Dungeon of Undeath [Dungeon Core/Dungeon Builder]

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Dungeon Core/Dungeon Builder, LitRPG

Evelyn is a necromancer who cares deeply for her city, even if its laws would see her killed. So when she accidentally ends up in control of a new dungeon that springs up near the city, things get complicated. Unfortunately while the city desperately needs the resources a dungeon could provide, history has shown that dungeons are dangerous; the monsters that poured forth from them in the past confining the sapient races to cities even in the present day. Evelyn has a rare chance to build somewhere safe enough for the people of her city to train but will have to try to balance that against making the dungeon dangerous enough to keep herself safe. Along the way she'll gain a guide with a strange background, discover the minor gods are more active than they seem and use skeletons in interesting ways.

This is my first time sharing my writing, so please be kind in the comments and offer constructive criticism if you think you have something of benefit to add. I'm trying to improve as I go along so any feedback is really appreciated.

I came to the conclusion a while ago that even if I read astrictly worseversion of my favourite books that would still leave a lot of room for enjoyment so I'm hoping even if this isn't your favourite story there is something here for you to enjoy and it might encourage others to write more (my devious plan to get more books to read *cackles maniacally*).

I've probably taken inspiration from too many books to count and if you take a look at my follow list and reviews you'll find plenty of excellent books along similar themes but I feel I should particularly call out Dragonheart core, BTDEM and Netherworld Manor for some of the more direct pieces of inspiration.

I'm only posting this story on Royal Road &Patreonso please support it there and let me know if you see it elsewhere.

Updates every Tuesday though time of day will vary.

Information

Status: Completed
Year: 2023
Author: Strictly Worse

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.5/ 5.0
Followers: 862
Views: 370,148

Chapters(68 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(9)

ZagarothRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I know, a fun romp isn't what one usually thinks of with "undeath", but here we are. I have enjoyed blazing through the chapters tonight, and now that I am all caught up it is time for a review.
Style:
As much as I love Dungeon of Undeath, I have to acknowledge one flaw I am seeing in the writing. There is a small bit of rushed feeling to the way it is written and worded. I wish I had better editing skills in order to point out specifics. There is the occasional slight bit of disjointedness, a little bit too much jumping from one phrase to the next without keeping the transition smooth, etc. And I get it, there is a story burbling to come out, and eagerness to see your world and characters unfold into the written word, but there are times when one needs to take a deep breath, slow down, and fill out the details a little more.
I feel like I am being overly wordy for what amounts to a minor flaw, but I lack a way to describe it succinctly. In the end, it comes down to needing a bit of polish to smooth out the rough edges.
Story:
The beginning premise is fairly simple, the complications build as details surface. There are a lot of places where the characters and readers know that there are blanks in their knowledge, and those blanks get filled in bit by bit, revealing a deeper secret each time.
I like the way that the deeper story is being slowly revealed. I don't think we'll see deep philosophy here, but there is an interesting world being explored and complex webs of interactions changing the course of events.
Grammar:
The technical prose is clean, punctuation is used correctly and there are few if any typos. I haven't gone through it with the detailed attention of an editor, but nothing jumped out at me as an issue here.
Characters:
While there is strong characterization and identity in the major characters, I feel that there is more depth for the author to show us. Many of the characters could use a little more complexity and nuance. I think this is tied to the iss
RedDevil69Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
So Not to good at this but I will try.
To start the story in interesting. Both in terms of world and characters. I find that the story it self does have some pacing problems, but all in all it's not a problem. It is a bit short and I would have liked for a longer story, but at the same time I am glad we have a defined end point. A lot of books on this site just stop for one reason or the other and we never truly get a ending. As of right now the story has a end but the author did say they might come back and do more later.
Anyway if you enjoy Dungeon Master/Dungeon core books and are looking for one to read then give it a shot. It does not do anything ground breaking for the genre, But it does combine a few things nicely. Well that's about it.
tldr
Strictly Worse put in some nice work to make this story and the world and I suggest everyone give it a read.
Keeper Of GamingRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
While I am not far into it, I still very much enjoy it. The story shows a lot of promise, and the characters are very believable.
Each character is thought out, and the clear problems are also shown.
I do like how Evelyn wants to help but still does have somewhat of a dark and brutal side, humanizing her.
I hope the rest of the story is at the quality of what I've read so far, if not even better.
The Grammar is clear and easy to read while also maintaining correctness.
The Blue windows to show skills is also creative and I may actually use something similar for my story. Also, including the various options and letting the audience look at the story and slightly interact is wonderful and gives a lot more boons to this tale.
All in all I absolutely love it and hope that you keep writing more and more. You are very talented.
starkyllerRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
This story is an entertaining classic dungeon core story with a dungeon core that wants to protect it's core and adventurer / political leader that wants to reach the core, be it to destroy it for fear of dungeon or to sell it for money. After a few exposition chapters, the pacing become good and the undeath theme of the dungeon is explored in an original way. I can't wait to see what kind of shinanigans the MC will think of to stop the ever strengthening dungeon delvers.
Lordgir2112Royal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Really enjoying this book so far, I'm excited to see where it goes.
Not having the typical dungeon fairy is an interesting premise. And having the dungeon form because of necromancer screwed up is supremely satisfying.
The amount of careers and the sudden switching to different povs is a little disorienting but not bad enough to throw me off the book.
The story is excellent so far and I have no comments on it.
The amount of characters makes it difficult to remember who everyone is, but they're not one-dimensional so with a little bit of thinking it's possible, they seem decently fleshed out.
The punctuation and grammar seem very well done, whether the author edits him/her self or whether they outsource it whoever does it does it well.
This review apparently needs a lot of words and as it's my first review on this site I didn't know that, so I don't know what else much to say about this book other than you should read it, words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words okay 10 more words needed so many words thanks bye
CrystalLily1302Royal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Although there is nothing particularly innovative the author has constructed a world with characters who feel alive and a story that keeps you engaged. As of now there are some hints to more intrigue with the gods which might take the story into a more innovative directions but even without that it's still a very enjoyable read.
SkelatoxRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
So for starters, the story is fully completed. There's potential room for a sequel, but as-is it's a finished, standalone work, and it holds up as such. That alone is a rarity on this site, and a decent reason to check it out.
'Completed' tag aside, it feels appropriate to tackle the story's best and worth aspects as once, as they are heavily intertwined. The story has some absolutely fantastic characters, and while not all of them are particularly deep, they all feel deep enough that it seems like there's more yet to see. However, a big part of how the story accomplishes this is via frequently changing the viewpoint between, or sometimes during, chapters. While this helps a lot to flesh out even relatively minor characters, it comes at the cost of the pacing, and whether that's worthwhile will vary based on the reader's tastes.
Speaking of the story itself, however, it is very enjoyable. The whole book consists of two or three good arcs and, outside of the jumps in perspective, the pacing is overall quite solid. While the cliffhangers may have made it a rough experience to read as a serial, now that it's finished, it's a much smoother read.
The grammer isn't perfect, but the author takes and implements corrections quite well, so the remaining errors are mostly sparse and hard to notice. By the time you're reading this, there will probably be even fewer.
Listen, if you kept reading after the second paragraph, you know you're already invested. It'd be faster and more fun to just start reading the book, rather than keep waffling and reading reviews. So go. Shoo. Be off with ye. There are skeletons in there. Skeletons with bricks. You know that sounds weird and tempting.
LazieRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
This low level crab is intrigued by the premise of dungeon core. This story is well written and is most definitely of the "Dungeon Core" sub-genre. The premise of such stories is that a character gains control of a 'dungeon' and grows as a dungeon core and character through building the dungeon.
This story has good and understandable writing. Early on, some of the chapters may be shorter than one might expect, but the author hits a good stride starting at chapter eleven.
The main character of the story, Evelyn attempted to become a necromancer, but [minor spoilers] does not succeed. She comes across well as a character and a reader will not be very confused by her characterization.
Overall, this crab may not be a fan of "Dungeon Core" novels, but this crab thinks that these novels will be worth keeping track of for any fan of those kinds of series. Be kind when you read the beginning and know that the writing improves greatly as the author goes forward in chapters for any minor problems.
AliceThePastelWitchRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
Chapters are incredibly short, this doesn't need to be a downside but around ch 23 I was starting to feel like the following chapter could have just been a part of the previous chapter due to it them being a single page long unless the font size is like 14 or something. This is just a tiny pet peeve of mine, and I'm not actually factoring that into the review because I feel like that's way too nit-picky but I thought I should mention it regardless.
I like Evelyn and Ivy's dynamic, they are kind of opposites and have pretty good chemistry. I did however, have an issue with distinguishing who was speaking a few times throughout the chapters. Perhaps a bit more distinction in their diction would help alleviate that.
There are several grammatical errors in every chapter. They aren't anything particularly egregious but they are present in every single chapter. Checking the chapter on Word, Google Docs or another similar program or website beforehand would fix that very quickly.
Overall this is a pretty fun LitRPG Dungeon Core story. Full disclaimer at the end of a review, but I am a huge nerd about Necromancy, Dungeon Cores and LitRPGs this is straight up my alley and aligns really well with my interests.