Coven Desires: Online; Upload [GameLit/LitRPG Harem]

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Coven Online was everything Kyle dreamed of - a gateway to a virtual realm where all his desires and fantasies could come true... but not everything was as it seemed.

The NPCs seem a littletoolifelike, for one thing. Fearing a plot to shut them down, a gorgeous NPC enlists Kyle in a quest to create a bridge between her game reality and his own.

Instead, he finds himself trapped in Coven Online's medieval world, and if he wants to survive, he'll have to adapt quickly to his new quest-filled, stat-driven existence.

[Weekly chapters on Fridays at 7PM EST]

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2023
Author: JTAcker

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 3.0/ 5.0
Followers: 475
Views: 47,859

Chapters(15 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(10)

KazVelvetoRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
First of all, I have to applaud the prose. Unlike so many stories on RR, the author goes to great effort to immerse you with lush language. It made the world so much easier to imagine, and far more vivid in my mind.
Kyle and his buddy Jake are just regular college-age dudes (except Jake is very rich). Their journey into the VRMMO is totally grounded, and I never questioned that I was reading about someone playing a videogame. This story spares no details when it comes to its system, giving you tons and tons of descriptors about weapons and abilities. It might not be for everyone, but I loved this aspect of it.
The story is also off to a promising start. I loved the appearance of the Coven, and was both surprised and tantalized by their intentions for Kyle. I am curious to see how Kyle will build his character based on the challenges ahead of him. I am also curious to see if Kyle's experiences in the VR world can turn him into a badass IRL, too. That seemed to be the character direction the author was hinting at, which I think is really cool.
Overall, I think this story is off to an awesome start!
OldGuyRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Overall Score: 5.0
This story is an exceptional and captivating journey into a magical world. It consistently engages the reader with a well-crafted plot, vivid writing style, and strong character development. The introduction of elemental magic and the exploration of Intimate Arcana create a sense of wonder and anticipation that keeps the reader fully invested. With its immersive storytelling, this narrative deserves a perfect score.
Style Score: 4.5
The author's writing style is evocative and vivid, creating a rich and immersive world for the reader. The use of descriptive language and literary devices enhances the storytelling experience, making it a pleasure to read.
Story Score: 4.5
The plot development and pacing have been well-crafted. The introduction of elemental magic, Kyle's training, and his exploration of Intimate Arcana create a sense of progression and anticipation. The story keeps the reader invested in Kyle's journey and the mysteries of the magical world he's entering.
Grammar Score: 4
The technical aspects of the writing, including spelling, grammar, and punctuation, are generally sound. However, there are occasional minor issues that could benefit from closer proofreading to ensure a flawless reading experience.
Character Score: 4
The characters in the story, especially Kyle, are well-developed and relatable. Kyle's growth as a mage and his determination to explore Intimate Arcana make him a compelling protagonist. The interactions with Elara and other characters add depth to the narrative, although further exploration of some side characters could enhance the story.
Overall, this story is a captivating journey into a magical world, with strong writing and character development. With some minor grammar improvements and further exploration of side characters, it has the potential to become an even more immersive and enchanting tale.
A.N. TainterRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Just spent the last hour and a half catching up on Coven of Desires, a VR based LitRPG set in the game Coven Online. It’s essentially if Sword Art Online was Harem. The explanation and set-up for the VR is pretty thorough, which I appreciate. So far, it seems like this story will mostly be set in Coven online, but the last chapter I read did give some interesting hints at what is coming.
The writing is really well done, if a bit adjective and adverb heavy for my liking. The grammar is pretty much impeccable. The chapters have clearly been through a couple of drafts of edits.
The dialogue reads very authentic and lacks the awkwardness that you sometimes see with new authors. If I could give dialogue a rating, it would be five stars.
The LitRPG elements are well thought out. If you like your LitRPGs with lots of cool skills, then this is the story for you. Kyle, the main character, is a mage build and there are a lot of interesting spells presented here.
The only critique I have of this story is I feel like the main character, Kyle, could be more developed. I’d like to be able to peek into his mind more and know what he’s thinking. As I’m reviewing this at chapter 16, I’m sure the character will continue to grow.
ThatWriterGuyRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Disclaimer: This is a review swap. I normally wouldn't read stories like this so I don't fully know how to critique it.
Style: This story is a LitRPG that takes place in an in-universe video game. Unlike several LitRPGs, I don't see two hundred blue boxes with different choices and several number crunchy elements. To be honest, it's kind of refreshing to have a LitRPG story that can act like a story rather than a min-max guide.
Story: Long story short, teenager wants to get laid so enters VR to do just that. The story entirely revolves around the concept of the protagonist, Kyle, building up a harem of sexy ladies to make love with. Lovemaking (as stated before, I'm not very comfortable with this material so I'm using a euphemism) is an important part of the magic system in the world. More lovemaking means stronger magic. There's a lovemaking scene five chapters in, less than 10k words. So if you want to read such a story, here it is.
Grammar: Nothing to complain about. The grammar is great.
Character: Kyle is very much a teenage boy with raging hormones. That's pretty much his sole personality trait early on. I haven't reached a point where he has more of a personality. He's probably meant to be a self-insert, but since I'm not too interested in the story's idea, it doesn't click with me.
Overall: This isn't my cup of tea. However, if you want a harem to gets straight to the lovemaking scenes and cuts unnecessary fluff, this story is for you. I just feel like the plot and characters could use some work.
Solus-SolaceRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Style: This is an interesting style of LitRPG in which the game mechanic aspects of the narrative take more of a backseat for the action to let itself shine. Seeing [-5HP] ten times in a chapter because of a sword strike gets kind of old, but here, we only see the necessary "crunch" of the mechanics, which lets the story and action play a bigger role.
Story: The story wastes no time in getting the plots going. I would describe this story as very efficient, since we don't get any needless exposition or filler when the character is in between major points. While these things can sometimes be a bonus, in this story, the big stuff is where everything is. It feels a lot like a real VR experience, since as a player, you would obviously want to jump right to the exciting bits.
Grammar: No major issues. However, the prose could benefit from some varied syntax and sentence flow.
Character: I didn't really connect with the MC all that much, but watching him move through the virtual game world still provided me with some investment in seeing him succeed. His friend feels a bit more developed, but he feels more like a tutor than a major character in the overall story.
Also, the [Skill Unlocked: Ejaculate] line made me laugh out loud.
Crusader ExodusRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
This review was written as part of a review swap agreement.
Coven Desires: Online is a very straightforward read and is well-situated within the somewhat controversial harem subgenre of gamelit. I've given the story five stars for style, because there's a few things that JTAcker is doing differently here that I thought was rather interesting. The characters having to enter a cryosleep device to access the game's virtual world poses some interesting possible implications for the protagonist. Could time travel (via stasis) be included? Do people know where he's gone, or will he be presumed missing? There is a lot of potential storytelling opportunities here if the author chooses to go with storytelling on two fronts: virtual world and real world.
I deducted one point from grammar because there's some purple prose in places. Adjective use can be trimmed in a number of places, but it really boils down to writing style and reader preference. Some people love purple prose, some hate it. It's present here, so just be aware.
Stylistically, I've rated the story at 3.5/5 stars due to some oddness in dialogue and overall repetition between paragraphs. I am not sure if the author is intentionally having NPC characters in the game world parrot back dialogue as a deliberate thing to demonstrate the uncanny valley of being in a game world and interacting with scripted NPC's, or if it's due to something else.
Characters in the opening chapters seem a bit two-dimensional, but to be completely fair, gamelit/litrpg genre characters tend to be pretty 2D to start with and build their depth over time. I haven't read far enough to see if Jake and Kyle gain more substance over time, but having some more motivations, and motivations of different sorts (beyond waifu collecting!) would be a great addition to the story.
Overall, I give it a 4.0/5.0 score. There's a good framework present here, it could benefit from perhaps a beta reader or two to give the author some opinion diversity but over
scarstoboneRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
Edit:
Well, about 20 chapters later and I decided to give this one another shot. A fair amount of my complaints from my original review have been either addressed,modified, or in some cases become a form of lampshade hanging that actually helped drive the story. I've left the original review below just for the sake of honesty, but take that with a grain of salt, as far as the story in it's current form.
Well, It's excellent for the genre. Not perfect, some chapters have a way of still making the main character seem like a bit of a lucky chosen one who can almost magically impact women in a way most men wish they could, but that's a minor complaint that I could in theory levy against many genres. The actual LitRPG elements clearly have been reworked to be more like an actual game, though the common trope of the game AI awakening and being more human can be divisive especially with how often it shows up in LitRPGs about games.
All in all, give this one a read up to chapter 17, you'll know by that point if the game world, characters, the sexual content or just the general premise are enough to keep you hooked. The author seems willing to put the time and effort into improving it, maybe by chapter 100 or the finale of the story things will change, but until then, give it a shot, worst that can happen is you realize it's not for you.
Original:
If we had virtual reality pods, and I wanted to read about a young man who somehow lucked into a hentai game beta where he is one day going to be a harem god as the developers start writing quest lines just to mess with him, this story seems like it would be pretty close to that. That could be a positive for you, or you could be hoping for self insert hentai games yourself and if so, read this story. Otherwise, maybe give it a pass for a week or two, see if there are some new reviews and maybe read it then, as the author seems to really be motivated to releasing edited chapters.
Longer Review:
This is a story I would've loved as a
David GilesRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
This review is part of a review swap.
Frankly Coven Desires leaves me in two minds, it's written quite well and would normally be something I want to read, except for the smut and what I can only describe as sections of general horniness which read as a teenager's idea of how such things work rather than anything real.
Grammar:
The easy one. The grammar is great, vocabulary superb. The LitRPG elements are well formatted. No notes.
Style:
The style is more reminiscent of a fantasy epic than a VR rpg, but I quite like it. The phrasing is florid and flowery, bordering on poetic, with my major complaint being that it doesn't do enough to earn the dramatic moments it tries to force upon the reader.
Story
As is typical of smuttier stories, the story is easily the weakest aspect. There isn't much of it for starters, and not because of an overwhelming amount of smut but because the story is told at a snail's pace. At one point Kyle gets access to four starter level spells, these are then learned at a pace of one per chapter (one after another, so four chapters of really basic spell tutorial) and the chapters aren't absurdly small either, leading to a very piecemeal approach.
Character:
Again there really isn't much here. At eight chapters in there's only two characters who we've really learned anything about and what we've learned so far is that one of them is dumb and horny while the other one is smart and played the game before. That's pretty much it.
Sarkahn A.MRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
Overall, the story is pretty good. The start is not gripping, but was designed to ease the reader into the setting before taking off and I can respect that. The obvious strength comes from the characters and base directional flow of thr story off the back of character involvement. The early plot development sequence seems simple but this is the good kind of simple to connect to the reader and have them engage with the "What happens next factor". Stylistically, not quite my cup of tea, but I find it necessary and refreshing to break out of my own genre of choice every so often.
Polyist's ApostleRoyal Road
★★★ 3.0
Ok, so the author asked us who were reading this to give it til chapter 15 to judge the story so I did, and to be honest...
I tried... I tried to like it and take it at face value, I tried to get past the issues I had with the way it was written and such but I can't. This reads like, a first-time writer trying to fill word counts. The constant reuse of the same damned phrasing at the beginning of every paragraph, the lack of actual description when speaking of events, the constant camera shifts for the same 30 seconds being written about like hours have gone on... eventually, I couldn't force myself to read anymore.
There has to be some improvement soon, in terms of writing style, or this story will read like a badly translated Xianxia quickly.
The premise has a lot of potential and the story outline seems cool, but good lord does the author need some editing help? At the end of the day, this review is meant to be constructive criticism of the author, not a knock on the story itself so do with it what you will.