Downfall of Mevobak

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

The ancient tomb of the third ruler of Mevobak holds a treasure that Hyernan has been seeking for most of his life. Finally he has located the tomb and what he finds will affect not only him, but the entire Republic of Coriana, and beyond. Magic is real and used everywhere, but what if something threatens its very existence.

Information

Status
Hiatus
Year
2020
Author
foxtwo

Tags

FANTASYADVENTUREMAGIC

Royal Road Stats

Rating
4.0/ 5.0
Followers
3
Views
2,736

Chapters(8 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(1)

  • dacewolfRoyal Road
    ★★★★ 4.0
    Every meal or near enough, every cast of magic and every dip into the satchel is described, or at least mentioned to a different degree. This is no quick telling of a tale and I like the style. The world building is secondary at the moment to the exploring, although beginning.
    A pleasant read although some odd sentence construction kept jolting me out of the immersion (not saying my suggestions are correct or even better):
    let a sigh of annoyance out
    let out a sigh of annoyance
    soft white light faded into existence
    soft white light manifested into existence
    It wasn’t in Mevobak, instead, it was the ancient magical language of the Fulneen.
    Not Mevobak he mused, instead another ancient magical language, Fulneen and being able to comprehend a few characters, woefully insufficient to complete the translation.
    and faintly to his ears could be heard the sound of water rushing from below
    and faintly from below the sound of rushing water reached his ears
    As he called a dark shape flew out of the darkness back in the tunnel from the direction they had travelled. In the light, a dark blue dragon, about the size of a man’s head, appeared. Her eyes gleamed in the magic light as she landed on Hyernan’s shoulder.
    Responding to his call and following the path he travelled not long ago, a shadow flew out of the darkness, revealing a dark blue dragon about the size of a man’s head. Eyes gleaming in the magic light, she landed upon Hyernan’s right shoulder where extra padding resisted her scythe like talons while two enchantments countered the dragon's growing weight.
    A good technique to catch these is to read the chapter out loud or better still ask someone else to while you take notes.
    Plenty of "that" in use - re-read without the word and over half can be removed with no loss of meaning producing tighter text.
    Plenty of "was" and its friends in use. This places the reader firmly in the past and usually represents a place where the author can do better.
    One of the most famous was t