Double Tap

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

[participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]

Utopia. People all around the world thought this place was the best. It made sense. This was the district where 80% of superheroes came from, and they were usually the best of the best.For that reason, Liam had been terrified when he’d come here.

Now?

Now he knew better.

This place was insane, supers acted like they were humans, and humans acted like they wereequal.Liam couldn’t wrap his head around it, even after months of living in this damn place.

Even after the day came when he could get a superpower.

People his age were coddled and treated like children, and the adults were barely any better. It made them so weak-minded that it got to the point where they seriously thought they weren’t weapons of mass destruction…

His life had been too different before this. People kept each other close, but their guns closer. In a district where death wasn't the worst thing that could happen to your corpse, there really wasn't an alternative.

There was so little violence now, and even supers,(Supers!)got scared off if he mentioned where he’d come from. He couldn’t even carry a gun, in a place where half the damn people surrounding him werebulletproof.

...It was all just too much.

His mom had fought tooth and nail to get him here, to give him a chance to become a hero, but what kind of hero would someone like him become?

Especially now that he knew his powers were much more dangerous than he thought?

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2022
Author: KikoBear

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.5/ 5.0
Followers: 43
Views: 12,541

Chapters(19 total)

Reviews

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Community Reviews(3)

Elliot DresmrRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Lol, it's cool. I like Liam and I like that his powers are't just cloning, but they don't really seem to be his powers either. It's like a byproduct on how his power works, right? I kinda wanna see it be uncontrollable or weaker or something, since it'd be OP otherwise.
SabaothRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
(Note: 5 on my scale is "Good enough to make me leave a review, would recommend")
tl;dr Very new, looking good, try it if you like the genre.
Assuming this keeps releasing at a steady pace, I can see this turning into a pretty good story. Generally speaking, I have mostly positive things to say so far, so instead of just lavishing I'll point out the few stylistic quibbles I have since I personally find such feedback to be the most useful parts of a review:
- Swapping pronoun sets for characters makes some stuff hard to read. For example, a male character referred to as "he/him" is then later referred to with "they/them". Because we've already established that this person is a he/him, doing that trips up the reader a bit. Easily fixable with edits.
- The intro is a very, very cold open. I'm a fan of cold opens, having done one myself, but this one is exceptionally frigid for the genre. It takes a few chapters to even grasp what's going on in the setting, and that might scare some people away. This isn't a flaw so much as a disclaimer, since it's a stylistic choice.
- Sometimes the description/framing can be... I don't really know the word but I think of it as "blurry". At times it's hard to tell exactly what's in a scene and where it is until further into the scene than I would like. Fairly rare though, just a comment. Doesn't impact my enjoyment much.
Advanced score explanations:
Style (4.5/5): As outlined above. I'm factoring the description into this category since it's not a grammar or spelling issue.
Grammar (4.5/5): As outlined above. Also I saw one instance of "brung", which is not the right conjugation of "bring" (should be "brought"). However it was in speech, so it's possible that it's an intentional choice due to the character's speech pattern. Other than that it's golden.
Story (5/5): Pretty early for scoring but hey, you have my interest, and school settings are a time-honored classic that is hard to mess up. We'll see where it goes.
Character (N/A): I t
DerbRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
This is a good story, with a nice premise. The idea of being bullied in school has been done to death, but not with this strange spin on it. I could see why they'd be afraid, if someone from a gang had suddenly entered our school with tattoos and whatnot id also want as little to do with them as possible.
Even if they truly were't scary, there would be little reason to associate with them at all. The few reasons would get stomped out by the idea of reputation, and self preservation.
This story shows the loneliness all that might entail.
I do hope the characters you mentioned offhandedly get a bit more screen time, however.
I'm not talking about the Elliot character, since he seems to be a rather large part and will definitely be heard of again. I'm meaning more along the lines of the Lidia and Ezekiel child, and perhaps the unnamed glasses character (though that one might be too much to ask.) It would be nice seeing them take a more active role, even if it's just a short while.
Oh, and the grammar. I see you've fixed it somewhat but you should really let your readers help as well. Two minds and whatnot.