and uses it to make him likeable. Most of the side characters are quite funny too, even if some are arseholes about it.
Style: Probably the weakest aspect, you can tell the author is new to writing, but new and with a lot of potential. All the components are there–the author knows where to pack in details and where to add internal thoughts, how to write compelling dialogue, some things could just do with a little rewording and flair.
Overall, the pacing really makes this is addicting to read.
~Rusty~Royal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
How dare the author claim they're "Definitely an amateur". This is easily one of the best things I've read in the last little while.
First off, the prose is concise and clear. It's easy to follow along for a little speed reader like me. I don't even have much else to say about this because it's decent. It's wonderfully crafted. I really like the characters so far, though, the only amatuerish thing I did find was most of the characters speaking the sameish. Again, something the author may have fixed in later chapters (Im only on chapter 12!)
Grammatically it is sound. It's clear who is talking and when. The cliffhangers at the end of the chapters is amazing. The author utilizes a typically misused trope of the "One sentence line". Where I have read other books that tend to abuse this, Edge of Freedom uses this SO f***ing well! Even going so far as to write some in bold lettering. The first example is right in the prologue, with the line "Slaves"
The story pacing, though a slow burning, is very nice. I understand some people prefer a faster paced story, but wow, did I enjoy this. The slower pace is justified as we have ample time to explore the characters, as they themselves navigate their plan to revolt against their slave mining camp. I admit, it was a bit goofy how the MC, North, straight up asked "Haha hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my magore, want to revolt, maybe?" (a heavy paraphrase, purely to joke around lol).
Though it's rating is as a novice work is 'highly praised', on a more professional note, the only problem is that, while it is very decent... It's just that: decent. Nothing especially pops out persay, aside from the one-sentence lines of course. Again, this is an early review, and I plan to complete this fiction eventually! Expect my updated review then, CobaltWolf.
However, a few hiccups here and there didn't take away that it is incredibly intriguing, and I want to MORE. MORE I SAY! OH THERE'S THREE MORE ACTS TO READ!? HORRAY.
Mr Alex666Royal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
This is done as part of an honest review swap.
First off, I like stories, where the MC isn't an all-knowing someone, who can cheat the rules in five minutes and can solve every problem just with the wave of a random weapon. Where the MC isn't "smart" in an overdone way.
This story is exactly, what I like. The MC isn't the sharpest pick in the shed, he knows it and everyone knows it. Actually, most of the characters aren't rocket scientists either. Surprise, slaves, who toil about in dangerous mines mostly aren't from the well-educated upper crust. The author embraces this... lack of IQ in common slaves, and is able to write a compelling story. While the characters aren't exactly geniuses, they have a superpower an overwhelming majority lacks: common sense. So far neither of them did overly moronic things. Maybe the MC trying to heal his ladyfriend, just a few hours after someone told him, not to show his talent around could be considered borderline moronic. Thankfully, there was a less moronic someone around.
As per Ch 11 (that is actually Ch 14 of the story, I don't exactly know, why three chapters of the main story are titled "prologue" - if you want a Prologue prologue, use the half-chapter, where North is reminiscing about their village and pad it out a bit, but the current Prologue is just the first chapters of the main story. But I digress) the not-so-bright main cast is still planning their Great Escape, so there is no "Hey, let's stage a revolt out of the blue, and it will succeed because of reasons" moment. Be warned, the first 14 Chapters are quite short, so setting the ground and planning is still within parameters.
Skipping ahead to Ch 44, as per the swap request, was quite jarring. Instead of quite short chapters, Ch 44 is three to four times as long. I would recommend sticking with chapters of approximately the same length. The Emperor comes across as not the sharpest letter knife in the drawer too. I don't know if it is intentional, but he doesn't com
Writer's ScienceRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Style: 3.5
I have more detailed comments in the chapters, but theres an awful lot of unnecessary exposition. There is nothing wrong with leaning toward more expostion in a general sense because fantasy series require a lot of world building. In this case, however, expostion was used to describe emotions and feelings, that is an innappropriate use because it reduces the impact of the piece. There are also scenes that are cut off too early with references being made to them, as if they are in the piece which is jarring in the extreme. I had to go back over it once or twice to make sure I wasn't being silly. One example of this is Sara's assault with reference being made to her impending execution, the reason for this is not clear, therefore the foundation is lacking. This issue us repeated in a few places and made the reading experience a little harder for me in particular.
Grammar: 5*
This is a webnovel and there is no professional editing involved. For that reason I'll just say that there are a few niggles here and there, but nothing that would detract from the story.
Story:3.5
I touched on this in the style section, however the story sequence is off with scenes being cut off too early which means that important parts of the story are left hanging in the air only for them to hit the reader out of left field when they're mentioned off hand in the dialogue.
The idea behind the story, however, while not unique, is given a good twist with the world building, I just wish the characters interacted with the environment a bit more to give it more dimension and lend to the world building. At the moment, it reads as if the world is moving around the characters rather than the characters moving around the world. This is a lot of detail work, but it does make a huge difference.
Characters:
The characters fell a bit flat for me and the reason for that is the lack of detail work. So, the physical characteristics of the characters are described, but the their mannerisms and way of
cud-b-betterRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Okay, read up to the latest available chapter. Suffice to say, I enjoyed it.
One of the many things I like about this is that North actually has to think. It's not I'm just going to break out of this slave camp with a deus ex machina power up or something. He has to find allies, think of a plan, and set the ground work. Although, I do find that so many people agreeing to help is unrealistic in this scenario. I would have thought they would be more reluctant. When people are oppressed they may indeed think "I'm going to die anyway, so why not?" But I think the common thought would be they would just grit their teeth and do anything to survive for just a day longer and not take such a risk.
Sadly the part that I dislike is the magic lectures/training. I know they need to be there, but they were the only parts that I felt dragged on. I couldn't immerse myself in reading them and found myself wanting to get back to the escape plot.
The idea of giving snippets of the lore was a good decision. The segments are short, but informative. It also shows a great deal of thought has been put into it. I hate it when it becomes a info dump, so this approach worked well for me.
The villain of the first arc is very well written, I could feel myself hold my breath everytime he appeared. A type of character that I tend to think of as a faux gentleman. I love how he plays his mind games, and I find myself thinking "Just how much does he know?". It's a nice change from the usual stereoytpical prison/slave camp warden type character in other work, where their only defining characteristic is them being sadistic. Having said that, I am looking forward to his inevitable defeat.
So overall a good read.
visciolaccioRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
This was part of a unique sort of review swap—where both the first few chapters and a couple of the most recently published chapters were read, giving a sense of where we started, and how the story's developed over time.
Style: 4/5
Solid foundations for growth, which have been improved on as the story has unfolded.
Cliffhangers galore. Chapters don’t overstay their welcome. Even within longer chapters, page breaks cut up any slow pacing. I’ll admit I blew through the first few chapters thus far because there's nothing tedious about the story unfolding. And sticking to that readable pattern is difficult, especially for new authors.
But in the first few chapters, the structure of sentences, the rapid scene changes, the lack of detail when our characters interact with the world—all a bit stale. Clammed up and hesitant. But, in the more recent chapters, that’s been improved upon. Worldbuilding, for example, is no longer pelted at you from the chapter treetop and instead integrated within scenes.
All tell-tale signs of an author finding their voice as a story progresses—which is half the fun of serialized fiction.
Story: 4/5
Beginning a story with a slave protagonist implies they’re going to shake things up, and luckily the setup doesn’t disappoint. Ignoring critiques on characterization, the basic themes of good storytelling are there from the beginning—notably sorts of dramatic pressure for character actions. But, ironically, we’re shackled to a narrator’s limited perspective, often doubling back, reviewing plot points conveniently forgotten about or ignored, just as the protagonist might. While this fits in well with the aforementioned cliffhangers and chapter-based release format, it implies a lack of long-term outlining.
Grammar: 5/5
Solid. I could nitpick about how page breaks aren't centered, or how numbers aren't spelled out, but there's no glaring issues that rip the reader from enjoying the story itself.
Character: 4/5
Improved upon as the story grows.
While ma
DramamineRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
Reviewed as part of an agreed 20K+ review swap.
Edge of Freedom really is on the Edge of Freedom in terms of writing, at least in these early chapters. It's not quite there, and much like this story, there's a ray of light bleeding through. With just a little more work, it'll finally break its schackles, along with the cast.
Style
Truthfully, I don't have much to say here in terms of prose or general writing. It largely flows just fine with few hiccups, and most of them are related to a slightly disjointed start to a new paragraph.
My biggest complaint with the style is the sense of redundancy, though you could argue that's a grammatical issue if you view that category as linguistic too. After the first few chapters, I often would see points repeated almost ad nauseam, which is fine when emphasis needs to be placed on those particular points, but there's a few moments where something is said or done and then repeated similarly in the next paragraph. This sense of redundancy also continues in using the same word or key phrases multiple times in a paragraph, or shortly after. It seemed to have slowly started being less of an issues as I read on, but I did notice it quite often.
My other complaint is the dialogue. This part spills into the character score part too, but the dialogue feels a touch flat at times, and profanity is used liberally. There's no real issue with that, and I have no issues with the use of profanity; but I think there's a certain illusion in literature that doesn't often mesh well with the more casual use of curse words in real speech. While I realize it's a more subjective issue, the cursing just doesn't feel like it really adds emphasis or weight to the characters speech.
Grammar
Pretty good, only noticed one real spelling mistakes; it was even pointed out in the comments and yet never rectified. A few odd points with sentence structure that made me have to reread it to understand what was written, but it's small beans and only happened once or
Ava of flowersRoyal Road
★★★ 2.5
The basic premise is interesting, but the prose is clunky enough I had to dnf. Words like 'seemingly', 'almost' and 'probably' are heavily overused, and the dialogue often feels stilted and unnatural instead of feeling like something a character might naturally say. The author seems nice, so I hope this improves.