Distant Leaps to Circinus [Obsolete]

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2018

Author

Khailz

• Rewrite
  Mar 12, 2019
• Art Core
  Dec 18, 2018
• Maps
  Dec 10, 2018
• Chapter 17
  Feb 27, 2019
• [16] The start to ones courage
  Jan 1, 2019
• [A1] Holidays gone and Enemies come
  Dec 25, 2018
• [15] The morning before the beginning
  Dec 22, 2018
• [14] A meeting for another day (Pt. 3)
  Dec 15, 2018
• [13] A meeting for another day (Pt. 2)
  Dec 11, 2018
• [12] A meeting for another day (Pt. 1)
  Dec 8, 2018
• [11] Cold dreams
  Nov 28, 2018
• [10] The Town made in a Bowl of Soup [Pt. 2]
  Nov 12, 2018
• [9] The Town made in a Bowl of Soup [Pt. 1]
  Nov 10, 2018
• [8] His wish, Her Needs
  Nov 3, 2018
• [7] Wind-like movement
  Nov 1, 2018
• [6] From long night to new morning
  Oct 21, 2018
• [5] Journey to shelter (pt.3)
  Oct 19, 2018
• [4] Journey to shelter (pt.2)
  Oct 16, 2018
• [3] Journey to shelter (pt.1)
  Oct 13, 2018
• [2] Encounter with a distant star
  Oct 14, 2018

Reviews

Community Reviews(7)

• Oslur (D. M. BandiC)Royal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Distant Leaps to Circinus - As of Chapter 16 (The Start To Ones Courage)
  Overall -
  This is a great read with a very dedicated author. Not only does he give us such delicious chapters, he also commissions amazing art from his own money and composes music from his own money. If nothing else, and the entire genre is not your cup of tea, then give it a read just to show that authors who put actual time into their work deserve an audience.
  Style -
  I have no issues with this, but he does his a bit differently. He uses [...] for dialogue instead of the more commonly seen quotations "...". This might aggrivate some, but with everything else in the story, it does not detract from the read, nor is it immersion breaking.
  Grammar -
  Few grammar mistakes, and those that can be found are not immersion breaking. While I am most definitely not a Grammar Nazi, I do try to keep up with such things.
  Story/Characters -
  This is where the author really shines. Great world building in a Sifi/Fantasy-esk type of setting where the literal world explodes into smithereens, but is put back together in strips sepearted from each other. It is very unique, and even more so considering the prologue if you read it. The Characters are well done and relatable.
  I would defintely recommend this to a friend.
• DurrendalRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  First of all, regardless of the critique delivered, I'll give this story a 5 star because I don't believe in punishing mistakes or shortcomings,perceived or otherwise. A bad rating drives down the fiction's accessibility and I don't want that.
  The review is mostly for the benefit of the author and since it points out specific problems, it's in spoiler tag.
  Note: The author has adapted some changes so parts of this review are not applicable anymore.
  Spoiler: Spoiler
  Chapter 1 has a lot of things to discuss. Two main problems are: grammar and style. A less pervasive but not less important problem is of lapses of logic.
  [quote]Born into a world with only slight knowledge as to what colors there are and horrid eye sight[/quote]
  No one is born with knowledge of colours. Perception of colours,yes. Knowledge, no. As for relationships between perception and knowledge, you'd have to read up on epistemology.
  a
  [quote]Still able feel, hear, taste and touch the world around him,he uses his other senses to bring the most out of himself, as a result he doesn’t suffer because of his impairments[/quote]
  A run-on sentence. Adding clauses with commas doesn't guarantee a grammatically correct sentence. Also, there is the risk of a long sentence like this that is convoluted, and makes the reader lose interest and well as forget the start of the sentence. A mix of long and short sentences are best. Please look a little bit at using colons and semi colons are well instead of only commas.
  [quote]It’s much darker than it should be in the late afternoon. Dawn is approaching for the youth and to make matters worse he in what looks like some sort of hole with man cut stone,[/quote]
  Is it late afternoon? Is it approaching dawn? Does it feel  to the character that is is darker than late afternoon? Or is it really so? If it indeed is; for someone who is able to distinguish between light and dark very sightly...they won't be saying "much darker", but it'll be totally dark for them.
  What is a man-
• EmpiRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Great novel with a potential of becoming the outstanding one!
• A.BelRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Though initially the grammar is lackluster, the writer has definitly shown improvement, and the story is very much thankful for that.
• JPwritesRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  Khaliz writes very well and I wish I could give him 5 out of 5, I really do. However, I can't look past my bias.
  The story includes two of my pet peeves, prose in present tense and alternate speech tags. It is the reason why i deducted points as far as style goes. However,  if you're more open minded than me, and is willing to look past the two shortcomings,  you're in for a treat.
  The story's grammar is near perfect and the narration pretty engaging (besides the annoying dialogue tags). Where Khaliz shines is his world and character building. In my opinion that alone is enough to spend some time on this lovely piece of work.
• Sociable HermitRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  Have you had enough of bogstandard fantasy, with swords and goblins and fireballs? If your answer is "yes" then stay and read Distant Leaps to Circinus. If your answer is "no" then you might as well stay anyways, cause the novel is good either way. As for me, this novel was a refreshing change in the sea of samey fantasy novels. I have only read 14 chapters so far and apart from a few technical blips, I'm already loving it. You want details? I'll give you details.
  Style
  The style is for the most part solid and does its job. A few longer passages with description were a bit hard to parse at times, but that's something a bit of additional proofing could fix.
  Story
  Here is where the novel shines the most. The setting is completely unique, unlike anything I've read anywhere. It is clear the author has spent a lot of time creating the world and it really shows. Just about anything down to the very planet the characters live on bursts with imagination, yet everything gels together really well, as if it all was part of a greater idea. The plot itself has been simple so far (as of chapter 14) and is driven by the characters, though I feel there have already been hints at some sort of endgame set up between the lines, so expect epicness and expect to be surprised.
  Grammar
  Could use a bit of work. In combination with the style the mistakes compounded, which broke my rhythm in a few passages. I had to do a double take on a few individual sentences, but it's not a big problem overall and something I can look past.
  Characters
  The two lead characters are fleshed out extremely well. They have well defined, believable personalities and their actions stay consistent to their nature throughout. While the same is true for most side characters as well, there are one or two minor characters which feel like the author doesn't have a perfect grasp on them, but only a solid one... so this section barely avoids full marks.
  Ah, you're still here? Not convinced? Okay, here goes: If you like f
• georgebakerson123Royal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  tldr: this has an excellent story with good characters. My main issue is the grammatical mistakes and the style that, while not bad if you're into it, doesn't appeal to me (but don't take it the wrong way, it's a personal preference). Still would recommend reading it though.
  Style: 4/5
  Ok, this is the big one. "Why is it still a high rating despite me not liking it?" you might wonder. Well, I split the style category into two. The first is the literary style and the second is the abstract style.
  For the literary style, it's a 2.5 or 3/5 for me. It uses present tense which I personally didn't like but I'm sure others will. This is just a personal preference as I mentioned before.
  However, I must stress that you continue doing this despite my gripes. Be consistent. Don't change your ways to appease me or others who want past tense narrative. That only spells a recipe for disaster.
  As for the abstract style, this is a 5/5. What is an abstract style? Well, the use of pictures and imagery as well as giving a legend/key for some of the techniques you use is top notch. Because of this, your overall rating for style goes to 4/5.
  Story and Character: Both 4.5/5
  (I wanted to shoehorn these two categories because they're really similar and I want to do them together.)
  This is great. As others mentioned before, it is a unique world where you pay attention to details. Your creations are amazing (fire sheep still my favourite) and it is very much an immersive experience. I don't want to spoil much for potential readers and the other reviews do enough justice, so go ahead and read it to find out why people are loving the story and characters!
  Grammar: 3.5/5
  It's not terrible nor is it the best. It could definitely be better is what I'm saying. Some tense switches (if you're going to use the present tense, use them throughout. Remember "was" is the past tense of "is" which is the most common mistake). There are a few other mistakes too, but using a grammar checker would iron most o