Demens

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Nazeir, a purge soldier, returned from his long journey to the East. Knowing his desperation to find the greatest answers in his life, he strikes a deal with the magical being Lady of the Forest. Her condition: he must march north with his army to defeat a group of powerful sorcerers.

The Northern continent is far from the South by an extensive mountain range and a vast sea—home of the cruel sorcerers, sworn enemies of the southerner.

As Nazeir sets out on his quest, he forms an unlikely alliance and encounters new friends along the way. Follow his journey through the unforgivable northern lands and find out what he seeks the most.

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2022
Author: MadTheReader

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 3.8/ 5.0
Followers: 1
Views: 2,078

Chapters(7 total)

Reviews

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Community Reviews(2)

D.M. Rhodes (Razzmatazz)Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Demens, written by author MadTheReader, is a dramatic action novel following Nazier, a soldier who has returned from the east of the world. However, instead of finding peace in his days home, fate leads him to a magical being who binds him in a contract to serve her together with his men in order to destroy a band of dangerous sorcerers.
You should definitely give this one a fair shot! =)
Oliver LawsRoyal Road
★★★ 2.5
Right away there is some issue with switching tenses with this story. In the first paragraph it switches from past to present tense and this seems to be a bit of a trend that could use clearing up. There are also typos and generally poor flow throughout. A lot of the sentences mechanically go into one another and could use tidying up.
The POV jumps around quite a bit too and it can be somewhat jarring. I think this is an issue compounded by the tense switching but the narrator voice in this story could use some work and a consistent flow to it.
To use an example, these sentences from the first chapter rapidly switch from a past tense narration to a present tense one.
“The brothers who saw it were immediately amazed by the size and thickness of the book. Abim, the second oldest, can't wait to see the contents.”
These two sentences could be combined into one without being such a jarring switch that confused the narration.
The dialogue between the characters is quite well done. It rarely felt stiff and each character had a good and distinct voice/personality. At times the writing is quite descriptive, like the start of the second chapter, but at times it can be a bit lacking. The action is very well done however, having a really solid flow to it.
I think the style of the story, the world, our main character and the concept is all really powerful. I very much like the idea and the inspiration the writer is using, but right now it is all held back by the writing quite a bit.
I think the story would be much more powerful if it stuck with a first or third person past tense of Nazeir, describing his journey, as he is truly the best part of the story from what I've read. There are some really solid ideas here and I can see it being a cross of some of the best parts of Berserk and The Witcher, but right now the writing just needs cleaning up and the narrative needs focusing.