Commander Z and the Game Fellows [Isekai GameLit Comedy]

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Disgraced video game streamer Commander Zideo moved back home after losing everything. But he didn't count on getting sucked through his computer monitor into a digital world where ALL video games coexist—barely.

The refugees of the digital apocalypse are hanging by a thread in the last free city, Ludopolis. In order to save the city from a coalition of video game bosses in return for passage home, Commander Zideo must take on every genre of game he has bested in his former physical life... beginning with platformers. Also, it's narrated by his dog, Cormac McBarky.

Commander Z and the Game Fellowsis a gamelit comedy that may or may not be inspired bycertain video game cartoons from the late 1980s.

What to expect:

✅ Systems... but they're all broken! (You'll see why...)✅ Gradual Progression (in the form of power-ups, new abilities, items)✅ Worldbuilding & a carefully craftedalternate history of video games✅ Puns so good/bad, you will cramp up

What not to expect:

❌ Crunchy numbers❌ Stat sheets / Blue boxes

Other info:

📆Updates: I've caught up to my backlog here and will update new chapters when I have them!

👾 Come chat on theDiscord!

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2023
Author: William Flattener

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.2/ 5.0
Followers: 77
Views: 25,384

Chapters(67 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(9)

Pianos In The Evening SunRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
When I was younger, I watched Captain N, the Game Master on YouTube (say like 2013 maybe) and it featured some poorly depicted classic video game characters (Mega Man and Kid Icarus were the biggest culprits) and a narcissistic kid from the outside world who they worshipped. Kevin was always right and even when Simon Belmonte (depicted as a mountain climber for some bizarre reason) had some good points about what they should do, he was always treated as a strawman and Captain N the game Master was right.
Fast forward to 2023, and William Flattener publishes a clever parody of this very misguided series on Royal Road. From what I've read so far, it really captures the feel of Kevin and his adventures in video game land, but modernized and turned on its head.
For one, even though the story is told from the POV of someone who worships the not so sensitive Commander Zideo...it's his dog. A cute and innocent being that is very easy to get along with as long as you feed him and take care of him. It goes without saying it's much easier to get a regular dog to like you than a person. Also, the character in the opening chapter is hilarious, giving a Monty Python like take on Bosshood before...well I'll let you read that part.
So far, the isekai setting mirrors the kind of Captain N type adventure. Zideo is sucked through his TV into a fantasy game where people speak in archaically. Zideo is of course confused about this as he should be.
Stylistically, this story is witty and parodying something that deserves to be parodied. Nintendo really didnt have a good track record with video game shows and Captain N proves why they've avoided it up until this Mario movie now. Flattener doesn't let them forget their crimes against Mega Man, Icarus and Belmonte with this story and I can't wait to read more.
Lucian T. EinarRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
**Overall:**
"Commander Z and the Game Fellows" is a comedic rollercoaster that brings a fresh perspective to the Isekai GameLit genre. With the narrative narrated by Commander Zideo's loyal dog, Cormac McBarky, the story promises a unique blend of humor, adventure, and gaming antics. While it has room for improvement, the foundation is set for an entertaining and offbeat journey.
**Style:**
The narrative style, as seen through Cormac's eyes, adds a quirky touch to the story. The dog's unique perspective, though occasionally repetitive, provides insights into how a canine perceives the world. The humor may not resonate with everyone, but Cormac's well-written commentary offers a distinctive and engaging experience.
**Story:**
The story kicks off with Commander Zideo navigating a digital world filled with video game references and challenges. While the initial chapters focus on setting the stage, the overarching plot is still unfolding. The narrative leans on the comedic adventure genre, with potential for exciting developments as the story progresses.
**Grammar:**
The author demonstrates commendable attention to grammar, ensuring a smooth and immersive reading experience. Few noticeable errors do not significantly hinder readability, showcasing the author's dedication to quality.
**Character:**
Cormac steals the spotlight as a lovable and verbose narrator, providing a fresh angle to the tale. However, character development, particularly for Commander Zideo, is an area that could benefit from further exploration. As the story evolves, the potential for well-rounded characters becomes apparent, adding depth to the comedic adventure.
In conclusion, "Commander Z and the Game Fellows" promises an entertaining escape into the world of gaming and comedy. With a unique narrative approach and a foundation of well-crafted humor, the story holds potential for further growth and an enjoyable reading experience for fans of the genre.
MountainSkaldRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Overall
Cormac McBarky – hah! This is a really fun and engaging adventure story told from the point of view of the hero’s dog. This unusual narrative choice works extremely well, and provides plenty of scope for humor. I really enjoyed reading through these chapters, and the narration adds not only entertainment, but also the perspective of the outsider, who doesn’t know everything the hero knows.
Style
Extremely well written. The prose flows smoothly, and the dog provides an endlessly informative stream that is occasionally interrupted by his glowing adoration of his human. Very fun and realistic.
My only criticism here is that the dog’s voice is sometimes inconsistent. He is usually very verbose, articulate, and intelligent. It works well to give his character some depth, but sometimes he doesn’t know what basic things (e.g. a knife) are, whilst knowing obscure words and concepts.
Story
The story starts out fun and engaging. The hero lands in the middle of a video game world, literally crushing the dreams of an extremely self absorbed (and very entertaining) villain. I felt that was unfortunate choice, because I would have liked to have seen more of Francillo.
A lot of information was shared about the state of his empire and his ambitions, and it feels unnecessary in hindsight, because now that he’s gone it’s not clear how the hero is going to be involved. Instead, Zideo is running from an assortment of goons and getting into unrelated scrapes. I’m not really sure where the story is going next. Perhaps the empire will become relevant again later, but I felt that Francillo was something of the star of the bad guy show.
Grammar
Excellent – no issues.
Character
Cormac is a great narrator, and his perspective as a dog is really fun and engaging. Zideo doesn’t seem to have been that well developed yet—all I know is that he’s a streamer.
LleayaaRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
This story starts off well and definitely shows that the author has put a lot of thought and care.
Style
Honestly, when I first started the novel I was really expecting a burst of comedy to make me laugh off my chair… But, the jokes become rather repetitive and thus becoming dry. Aside from the comedic side the authors style is clean.
Story
Kind of ties into the character section. I think the author falls victim to putting too much focus on only one character. The MC seems to be lacking a start of character development but that may change in later chapters. I found the story itself to be nice and refreshing even if it dwells in the isekai genre. Some parts feel a little slow paced at times but that could just be a stylistic choice.
Grammar
The author has clearly put a lot of editing work into the novel. Finding any significant errors that would hinder the story and break immersion was very difficult. Good job on that.
Character
The same issues as stated in story, the overall focus is directed towards other characters rather than the main pov.
Overall
Overall a solid but rough book, I think that in time this book can become amazing.
Veriana RoseRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
In general, this story has an interesting concept. It has a few references to video games and is entertaining. It’s a good kind of silly, for lack of a better summary; if you’re looking for something serious, you might want to look for something else.
Style: It’s written in first person. Chapters 1 onward is in Cormac (a dog’s) perspective; it provides an interesting narrative for (what I assume will be) the bulk of the story, including things like comparing certain sounds to dog toys and such.
Story: The first chapter (stylized as Chapter 0) sets the tone—nonserious, with a video game-like background. It follows Commander Zideo and his dog Cormac, but I haven’t gotten a good idea in-story about their goal. However, the premise has promise. (Since I only read five chapters, it’s entirely possible that the main conflict is introduced later—and there’s nothing wrong with a delayed start!)
Grammar: I only saw two or three grammar/punctuation errors, and none of them were distracting.
Characters: Overall, I will say that the characters were definitely written to be entertaining, from the narrator of Chapter 0 to how Cormac tells the story afterwards. However, there aren’t much defining traits for the other two characters shown so far. I understand that this is a limitation of Cormac’s perspective, so I won’t mark off too much for it.
storytopia07Royal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Isekia is pretty much become a genre in and itself, so when attempting something in that vain, one must try and do something out of the box to make an impression. In that aspect, the story manages to grab you by its interesting and fun take on the genre.
Grammar: A few grammatical errors here and there but nothing that affected readablity.
Story: It is much more slow paced than I expected it to be, but I suspect that is only at the beginning. The prologue felt a little too much like an info dump, which I personally am not a fan of. But I suppose the unique POV forced that on the author to get the reader's attention.
Characters: There are only three characters so far and of them two are remarkably fun. The main character does suffer slightly for the different narration style, but hopefully it is balanced out as the story goes on.
Style: Full marks for style! It is a bit weird and it took me sometime to adapt to, but all out comedic approach to the narration and writing style somehow worked for me. If you are struggling to adjust, I highly suggest you give at least 3 - 4 chapters before deciding, cause it is worth it.
TheGreatGazpachoRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Review Swap at Chapter 4
Style: I will say, off the bat, I didn't get much out of this story in a comedic sense. The ways Cormac describes things and tries to convey dog-centric concepts to the audience are interesting enough at first, but as they seem to be used repetitively for humor, I sort of lose interest. But humor is subjective, and I will not harshly judge this simply because our sense of humor doesn't align.
Now, don't get me wrong, Cormac's commentary is very well-written and provides a good description. It makes the reader better understand how a dog would come to understand the world around them. Solid work there.
Grammar: This story has been well-written enough that I can't find that many instances of grammatical errors that would require examination.
Character & Story: My largest piece of criticism for the narrative as a whole is that, despite the POV being fixated on Cormac, the character that seems to be moving the plot along is Zideo — and we know next to nothing about them. Much of what we know about Zideo really comes from the story's About Page, which says he's a disgraced video game streamer who moved home after losing everything, instead of from the narrative itself. I also feel Cormac is a little underdeveloped as a character; despite being verbose in his descriptions, he still acts like and is seen by the other characters as just a regular dog.
ThatWriterGuyRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Overall: I'd say this story is a unique one. Not only is the perspective not from the main character, it's from the main character's dog. If nothing else, I'd say it was interesting to read.
Style: 4/5. Like I said earlier, this story is told from the dog's, Cormac's, perspective. Being a dog, it leads to odd tangents about minor things while constantly pointing out how dogs think differently than humans. It's not the most intriguing style, but it gives insight into how a dog would think.
Story: 4/5.There was a cartoon from 1989 that lasted until 1991 called Captain N: The Game Master. This story is a reference to that cartoon. A gamer gets sucked into the videogame universe and must save them. However, where this story is different is that it focuses on the dog instead. At where I'm at, the main thing seems to be some kind of adventure, yet there's not much the audience knows. We follow the dog, which currently means slow-paced chapters as he explains a lot to the reader.
Grammar: 5/5. Other than using "many" instead of "man" in one chapter, I don't notice too many grammatical errors. And the typo I pointed out will probably be fixed by the time you read this.
Character: 4.5. Honestly, there's only one character you get a good insight into. And that character is Cormac. He tends to explain a lot about being a dog. Contrary to stereotypes, they pity us about as much as cats do. However, they're still loyal and love their owners. Other than him, however, the characterizations fall a bit flat. Commander Zideo, the main character, so far is only characterized as a streamer who isn't a jerk. I'd say the author needs to work on making Zideo a more developed character, but I stopped at Chapter 4, so he could improve in later chapters.
As a last note, I have something to say about the viewpoint character not being the main character. Be careful. Unless you know what you're doing, it has a chance of backfiring. It'd probably also lead to people wanting to read the story fro
PratzStrikeRoyal Road
★★★ 3.0
Commander Zideo is a very well written story, articulate, funny, and entertaining, but at the same time it feels like it leans too hard into its gimmick, relying on characters you know and using the emotional connections you might have with them instead of giving us a reason to like them within the story.
The main engine of this is the original conceit of the story, that we are being told it second hand from the main character's dog, who seems to pick and choose what dialogue he pays attention to. This ends up meaning that while we get all the story beats it becomes hard to develop any sort of connection to any of the characters. Zideo is the Best Human Ever, even if the reader can see something of a slovenly jerk of a streamer in him between the lines, and the rest of the characters have even less interest. Man who carries backpack and saves little animals. Techno woman with gun. Hard smoking mold stamped Princess. These are templates, not characters, even if they're supposed to engender emotions connecting us to the characters they're supposed to represent, and without any individuality there's no emotional payoff to them. The worst is, again, the main character. I don't understand why he's here. He doesn't seem to be much in the way of anything interesting except as a McGuffin for the other characters. I can't even say we're early in the story yet, but these are all issues that can be rectified.
In any case, having gone over the negatives, I can describe the positives. The comedy is fun and the writing can be snappy and enjoyable. It feels like the author has all the talent they need to create something excellent but the edges of this story feel like they were formed by a robot that heard we humans liked our video games, and they might be able to write a story combining them all that'd entertain us. Too many story beats that end without proper explanation due to the inconsistent storyteller, too many one dimensional characters, which is funny seeing how many char