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1 years after World War 10 a whisper of a legendary general lived on to this day. His name was General J. Bottle, on a fateful day he met a little girl who wanted his help. Bottle agreed, and thus the Adventures of General J. Bottle began.

This is a passion project of mine, feedback is always applicated.

Community Reviews(1)

FlossinduneRoyal Road

★★★ 2.5

I will preface this review by stating this isn't my particular cup of tea, but if it were I'd fear for it in the presence of the main characters.
Story: The story doesn't begin with General Bottle but a girl named Gesus Grist, though they do meet fairly quickly. After that is a loose series of events where not much gets explained but a lot happens very quickly.
The world is very interesting, though, and I'm interested in seeing how things got to this point.
Style: The execution of the story does need some work, unfortunately. The pacing, with some things that seem important being glossed over completely, describing many things with similes, and switching tenses are the things that come out at me the most.
Grammar: Pretty good! Asides from the tenses situation, which I put in Style, the grammar is pretty tight. There are some hiccups, but I came across nothing egregious.
Character: I'll be honest, baby talk is one of the things that I really don't like. I think if it focused on Bottle instead of Gesus it would be better, but both characters seem like caricatures instead of people. This is tagged as a comedy, though, so it is what it is.
Overall, I like the premise and I think it could be something, but the execution needs to be worked on once the draft is finished. I like the world, though, so more world building would go a long way once things are cleaned up.

Adventures of General J. Bottle

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Community Reviews(1)