Astelta

Information

Status

Hiatus

Author

Icarus Jaadi

Reviews

Community Reviews(4)

• PistolWordsRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Memory loss, self loss, and nice cultists. This story definitely has potential if the grammar can be fixed.
  Story:
  We follow our MC khael as he suddenly wakes up with no memory of his past life.
  It was a bit confusing at first. I still scratch my head at some parts, but maybe it's the authir holding their cards close to their chest!
  Khael had supposedly encountered a monster which wiped memories. He however gets flashbacks of memories that aren't his, at least that's what we're led to believe. He gets his memories back but has to hide it, in fear of reprecussions.
  The story hasn't progressed much from there as there are only 4 chapters out.
  Style: Could need a bit of tweaking but overall readable.
  Characters: Khael is a sweet, confused boy who had been thrown around by mean old men and then imprisoned for whatever reason because the Monarch thinks he's a cultist.
  It seems misfortune followed the guy. He is still quite passive, and just letting the world do whatever it wants with him, which I appreciated! it feels realistic at least.
  We don't get to see more of any other character, except for mean old grant.
  Grammar: Like I said, it needs to be worked on. I have mentioned that to the author privately and linked them some sites they could use to help better their writing.
  I truly think this story could do better if author tried to work on their writing. It is awesome what they did there and I always respect anyone who post their stories to the world.
• saharanRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  The story is good and free of ny major grammer errors that is a good point and I liked that You have started with classic whole transferred to another world and It would help if you show a good worldbuilding.
  this was a very good example of normal Mc who is not an OP character but I think you should make some effort for charater development
• TealiciousTeaRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  A good start for a dark fantasy fiction with an intriguing mystery. I recommend it!
  Style
  Dialogue is mostly good. Some of the dialogue could use work. It is fine but room for growth. But some of the characters, in moments of painful emotions will speak as if they giving a report. Most people (I think/believe) don't really speak in this style in these situations. Sometimes yeah, people report things but it depends on the situation. I don't have a specific solution other than to read out the dialogue and does it seem like something that character would say (in that situation)?
  For example, Roldan in prologue 4 tells the tale of his son when hurt like it is a report, as opposed to a personal story from his past.
  Nice easy to read paragraphs are great to see. Well done!
  There is a lot of unnecessary telling paired with showing like "…but it seemed the guard was physically built well -- based on the broadness of his figure." Why not just show the broadness of his figure. Describe how he is broad. Are his shoulders big? Is his chest wide like a barrel? Could his arms lift a horse? What about him shows broadness? Who have you seen in life or in a picture that was broad and what made you think they were broad?
  I'm being pedantic, to emphasise 'show don't tell' when describing. Not too much. The character isn't unimportant for the broader narrative. It is slightly important here to show how intimidating the guard is (and thus how trapped Khael is). It deserves maybe a sentence to describe the guard's physique.
  Story -
  The story is good and the main draw of this fiction. The mystery of identity, the complex character relationships and the desperate situation Khael needs to escape. All really good stuff and well though out.
  Grammar wise, the tense switches are a problem.
  The character work is good. First time or second plus attempt. Room for improvement but we all fall under that banner.
• TEZofAllTradesRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 3.5

  Style - Clean and consistent formatting makes the story easy on the eyes. Written in third-person perspective, but there are issues with tense. No need for quotation marks for thoughts in 1st chapter, Italics are fine on their own as used in other chapters.
  Story – The search for memories is an interesting idea! It’s a mystery that's perhaps a little too mysterious? It's not always clear where the story is headed, but it's early days yet and the author states that the story will be kind of slow paced, so I can't judge on that.
  SPaG - No problems with spelling. Author knows how to punctuate dialogue tags, so I consider this top-tier punctuation for RR. Unfortunately, there are grammar issues, for example missing/incorrect words, or sentences that could be more succinct. It's not severe enough to take away from the story, though. You can always tell what the author means, though.
  Character - Characters may or may not be who or what they seem to be... It can be hard to keep track. Not only do memories need to be recovered, but recovering the right memories are also a factor. I'll need more chapters to figure it out lol.
  Good luck with the rest of the story!