Agony [A double protagonist progression fantasy]

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Hope hangs by a thread in the Empire of Akar, a realm bracing for the wrath of invaders who wield death as their weapon. A prophecy speaks of a divine champion—a Golden Garuda, gifted by the god of War to rise above all others and wield unstoppable power. But who will become the Chosen One?

Mataram Rakur, a lowborn and the first sorcerer from his village, was raised on ancient teachings that stunted his abilities. Yet he refuses to let that hold him back. With a fierce determination and an unwavering belief that he is destined to save the world, Mataram knows he must rise against all odds. He fights to hone his power and fulfil what he already knows: He is the chosen one, destined to save the realm.

Lycan Toress, theheir to the noble House of Torress, has been moulded for greatness from birth. Trained in sorcery and bound by loyalty to his people, Lycan is prepared to take on the mantle of the Golden Garuda. His very lineage demands it, and he cannot let them down. He also believes his path is set: hewillbe chosen one.

In a world where destiny and ambition collide, only one can become the Chosen One. As darkness approaches, will it be the lowborn who defies fate or the noble warrior trained to fulfil it? The battle for the future of the world begins.

This is a war story about the people who are caught in it. It's not an adventure or questing type of fiction to save the world.

Hi everyone! This story is technically a sequel to my previous novel, "Serenity of Reprisal." However, it follows a new set of characters and time, and you do not need to read the first book to read this one. In my previous fiction, there is a larger plot in the background of the world. This fiction will follow this more closely.

This book is where everyone wants to be chosen, but only one person can.

Similar to my previous fiction,this story's main characters are not necessarily the world's main characters.The characters are the MCs of their own story.

My Writing Style:

- English is not my first language. Therefore, I will make grammar mistakes here and there. I am very open to corrections. However, some words here and there will be chosen specifically (reading between the lines).

- I like toshow, not tell.I want to tell you what the characters think by their actions and speech. I will also explain things, but I will not do it often.

- The fiction isfast-paced and plot-driven. I like to keep the plot moving.

- The story has already been planned out to completion (estimated 30+- chapters total). So, if you like acomplete story in one book, this fiction does precisely that. There will not be multiple arcs but one long one, almost like a long movie or a single-season TV show.

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2024
Author: Mellifluous

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.7/ 5.0
Followers: 5
Views: 3,152

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(2)

VnatorRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I'm really liking this story! We've got a world based heavily on (what looks like) Indonesian culture and myth, but with all of the magic and progression that we know and love from the good fantasy stories on this site.
There are two protagonists enrolled in an academy that work harder than anyone else, and vie for the same end goal. With an oncoming apocalypse, these two look like they'll be their empire's best hope at survival.
The story has been enjoyable and riveting enough for me to give it a full 5 stars for the overall score, it's truly good.
Now onto the breakdown:
Style:
The writing style itself is solid, I like it. It's good. The only complaint I have is that there's repetition of some words multiple times in the same sentence that make it sound awkward. Eg. using a character's name twice close together when it could have said the name the first time and then a pronoun the second time (eg. Mataram jumped, and he grabbed the ball).
But this is easy to ignore and doesn't bog down the overall story much, if at all.
Grammar:
Few grammatical mistakes, but mostly in the form of typos. Once again, they're barely noticeable and don't negatively affect the story.
Story:
Now this is where I feel conflicted giving it only 4 stars. The story is good. Really good, it has me really into it. The only issue is that some parts of it go by waaaay too quickly. Eg. it starts out talking about our two protagonists attending an academy, but their first meeting and growing friendship is pretty much skipped over, and then they go through almost the entirety of their education in a single (albeit very long) chapter.
The story could have benefited greatly from spacing events out and focusing on the slower interactions instead of speeding up to the juicy parts. Because even characters meeting each other for the first time can be interesting for the audience, even if the author knows exactly how it would go. (I'm guilty of the same thing)
I think it's to jump into the war the author
Ryan StennetRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Overall Score: 8.8/10
Style: 8.5/10
The writing style strikes a solid balance between action and character moments, keeping things exciting while letting us see the inner lives of the characters. Descriptions are vivid, and fight scenes are fast-paced and clear, which really brings the scenes to life. Occasionally, some sentences get a bit long, or we see redundant phrases that could be trimmed to keep the flow smooth.
Story: 9/10
This story pulls you in right from the start. There's a rich, layered plot here with some big themes—prophecy, loyalty, rivalry, and of course Fate. Each chapter pushes the story forward, whether it’s through tense competition or glimpses of larger political and mystical events. The stakes are clearly high, and the pacing keeps things interesting without losing the sense of suspense about what’s coming next.
Grammar: 8.3/10*
Grammar is generally on point, with only a few minor hiccups here and there—mostly punctuation issues or some formatting quirks. Occasionally, sentences feel wordy or a bit repetitive, especially in the characters' thoughts, which could be tightened up to help with clarity and impact. Overall, though, the grammar is solid and doesn't disrupt the flow. This category gets an asterisk because it's a writathon entry! Going back after the deadline and fixing any grammar issues should be relatively quick, as none are major.
Characters: 9.5/10
The characters are the real heart of the story so far. Each one is distinct and has clear motivations, and we get a good sense of their personal challenges and goals. Adriani’s hidden struggles, Mataram’s drive to prove himself, and Lycan’s loyalty make them easy to root for, even when they’re rivals. There's a blend of ambition, rivalry, and respect between characters makes the relationships feel real.
Justification:
These first several chapters do a great job setting up an intriguing fantasy world filled with personal and epic stakes. The pacing keeps the tension high without being to