Commander Daggen

-Orlando Daggen has been enlisted into the 489,098,678th founding of the Eternal Legion at precisely 1700 on the 4th of January to serve as its commander-

Those words would be the last sight to greet my eyes before the world exploded into a myraid of colors.

Orlando Daggen is selected to command a legion ordered to hold back a formless threat indefinitely. Failure would mean the end of everything. Can a Rookie survive a threat that has killed countless commanders before him?

I'm a new writer who has been trying for quite some time to create a well thought out story. As such, I would welcome any criticism or advise i can get.