A man who accomplished his promise, who also failed.

A man who forgot his purpose, who also remembered.

A man who sowed, who also reaped.

This is the story about the tragedy caused by the flow of Time.

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luda305Royal Road

★★★★ 3.5

This is an interesting short story, set within a cultivation universe, about the tragedy of mortals who become immortal and lose their loved ones. As a premise, it's a good one, and one inadequately discussed in many stories on Royal Road: either the immortal is an asshole to begin with, or the scope of the story doesn't go far enough in time for it to come up, or it is simply never addressed.
That said, the execution here is a little lacking. Taking a step back, it seems clear that the author is trying to aim for a strongly ethereal feeling, with certain symmetries in the text. And in that respect, the fiction has some hallmarks of poetry.
But it needs some cleanup. Generally, there are some word choice issues and sentence structure issues that need to be addressed. And while the latter may have some leeway given the poetic nature of the piece, there is still plenty to consider. Additionally, in so much as it is more poetry than short story, the first several paragraphs need to be tweaked in order to set expectations to the reader (or perhaps that can be handled in the synopsis).
All in all though, it's a good try and I look forward to a revised draft.

RznRoyal Road

★★★ 3.0

The prose is unfortunately hampered by a lack of proper grammar and it happens repeatedly throughout the piece. It is written as if you are expected to read it aloud and very slowly. The constructions aside, we have little context and it has repeated sentence patterns almost like a poem. This needs a bit of cleaning up and a copyedit to be more enjoyable.

Mech_WizardRoyal Road

★★★ 2.5

Let's be clear on one thing; the story is not bad in and of itself. It is actually something I wished was portrayed more often in cultivation stories. It is about how a cultivator oftentimes becomes completely absorbed in their journey to immortality, and the consequences it has on those they leave behind.
In that respect, we can say this story, piece of poetry or whatever, is actually pretty original and good.
But I just can't recommend it. Why? Because it hurts to read.
It has typos. The way phrases are worded is confusing. Sentence structure is awful. And none of this is helped by the fact that the author tried to word everything like a piece of ancient, poetic wisdom.
There are people who could enjoy this, yes. But I can't recommend it to anyone who cares about the proper use of the English language. Not that I am an authority on the matter, but I think most would agree with me.

Don't Cultivate

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Community Reviews(3)