Children Of Shadow

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

For eighteen years, Vespera has believed that loneliness was her home. In a world that never truly wanted her, she has learned to endure silence and distrust the warmth of others.

But when one night shatters everything she knows, two strangers lead her into Elindros — a realm where memory and magic, life and death intertwine. There, she discovers the truth: she is the vessel of an ancient being, the Sonatius Mortaeda, the entity that embodies death itself.

Yet the gift of such power is a curse. To the people of Elindros, Vespera is nothing more than an instrument of destiny — a pawn in a game whose rules she cannot see. With every step, she sinks deeper into a web of lies, fate, and betrayal.

Torn between the longing to belong and the fear of losing herself, Vespera must decide which path to follow:the light she has never trusted —or the darkness that feels like home.

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2024
Author: thedyingauthor

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.4/ 5.0
Followers: 42
Views: 10,405

Chapters(42 total)

Reviews

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Community Reviews(9)

Undone1Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Overall: I liked the story a lot and enjoy the characters. The Villains are vile, the setting is solid, and Ves is great. I like the questioning self doubt as sometimes it's harder to write characters that are quiet to the reader. The setting feels very dark fantasy, sword and sorcery, with fae to me and I love those kinds of stories. It's a great start to a great story.
Style: I really enjoyed the descriptive internal dialog. It helps set the tone for the dramatic actions that Ves takes even if to those around her she doesn't seem the type to do those things.
Story: A common core story that never feels overplayed where the heroine escapes an overbearing if not outright hostile court with the help of mysterious strangers to learn about their mystical and fantastical journey never feels overdone. It's been done before because it's a great story hook and it will never stop being a great story hook. Very well executed version of this trope to be sure.
Grammar: Great overall I noticed a couple of sentences that started with And which always drove me crazy in school because my teachers always got on me for it, otherwise great.
Character: This is where this story shines the most. Ves is strong despite having self doubt, the villains are vile in a way that really feels satisfying when karma comes a calling especially Louweris, and the heroes feel mysterious and dynamic adding to the mystique of the world.
NightOwlRobRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Style: A fantastic blend of court intrigue, fantasy elements, and darker themes. This is a story that really keeps you speculating on the relationships between the characters and the mysteries surrounding them. Great dialogue as well. If I had one minor nitpick, I'd like to see a little more character description.
Story: The heroine of the story, Princess Vespera's been kept mostly secluded in her room in the castle for years under the orders of her spiteful father the king. But with her soon reaching adulthood, he decides to arrange an advantageous marriage with Lord Louweris, a close ally of his that's decades older than her. Fortunately, this plan backfires in a big way and proves to be the catalyst Vespera needed to regain control of her life. It seems straightforward at first, yet plot twists and political machinations are already being foreshadowed even early on.
Grammar: Perfect. Didn't come across any issues in the chapters I read.
Character: Vespera's a character easy to sympathize with. Trapped in a gilded cage in a kingdom that's been led to believe she's dead, she's grown up understandably naive of the world. Like many of us, she's someone just trying to live her life in peace and find some measure of happiness. But her father King Mukuta and step-mother Queen Mayyira are determined to make that impossible for her. Both are cruel in different ways. The king barely being able to mask his hate for his own daughter when not weaponizing her desire for his approval, while the queen's much more subtle and manipulative, getting others to dole out abuse for her. A bright spot appears in Sylas, a potential love interest Vespera makes an instant connection with on her first day returning to society, and his father Lord Velqorin, one of the few to have a backbone in the face of the king.
As malicious as the king and queen are, they clearly have deeper reasons for it that are either hinted at or can be assumed. Lord Louweris, her intended husband, is arguably worse.
Rowdha Al SolRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Atmospheric and plenty of content to delve into.
I will say, though, while the chapters are fairly strong in their own right, they do tend to drag things out. I have nothing against long chapters, but for me, they need to at least feel like they're progressing towards a conclusion, hinting towards something big. But here it seems long only because the paragraphs don't know when to stop churning out content.
Characters are great. Love them. You'll have a lot of fun because the author seems to have a firm grasp on how to place human touches into otherwise stressful situations.
Binged the whole thing (up to the most recent release, that is). I can see many people doing the same thing.
Weird bits:
There are some red flags for me when reading that made me feel like I was reading something written by a machine rather than a person, both in the earlier chapters and the later ones. While there's nothing wrong with using some sort of writing software to fix goofy phrasings, this just all felt like a little too much.
I'd bank that it's assisted because, while the grammar is strong and the phrasings are smooth, the writing tells everything rather than shows it. You don't get to draw conclusions on emotional states that often; they're included in the character beat/sentence so as to reinforce it. For me, if a writer has a strong grasp on the mechanics, then by extension they would have a strong grasp on knowing when to show rather than to tell. In a sense, sentences feel like they were written for maximum readability rather than emotional depth.
For example:
"The pleasant evening air transforms rapidly into a violent storm. Rain begins to pour in torrents." (Chapter 1)
This is functional, but it reads more like a summary than an immersive moment. A human writer would likely add sensory details: how the rain feels on the skin, the scent of wet earth, or how the storm builds before unleashing itself, especially if they have such a strong grasp on writing mechanics. You don't just
SkarabraeRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
This is a pretty good story.
Style: I like this story's style a lot. It has literary devices, in particular a lot of imagery that helps with the story's tone and set various scenes within the story. The author has incredibly good word choice and is able to set the tone very well with it. The author's way of writing is also unique. The tone fits the story as well, so I like it.
Story: The story is pretty good. It is paced at just the right pace too. The story itself is about a princess who is being forced into a horrible arranged marriage, horrible even by her world's standards, but gets rescued from it and is now on a quest. The story does a great job of making you feel for her and depicting the sheer dread and horror of her situation. So, very good writing.
Grammar: There were some grammatical errors. However, they should have been fixed by now, so I have no complaints here.
Character: The characters are great. There are a few who are fairly flat, but most of them are three dimensional, well-written, and nuanced. And even the ones who are one-dimensional are still well-written.
So, I highly recommend this story.
Note: This was part of a review swap.
Starry_Pen04Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Style: The narrative is cleverly paced, with a good balance between mystery and revelation. The author does an excellent job of slowly immersing the reader in a world full of intrigue, while also keeping the emotional connection with the protagonist intact. Some transitions between scenes might feel abrupt, but the tension and buildup are well-executed overall.
Story: The story revolves around Princess Vespera's escape from a life of isolation and manipulation, diving into themes of personal growth, freedom, and rebellion. The plot cleverly blends court intrigue and fantasy, with enough unexpected twists to keep things engaging. While the premise might feel familiar, the world-building and character dynamics elevate it.
Grammar: The grammar is flawless, especially given that this is a translation. The flow of the language is smooth and easy to follow, which allows the rich story and emotional depth to shine through without any distractions from awkward phrasing or errors.
Characters: Vespera stands out as a strong, sympathetic heroine. Her naivety is tempered by her resilience, and her desire to escape her oppressive life makes her an engaging protagonist. The royal antagonists, particularly her father and stepmother, are skillfully portrayed as cruel yet complex, leaving room for further exploration of their motives. Sylas adds a refreshing dynamic to the story. His instant rapport with her and his quiet strength make him an intriguing character. He’s a supportive figure, yet there's an air of mystery around him that suggests there’s more to his backstory than meets the eye.
Ethan Y CottonRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
This story does something unusual with its exposition that I really enjoyed. The release of information to the reader is controlled jn such a way as to control our emotional connection with the character and the world. The result will probably be a little polarizing, but I think it offers a bit of poetic beauty to the story.
The story mirrors Vesperas journey. Like her we start with almost no knowledge of this fantastical world we are dropped into, and very little information is given. Until she escapes and is greeted by an entire world of new things. At which point we are given so much new informationnit almost becomes overwhelming. That creates a connection to our hero who is similarly overwhelmed, and we get to stand right beside her on this epic journey.
Now the rating breakdown, I will be brief since I wrote so much already 😅
Style: that is pretty much what I spoke about above, it is very unique and daring, I hope the pattern continues and we can see just how this choice plays out
Story: we have a hero break free from imprisonment and face a mysterious past. The formula is familiar and yet, not overused. The fantastical elements are just icing on the cake.
Grammar: I gave this one full marks for grammar, and I wish I could give more. This is a (presumably ESL) translation. I am always impressed with multilingual authors, but this is beyond even that. Usually a translation is pretty obviously so, and you may even have trouble understanding some things. On this story, if I didn't see that it was a translation beforehand I would never have known. Well done!
Characters: I don't feel comfortable analyzing the characters yet because it is clear there is some deep history to each and every one of them. On the surface it seems like there are some clear “bad guys” and “good guys” but even they aren't so extreme as to be absurd. So there is definitely something to look forward to in the revealing of the past.
TheHofferRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
The story is an easy 4.5/5 read. The first chapter immediately distinguishes itself above a lot of the first chapters I've seen on RR. That is to say that the quality of this particular story is quite high. I also think that it doesn't fall back on a lot of familiar tropes and carves a path of its own.
Style: 4.5/5: This story is told in first person present tense, probably my least favorite style to read a POV from but the author makes it a treat. You are quickly immersed in the head of Vespera and feel an intimacy with a character the reader would not otherwise be able to achieve and the story benefits from it. The loathing, the loving, the questions the MC has. You feel them all as if it is happening to someone you know.
Grammar 5/5: The grammar is impeccable and I really don't have anything further to say about it. It never breaks you out of the story.
Story: 5/5: This is where this fiction shines. Each chapter you are pulled along at the edge of your seat with intrigue, mystery, and world-shattering events. This you take for granted are re-contextualized again and again in a way that is enjoyable and exciting. Each time it gives you the feeling that you NEED to know what is going on and how it all turns out.
Character: 3.5/5: The villains and mysterious helpers of the MC both feel like tropes. The bad guys are corrupt and evil and their personality feels like it has no other traits other than being greedy and evil or lecherous. The protectors so far feel quite one-note as well. They don't feel like living, breathing people. The MC does feel like a real person with real emotions, but that just serves to contrast a cast that doesn't share that with her.
I highly recommend this story for someone who is looking for a mysterious and deep fantasy world to sink their teeth into. It offers a little bit for lovers of fantasy, intrigue, cool magic systems, evil family, and romance. What are you still doing reading this review? Go read Children of Shadow.
BTS_STORIES_HEARTRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
This book pulled me in right away with its rich worldbuilding and tight pacing. The Nexari setting is stunning... described so well I could see it in my head. Zyar and Sylas’s protectiveness toward Vespera adds a good layer of tension and loyalty, and the Astralis concept is fascinating enough that I want to see more of how it works.
I really like how the story mixes danger and beauty. The descriptions are vivid. The encounter with the Nyrelis Sisters is a great example, of that vividness and threat.
Where it doesn’t land as strongly for me is in the emotional bite of the villains. The first chapters really set up the villains and made me hate them! But then the Sisters look and sound dangerous, but their cruelty can feel a little performative... more about the spectacle. If their malice felt more personal, targeting Vespera’s specific fears and weaknesses, those scenes would be unforgettable.
I liked the images, I thought they added to each chapter, but a few of them were a bit distracting. I liked the images of the characters, but some of the objects were better described on paper.
A few things could also be tightened on the technical side. There are moments where sentence structure feels overly complex and could be broken down for clarity. Some character motivations, especially from secondary characters, could use more fleshing out so their actions feel fully earned. Pacing wise, certain emotional beats rush by quickly, so I’d like a little more breathing room to sit in Vespera’s reactions before the next plot turn hits.
Overall, this is highly recommended. There is a real mix of mystery, danger, and political tension keeps the story moving, and the details of the world makes it easy to read.
Reynard_RenartRoyal Road
★★★ 3.0
I want to start this review off by reiterating the title: I'm pretty sure that I'm not the target audience for this story. It strikes me as a young adult fiction, emphasis on young, for the most part, and as someone who reads things like Moby Dick and Don Quixote, I can't help but feel biased towards the overall quality of a story written by someone who is not trying to match such standards.
That being said, overall I feel like this story has some major issues - issues that, ultimately, boil down to a preference in style. Let me put some emphasis on that - Most of my critiques about this come down to personal preference. By no means take my word as gospel since I'm just as legitimate of an author as you yourself are. None the less, I do think some of my criticisms can help you become better at the craft, so please do consider them regardless of the biased position I stand from.
Grammar: Grammar is where I have the least complaints with this story. Overall the grammar is fine, there were only a couple of small mistakes here and there in the 8 chapters I read, nothing major. My only real complaint as far as the grammar is concerned is more of a stylistic choice - you have quite a lot of separate lines that, I feel, don't need to be separate. Most of them could be kept in connection with previous sentences and just be made into solid paragraphs. I have a feeling you write it this way for the purposes of being read on mobile, though, so this criticism might be moot.
Style: This is where the crux of my criticisms lie and really informs what I think about the rest of the story, as well as where a lot of my biases come from. I am not a fan of first person perspective stories. I find them difficult to pull of well and remain immersive. But aside from this stylistic choice, the story also suffers in various other ways in the style department in my opinion.
For instance, the lack of description really bothers me personally. It was two or three chapters in before we learned th