Dawnsong

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Dawn, a country girl, wants to follow her dreams of being a wise woman instead of a wife and mother. But according to tradition she has no choice but to take the path decided by her parents. Appalled when her parents try to arrange a future for her that collides with everything she ever wanted in her life, Dawn decides to act. Taking a leap into the unknown she makes hard decisions, follows an unconventional path and gives up everything she knows for an uncertain future.

On her way she finds true friends and sinister enemies.

[participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2021
Author: Afrita Hanim

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.3/ 5.0
Followers: 252
Views: 166,138

Chapters(93 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(5)

KombartRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Since my last review we got a 14 more chapters, so I thought that it would be good to update this one (I will leave the old one at the bottom tho).
A quick Tldr: Its a good story; there is a system but the chapters are not 30% system messages and status windows; the pacing is good, there is definitely progress but at the same time not too fast as well;
I recommend giving the story a try.
Now to the review:
So far the story is a great read. The writing flows nicely and there are no big grammatical mistakes that would make me stop reading (not a native speaker tho, so take my observation here with a grain of salt).
For my personal taste, there are probably a bit too many thoughts of the mc written out, which sometimes breaks the immersion for me, but that is just personal preference.
The pacing is quite good as well, so far it doesn't feel like the story is stagnant, even tho it is on the slower side.
The system is also not overbearing (meaning that you don't have system messages every other sentence).
The mc is not op in any way and definitely has (or needs) some plot armor to survive the dangerous situations she finds herself in. Personally, plot armor doesn´t bother me too much in a fantasy setting, but it is there.
(Also, her not being op is just a guess...so far we don't have a lot of references)
The mc is a bit childish/naive, wilful, and very inexperienced but after the chapters so far also had her learning moments, some character development, and she became a bit more mature.
Her actions in the story so far feel believable, given her character.
I have to say tho, that I don't really like (or dislike) the other characters. They feel a bit bland atm and give little opportunity for intelligent interactions or conversations. BUT we are still only a few chapters in (and even fewer since we met her new companions) so it´s probably unfair to judge them right now.
So, is this story perfect? No, but above average for this site and definitely recommendable for anyone th
deus vultRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
for any of you who are thinking of reading the story. it's not that bad. it starts as a realistic depiction of a society with values similar to what you've seen in viking mythology. or is it german? I'm not sure. you have gods like the allfather and hunters that sound like 'sweedish~ pagans~ marching ashore!'(I like that song).
as for the story itself. it's... strange, and much unlike the settings. the mc is an optimistic little girl who makes friends and makes it all "all right" she's pretty naive and stupid (I mean it with the best intentions, but she did do some stupid shit), but for now luck has got her far enough for her to survive. maybe this contrast is what drew people out, made them give a negative review. It's not really a dark fantasy, so don't go in expecting that.
the background doesn't match the plot, which makes it kinda strange. especially for some people.
so where did the story come from if it's so strange? obviously 'beneath the dragon eye moons'. you know what you're expecting if I say it drew inspiration from that, despite having a more realistic society.
there are too many similarities not to take notice. 'a friendly chaotic healer that does dumb things from time to time, starts off in a sexists backwards society with levels, runs away from home and joins the rangers' is way too similar. even her name 'dawn' is like 'sentinal dawn' which is elaine's title. the heroine of that story. the characters are similar but they're not EXACT so, there's that. but author clearly drew inspiration from the story. probably liked it so much that they decided to write it in a more realistic setting. so that's what's so strange, since btdem is very much 'high fantasy', by that I mean you have to be high to believe any of it is true. or, realistic, I mean. since this is a story and all. by comparison this is a bit dark/realistic in terms of drama/worldview/settings. which brings out the strange contrast. just wanted to point it out to you all.
overrall, I liked it
luda305Royal Road
★★★★ 3.5
The story is fairly well written. The world building is deep. The society is richly complex. The characters and their actions believable (though sometimes infuriating). The plot initially is well-trod, but well-executed.
Then there's a major tonal shift (somewhere around chapters 8-10) and we have some problems appear.
The first part strikes me as well written at a very high level. It's a coming of age story in a strongly patriarchal rural society. But even though it's a coming of age story, the first portion feels as though it's written for adults, not teenagers or children.
The second part has a very different tone. In some respects, it reminds me a lot of Alice in Wonderland: bumbling from danger to incomprehensible danger, and getting out of the danger for little reason other than that the protagonist simply can't be killed lest the story end prematurely. There's a little Disney princess-ish bit as well in so much as the protagonist both (a) instantly befriends a dangerous mountain lynx and one of the plucky non-human locals, and (b) tries to fulfill a classic heroic role (impossible tasks with insurmountable odds) even though she doesn't tick any of those boxes and all she wants to do is live in the wilderness and train to be a wise woman. This new tone, besides being rather inconsistent with the first part, seems to lessen the story, which now strikes me as fairly childish (notwithstanding the viscera and leering bandits).
So, a strong start, but all in all, fairly mediocre.
That said, I do feel obliged to rebut some of the other reviews written of the story. Incidentally, this also helps me discuss some of the more interesting aspects of the story.
I think it's a misrepresentation (possibly even a gross misrepresentation) of the first several chapters to describe the protagonist as an "irresponsible, selfish, and naive girl who doesn't understand the world and wants everything for nothing. When her parents arrange for her future, after she's shown aga
LionessLoverRoyal Road
★★★ 2.5
The beginning was fine, but by now the burden on this young teenage brand-new path (class) girl is waayyyy too big. I have no doubt she will solve the impossible quest - and that by itself is worrysome for the story, because the only way to do so is with the god-powers of the author backing her. Anything else is simply not plausible, given the story.
I'm also not a particularly fan of her going back to the impossible enemies in a closed area to rescue people that abducted her. The reason "but the employees are not at fault" does not make sense - first, it does not change that she has no chance (except of course the mentioned author-powers carrying her), but second, those soldiers are not slaves and chose their employment.
Overall, I'll keep reading for now, but my face shows some grimaces from time to time. There's a bit much forced-plot driven story here. The plot does not feel natural to me. It's not too bad though, there are stories where it's so bad I can't continue. Here, sometimes later chapters even acknowledge and somewhat smoothen over the forced plot points retroactively.
For example, when she fled the village and chose a location within a few hours of the village that was so obviously way too close it was uncomfortable reading it. The hunters of that village would defintiely know that location and find her easily. This is acknowledge a few chapters later when exactly this happens and she realizes her plans for remaining that close were silly Similar things happen later too.
It began with the lynx, that was the first "this does not happen" event (her class as excuse is not a very good one, it would have to very greatly change the brain of the animal to change its behavior away from what is natural to a ridiculous degree).
Why would she sell those advanced alchemy books? Even if she can't use them now, given the world context she will never again have a chance to see their contents - and she chose "alchemy" as one of her skills. This is so obviously shootin
OldDrakeRoyal Road
★★ 2.0
The story is well written, well paced, and technically well done. The plot however...
The MC is an irresponsible, selfish, and naive girl who doesn't understand the world and wants everything for nothing. When her parents arrange for her future, after she's shown again and again that she is too immature to make her own way, she flips out and runs away.
What follows are a number of life and death situations and things miraculously working out. Add a deus ex machina pet and great secrets hidden in civilized areas for centuries...
Plot armored Marry Sue in other words.
It might even work, if the MC was more likable. But IIRC her first action was abandoning her babysitting job to just walk through the forest with not a single thought to the children she was supposed to watch or the problems she caused others by not doing her job. Or the costs she caused her family by ripping her dress during her journey in the forest.
The story does make a point of how the child considers her punishment for that unfair and her father uncaring, so there is certainly room for character growth.
Her growth as person might even work, if not for the deus ex machina and things just happening in her favor.
Catch 22. Either element on its own could be part of a good story, but together it just doesn't work. At least for me.