Death before the Beginning (Fantasy/Comedy/Adventure/Action/ Unusual LITRPG)

Information

Status

Hiatus

Author

Yohan T. Normie

Reviews

Community Reviews(4)

• KamayaRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  First of all I was nicely surprised reading your story. I never read LitRPG before and to be completely honest, I was quite worried, but this story really surprised me and maybe broke some ideas that I had about this genre.
  First of all I really liked the set-up, even though the dungeons themselves may need a little bit more of descriptions, I immediately got the "vibe" of the place, and the general atmosphere. I also quite appreciated the balance between the dark aura of your story and the humour - I saw that you were worried it was "too much" but honestly, it seems like a perfect balance for me. I also liked the way you integrated some "video games elements", in your place I would have been worried it would be weird to cut to a "screen" in the middle of a chapter, but not at all ! If I can just give some piece of advice about that : It would be great to do something that kind of highlights the changes in the Fallen's stats, maybe that's just me but I didn't immediately noticed what changed - it's a bit specific and not that big of a deal, but I think it'd look better if there was some kind of arrow, or color changes to show what line changed since the last time, especially if you're going to bring this up often.
  Now, that's just my personal opinion and of course I'm only at the very beginning, but I thought your story lacked a bit of psychological descriptions. I would have loved to stop for a moment on the "void", or the feeling of madness and the Fallen's fear of losing his mind - although I emphasize on the fact that it's only my personal opinion, I know that this is a thing that I really look forward to and expect from things I read, so maybe I'm the only one who was bothered by it.
  I also noticed a few grammar error (though, there were very little of them), most of the time some missing punctuation, but also repetitions (like two "and" in the same sentence).
  Other than that, I really don't have anything "bad" to say about your story, I think it's really inter
• WaurpelRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  STYLE:
  The text is well written for the most part. Some awkward sentences here and there, an over reliance on similes and metaphors for descriptions in early chapter, and some iffy transitions between characters point of view could be improved upon, but it's a solid base for telling its story and no information is lost.
  STORY:
  When first starting the story, I admit I was a bit unsure what to expect. Being a LITRPG with Darksoul influence, I was expecting the story to be a lonely journey in a land filled with monsters tougher than the next, but I'm glad I was wrong. Without going into details. The character takes life and encounters others to both contrast and challenge him. You can look forward to a story with many characters and a deep lore.
  GRAMMAR:
  Grammar is a bit weak at times. Some of the sentence structures could be improved. BUT having seen previous versions of the same chapters, I can say with confidence that the grammar has improved by leaps and bounds and I can only encourage that.
  CHARACTER:
  The characters all have different personalities and understandable quirks. They are a result of their background and personal stories. They build unto their quirks and feel like ever evolving characters with logical yet flawed emotions.
  OVERALL:
  The story starts a bit weaker on the side, but it quickly picks up steam. It's also an understandably necessary evil in order to introduce the world systems. The writing is only improving with time and the characters are lovely and intersting.
  Overall, a great piece of work so far! I look forward to see where the Fallen goes from here on out!
• HyperAlphaKingRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  Style: The style of the story is unique. I personally like the humour of this story, like when the MC is making a funny prayer to the system altar, but on the other hand, I dislike litRPG systems that are not completely neutral. However, that is a personal preference. The story feels grim and dark, but in the "everything is horrible" was, more so it's just the aesthetic, which I enjoy.
  Grammar: There is some funkiness with the grammar and sentences which can make you do a double-take. Nothing illegible though, I would recommend the author to give it a re-read to use a spell checker like Grammarly.
  Story: There is a lot of unexplained things in the story, such as "why does MC reincarnate", "why was he brought here", "who are the other fallen", which are not answered immediately, and thus further promote the sense of gloomy foreboding and intrigue which I enjoy.
  Characters: For the characters, MC is currently a sort of blank slate, who will slowly become coloured by his experiences. But he is determined to survive which I like, I also like how he went slightly insane and started mimicking the laughter of other skeletons. This sort of stuff makes the MC's progress more interesting to observe. I also like the character of the merchant Roan, as I generally like sleazy merchant characters. But not all characters are perfect, the character of Lena, a general who spent most of her time fighting undead monsters (whom the MC resembles), seems to quickly develop a liking to MC, which doesn't really make sense.
  Overall, I enjoyed the atmosphere of this story, I am interested in seeing how MC will develop and grow, and some grammar improvements and character touch-ups could greatly improve this story. I am looking forward to this story's development.
• Nathan PierceRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  This is a good dark fantasy LitRPG novel.  The tone is dark but humorous at times which makes it a fast read. I'm a big fan of the bleak atmosphere as it reminds me a lot of Dark Souls.  The grammar could really use some work, unfortunately.  There are quite a few words that are not spelled the way that they are used.   Often the sentences are a bit disjointed.  If the author just did a thourough reread and edit, it would flow much better.  The story itself is entertaining and fun.  I do like the MC is tenacious but not overpowered.  Overall, great job!