A Game of Stones

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

The story of Painin a young man who has his entire life ahead of him... It just may not be the life he wants.

(Fair warning this is a very rough draft and is taken from my writing over the past years)

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2023
Author: AngryGecko

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 3.8/ 5.0
Followers: 5
Views: 6,988

Reviews

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Community Reviews(3)

ChiruschkaRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
So, a story about a boy who came back and saw terror? Afterward, he slowly rose and fought against his fears and anxiety while overcoming external challenges. From what I have read, it is a model of the hero's journey, and I love it.
Someone would say it is too basic, but I would call them idiots. Sometimes, one needs a really good novel without many Kafkaesk twists and turns. I would say this is such a gem.
It is very well written, both in Grammar and Style, 5/5. There is nothing much I can say about it.
As I said, the story is modeled after the hero's journey and executed in a medieval environment. As much as I can see, the premise is very basic but executed well. So I very much like it. 5/5.
Now to the one thing I really like but also don't. There was one scene, rather in the beginning, where I wanted the MC to be... let's say him to be described more thoroughly. Didn't happen, and felt a little rushed. I will not spoil it, but you will know what I meant the moment you read it.
However, the characters are well written, and it looked more like an attempt if I could guess, something like a shock to the MC, which made him push forward. Sadly, it was badly executed, and this is my good-faith approach since everything else is really well written. 4.5/5.
All in all, I would give everything a 5/5, except for the character score. However, I will fav and follow it (for once, it really needs more love) so I can maybe change it later if this important moment was just a once-in-a-lifetime mistake.
Larkspur WrenRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
As with any good novel, the strongest part of this one is its main character, Painin, whose tenderness, courage, and vulnerability shine through over the course of a grueling gauntlet of tragedies and brutalities with which this story opens. It's with that in mind that I believe this novel has the potential to be something special, as long as the author maintains the care and tough love with which they subject Painin to his many trials and tribulations.
However, the author has also been upfront about the rough state of this work, and to that end I'd like to offer several broad points of feedback:
1. Agency
To me, roughly the first 8 chapters or so all feel like "backstory", in that things are happening to Painin rather than because of him. There's plenty of gore, action, and tragedy within these chapters, but we never really feel it's Painin moving the wheels until he becomes a slave and focuses on the goal of reuniting with Kobi. I wonder if the tension and directionality of the story might be better served if we shift the chronology, such that we meet Painin with the tragedies already behind him, forging a new path as he searches for leads on his friend. The "tragic backstory" of course could be interwoven into this later start, through his interaction with the setting and characters that should all have the raids fresh on their mind.
2. As an alternative to the above: a slower and richer introduction
While I understand the imperative to throw our characters straight into the action, I think both Painin and Kobi could've done with more setup. If we were to stick with starting the story in peacetime, I would've liked to know more about Painin's passions in life and his place among the villagers yet uncorrupted by violence and tragedy. His relationship with Kobi could also have been fleshed out earlier, so that readers can be expected to have a more visceral reaction to her trauma.
I realize points 1 and 2 are almost diametrically opposed, but I suppose they are two
David GilesRoyal Road
★★★ 2.5
A Game of Stones has a promising start, the first few chapters are well described and well thought out but sadly things start to go downhill after that. There's a location shift with no attempt to describe the new location beyond the fact it's a desert.
So little is described after the first few chapters that at a couple of points it genuinely reads as a stream of consciousness. There's the framework of a decent story here but it needs a lot of polish.
As a final note the description of the story says very little and would benefit from being longer, telling readers a little about the setting and a few of the trials the protagonist will face.