Beretta State
Community Rating
Description
Iman Maridadi leads the Beretta State across the charred deserts of the Chalbi Quarter - their destination: An old outpost hidden among the dunes.
But on route, disaster strikes!
Now Iman must gather the might of the State, and track down the villains who dared to cross her and harm her friends - a task she finds easier said than done...
Join Iman and the spectacular Beretta State on a short, punchy adventure into the desert!
Author's note: I'm new to this whole writing thing and I very much want to improve, so please feel free to leave a comment and let me know how I'm doing.
Thank you, and enjoy!
Ps: The illustrations are done by me - sorry if the quality is all over the place, this is a bit of an experiment!
Information
- Status
- Completed
- Year
- 2019
- Author
- Slummypond
Royal Road Stats
- Rating
- 3.0/ 5.0
- Followers
- 2
- Views
- 1,119
Chapters(3 total)
Reviews
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Community Reviews(1)
- RznRoyal Road★★★ 3.0It pains me to give this a 3 star given the ton of images and the way it presents itself, but I feel that from a story aspect that this is fair. First things first, the gallery itself it quite large but most of it is without context or relevancy in the beginning. It makes for the first impression to be a wall of studies without any clear indication of what is what. The setting starts off with some jargon, matatus, and the prose has some errors in word choice and the setting of the scene begins like a movie shot where such a significant chunk is dedicated to this.
"The Beretta State was on the move." is perhaps a perfect first sentence before describing in some detail all the vehicles. Then we move into action, which as an inciting incident is not bad, but we have yet to establish any tie to a character before this happens. From there it finds its legs and runs with it - the nature of the situation plays out but with dialogue that is not entirely clear such as the landships and their grounding. This is equivalent to describing a military convoy from a cold opening, and given the short piece it becomes excessive and sterile aside from a few comments that push the conflict forward. Then we move to the conclusion having no firm basis for understanding how it all mattered, and we are left rather unresolved because we get all this information only for it to end rather weak. It is worth the read, at least for the cool concept art, though it kept introducing elements of the setting that we would never explore further.