Chronicles of the Radiant God
Self-Published
Community Rating
Description
My first life was mediocre when dying young, in this life I will become the owner of my destiny.Praise and adore me in this world!I will reach the pinnacle of this existence, I am a God!------------------------------------------------------------It is the story of a young man reincarnated in the body of a young master, as he expands his territory and converts it into a kingdom.It is the history of the creation of a church and its faithful begin to praise him in the different lower planes and he becomes the RADIANT GOD.
Information
- Status
- Hiatus
- Year
- 2018
- Author
- Aaron zavala
Royal Road Stats
- Rating
- 4.0/ 5.0
- Views
- 3,419
Chapters(5 total)
Reviews
No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!
Community Reviews(1)
- InoraiRoyal Road★★★ 3.0I think that the premise of this story is solid and could be interesting to pursue, but the story is hindered by a few points that stand in its way.
First and foremost, run-on sentences make many points very hard to follow. "It was 6 o'clock in the afternoon when I woke up, I had to dress for the family reunion I was not nervous for the event I thought it is amazing that only a family of only 6 members including myself, is ruler of a dukedom in this world, I remembered that no we are on earth." This could be at least four sentences, for example.
Dialogue needs proper punctuation. Almost all lines of dialogue lack punctuation at their end, or proper dialogue tagging.
You hop back and forth between past and present tenses quite frequently. It's fine if your character is looking back at an event, but it happens often besides that. Pick one and be consistent! In general, I highly recommend past tense, but either has been done quite successfully :)
JAJAJA - I don't know what this means, if it's supposed to be laughter, but just like I wouldn't recommend someone put HAHAHA in the text randomly, I don't recommend this. If someone is laughing, describe them laughing. If it's not laughter, then I'm completely lost xD
Just a few nitpicky points that stood out to me at more specific points in the text -
I actually did have a brain tumor when I was 12, and I 100% was old enough to know what was going on. That's only a year or two before most people start high school. So some of your descriptions in that first chapter stood out awkwardly to me.
Also...
Scarlet is the name of my cousin, she is 15 years old and inherited the eye line of the Creed red eyes, although this characteristic gives her sensual figure a savage look. If she were on earth, she would be considered a top-class model, a beauty that It would cause havoc in a city, but her personality lowers her many personal points, she is an impulsive, proud and conceited woman.
This is a lot of description to go into