Dual Hearts (Litrpg)

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Story About being reincarnation during a difficult time in life, where the mc finds new motivation and happiness, that will let him power through hardship, he would never have had the perseverance to fight in his old life.

This is my first try in writing and creating a Story. English is also not my first Language, so I will make mistakes. But since it is already more comfortable to read stories in English than my first Language, I will try this way and correct any mistakes I will find. I plan to rewrite my first Chapters, that are more of a “rough Draft” and try to turn them into an actual story afterwards.

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2023
Author: Lion_Heart

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.4/ 5.0
Followers: 8
Views: 2,147

Chapters(7 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(1)

BelgahrRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
First this is a great rough draft. I look forward to reading a rewrite of this story. So far it is very open ended and you could take it in any direction you want. That is what my overall score is based off of.
Now as far as the style/story, its fine as much that it exists. It skips in time with little to no info about what occurred; any major events in the characters life that may have transpired are non-existent. In short it lacks the ebb and flow I would like to see and instead presents events more as elaborated bullet points before forgetting them and moving on.
The grammar and spelling; there are numerous spelling errors, duplicate words, wrong words and sentences that just need rewritten. Please write in a word processor and spell check your work before putting it up.
The characters are empty shells you have a stereo typical good guy born into wealth. There is no conflict as of yet with family, friends or enemies. The main character follows his parent’s advice to the letter with no dreams or aspirations of his own. In short the characters feel like unthinking robots.
The good news is as I said this is a great rough draft. You just need to fill it in a bit. What does the character want to do with his new life? Things he failed to do in is old one? Any regrets that he wants to make right? How does the main character come across, is he humble or arrogant? The system currently only has combat skills and spells, what about everyday things he got experience for cleaning his room but what about skills for it?
In short I really hope you go through and fill in this story. I am sorry if this is review in anyway makes you feel bad, that is not my intention. I commend you and all the writers who have taken the time to put their work up here for all to see. It’s something I have failed to find the courage to do. I hope this review helped a little and if you want me to reread your work after any changes I would be happy to do so.
Sincerely
Belgahr